Staying friends after a break-up (2 Viewers)

[stazi]

this thread is great. and what's with everyone breaking up out of long relationships lately

 

[stazi]

i personally cant stay friends with an ex. atleast in the relationships ive been in, theres nothing positive to be gained from it; friendship will enver be the same/things omitted/a bit awkard; and id rather not go back there if i didnt have to

only really had two seirous relationships

first one was about a year ago that i got dumped and it hurt like a motherfucker...it was a while ago now but i dont particularly want to hear about her and her new guy and how happy she is; even though ive been wiht others since its just not something i need to/want to hear even though it was inevitable and good that shes happy rather than sad

and the other girl who i was in a relationship with since that breakup; i broke up with her and have absoltuely no desire to speak to her again...ont out of a nasty way or anything; i just dont want to


so yeah for me; friends with exes is a no go zone; it's over once its over. not interested in hearing how much happier they are with someone apart from me and assume it would be vice versa, just no point voluntarily going throuhg that shit once youve already been throuhg a breakup which is bad enoguoh....move on entirely's my motto

Yes, but like you say, you haven't been in many serious relationships. Also, by serious I assume 6 months? A year? It's a bit different when you're in a 2+ year relationships and do become best friends during the relationship, or were before it. Like people have said, it's like you're part of each other's family: it's almost like having a sibling then one day them just not existing anymore if you don't remain friends.

 

[scarybunny]

I miss my ex's family. Lovely lovely people.

 

[melonkitten]

should have thought of that before you broke up, i guess.

 

[Tulipa]

should have thought of that before you broke up, i guess.

Yes because you should stay with someone just because you like their family.

What a moronic thing to say.

 

[Alissia]

I'm sure theres another thread like this hanging around here but i dont care.

I honestly HATE posting here with a passion, but I do need a bit of validation, and i know what all of my friends are going to say.

So for the past month or so i've been going through a break/breakup with my boyfriend i'd been with for over 5 years. I was obviously upset and scared and all that crap, but I dealt with it in my own way. So last night, we finially agreed that it wasnt going to work. Pretty much he didnt love me anymore but we still have a fantastic friendship. First and foremost he was my best friend before my boyfriend, and most of what we were so upset about when we were going through the breakup is not that we wouldnt grow old together and have babies, but that we would have lost our best friend.

We know eachother inside and out, we have always been the person we have turned to - and know that we would never be ablet o break the no-contact rule. I mean, towards the end it was only the friendship keeping us together. There wasnt the romance, there wasnt the "relationship-type" stuff.

So do y'all think this could work? I mean it IS a fucked up situation.. i do know that, but we've already talked about the new b/f g/f shit.. all of the 'problems' that can arise. I am really good friends iwth all of his family, all of his friends, and the same with me.

In all honesty we hope if we keep the friendship, one day the other stuff might just pop back and all will be well.. I just need some advice.

a friendship after being together for a very long time can work but think about ur emotional status if he decides to be with someone else, having shared so much experiences with him. us as women tend to feel a little jelous. this might get in the way of ur friendship... just because you have broken up it doesnt mean that the relationship that u have with his family will...

the break up wont change ur friendship, as long as u stay in control of that.. if u want things to change between the two of you, you will make it happen but if not you can ensure that ur friendship remains the same as u want it to...

 

[stazi]

guys feel just as jealous

 

[sca]

It's not fucked up, the "no contact" rule is a myth perpetuated by idiots, and if the breakup has been amicable there's no reason to throw away a good friendship.

There's a difference between a sudden dump, and a gradual loss of romantic feeling between two people.

 

[**freakstar87**]

im trying to stay friends with the last guy cos he likes the same music, goes to gigs and stuff. but the friendship wasn't the same as before and there was the usual "let's not see each other for a while til i sort my shit out together"...esp when the guy has alot of personal problems.
the relationship itself only lasted 3 months cos he was more obsessed about some crazy chick and many other hawt indie or geeky chicks. makes you wonder huh. wasn't a very nasty breakup tho but it does make you feel like shit at wondering what went wrong and what could have happened.

lesson: don't rush into relationships when you're JUST starting out as friends

 

[sdfjsdkl55]

The only guys who stay really good friends with the girl after they break up are either gay or they've known each other since they were 4-5 years old. Other than that, wtf would you bother wasting your time being friends with your ex girlfriend??? Move on, it's over.

 

[stazi]

The only guys who stay really good friends with the girl after they break up are either gay or they've known each other since they were 4-5 years old. Other than that, wtf would you bother wasting your time being friends with your ex girlfriend??? Move on, it's over.

yeah...because no guys and girls can ever be friends, right?

 

[sdfjsdkl55]

yeah...because no guys and girls can ever be friends, right?

Think you may have miss-read that one there mate. What I meant was that after a break-up the couple involved will never be 'really good friends'. There'll always be a sour taste from the break-up and that can't be denied.

Have got heaps of mates, both blokes and girls, and all of them agree with me on the sour taste being left after a break-up.

 

[stazi]

There are multiple examples which I could use to prove you wrong. Look at relationships that evolve from the two being best friends in the first place. Also, people tend to get more mature with age

 

[sdfjsdkl55]

I'm talking about after they break-up, not beforehand. I'm not talking bout the whole 14-17 year-old 'summer bay' relationships inside a friendship group, but genuinely serious ones.

 

[stazi]

Yes, if they start off as best friends, then it's likely that they can remain friends after break-up, if they choose to.

 

[sdfjsdkl55]

Definately agree with you on that one, whereby if you're best friends beforehand, you're still gonna be at least friends afterwards. What I'm talking about is when you break up with a girl and she explains that she still wants to be friends. Are you really gonna hang around to pursue that friendship????

 

[stazi]

i think it also depends how close you get during the relationship. let's say you're together for four years and become amazing friends. you may want to keep the friendship in tact, mainly cos you're so used to each other. it will be hard though.

 

[Tulipa]

Definately agree with you on that one, whereby if you're best friends beforehand, you're still gonna be at least friends afterwards. What I'm talking about is when you break up with a girl and she explains that she still wants to be friends. Are you really gonna hang around to pursue that friendship????

Why not?

If you're talking about "serious relationships" then it obviously wasn't just about hooking up or sex, there was a layer of friendship (hopefully). So why not hold onto that and keep a good friend?

 

[sdfjsdkl55]

Yeh it definately is harder. Never had a relationship with a best friend so I've always cut off all contact and started fresh. Does depend on the situation you have, but I personally can't stand the eeriness and sour taste that's left over. If my current gf and I were to break-up, then I strongly doubt that we'd stay in contact.

 

[darkwolfzx]

this is one of the most decent threads I've ever read on bos *respect*

I was going pretty fine with this girl in my high school, we were really close and I liked her, but she was going out with another guy. In school camp we got a bit too close and everyone found out. Because of that I was cast out of circles and people hated me. I chose not to speak to her again, which was really hard since she tried and tried to reestablish a connection. But everytime she did that I was reminded of my failure, so I cut her off. I wanted to get back with her too, but rationally I knew I would be asking for more trouble if I did so.

She and I study at the same uni now, but we barely see each other. Things have gotten better since I started meeting new people. It only gets better.