Staying friends after a break-up (1 Viewer)

[Skeeta]

I'm sure theres another thread like this hanging around here but i dont care.

I honestly HATE posting here with a passion, but I do need a bit of validation, and i know what all of my friends are going to say.

So for the past month or so i've been going through a break/breakup with my boyfriend i'd been with for over 5 years. I was obviously upset and scared and all that crap, but I dealt with it in my own way. So last night, we finially agreed that it wasnt going to work. Pretty much he didnt love me anymore but we still have a fantastic friendship. First and foremost he was my best friend before my boyfriend, and most of what we were so upset about when we were going through the breakup is not that we wouldnt grow old together and have babies, but that we would have lost our best friend.

We know eachother inside and out, we have always been the person we have turned to - and know that we would never be ablet o break the no-contact rule. I mean, towards the end it was only the friendship keeping us together. There wasnt the romance, there wasnt the "relationship-type" stuff.

So do y'all think this could work? I mean it IS a fucked up situation.. i do know that, but we've already talked about the new b/f g/f shit.. all of the 'problems' that can arise. I am really good friends iwth all of his family, all of his friends, and the same with me.

In all honesty we hope if we keep the friendship, one day the other stuff might just pop back and all will be well.. I just need some advice.

 

[Tulipa]

Staying close, when apparently it is over, is only going to lead to trouble, unless, of course, both persons have excellent control over their feelings. Most people, when they really actually still care alot about their ex partners, are going to have trouble doing this. Especially when said boyfriend or girlfriend finds someone new (if you are there to see it, it is probably going to hurt, alot).

I don't kow about that. I think space is absolutely essential but not a complete severing of contact. That's just pretty immature and it doesn't sound like she wants to do that.

No one wants their partner to be really close friends with their ex boyfriend/girlfriend.

Again, I don't think that's necessarily true. Also, again, Skeets space is essential so being close right off the bat probably won't work.

If you are going to remain friends the boundaries must be very clear.

Absolutely but I think you can do it. Just know that it's going to be awkward for awhile.

 

[Skeeta]

We've had a month with minimal contact. I had already dealt with the break-up the second that he said he wanted a "break". I dunno, it was just sort of finialised last night but i feel like we arlight to be just friends.

Yeah the awkwardness is the one thing i'll have to get through, like its fine when he's at my house or at the movies, but when we are OUT like, at a pub or something, i think that will be the hardest thing to deal with. I wont be ready for THAT for a while..

but yeah in a way i've already been broken up with him for a month or so.. even though in reality its been a few days (and he feels the same way). He's been really honest with me for the whole thing, which i appreciate and we're pretty good communicators so hopefully we can make this work

*sigh*

He's told me that he wants to tell my dad, since they dont know. My dads really chilled and I know he will be supportive but FUCK man, why would you want to do that to yourself?

 

[quik.]

My girlfriend of two years and I broke up around a month or two ago, and we both wanted to remain friends.

We still saw each other often, went to her house to hang after uni etc.

I didn't think it would cause problems at first, I thought I was coping with the whole thing well, and then about a month afterwards it kind of all hit me and it wasn't too great.

So I basically said I couldn't handle being friends right now, I need time to get over you, yadda yadda.

Been about a month since then and my head's slowly screwing back on, we work together at the moment so we still have to interact when we're on shift together, but thankfully my managers a bitch and doesn't roster me that often.

But yeah, for me personally, I definately needed some space with no, or at least bare minimum, contact, I guess to solidify in my mind that hey we arn't together anymore.

We're starting to talk again, but it's going pretty slowly, which is fine by me.

 

[grk_styl]

He's told me that he wants to tell my dad, since they dont know. My dads really chilled and I know he will be supportive but FUCK man, why would you want to do that to yourself?

He's obviously a decent guy who respects both you and your family. Very few guys out there like that.

I think it is possible to stay friends after a break-up, particularly one that has lasted as long as yours. Boundaries need to be set however. I think there will be issues for a little while, just until you both establish where you fit in within each other's lives. When either of you start dating others, there may be issues yet again. Don't forget that he's a friend, just like some of your other best friends, so your new boyfriend (and his new girlfriend) will have to realise that.

Everyone knows there's boundaries with the best friend (especially when he/she is the ex), and you just have to make sure it's established. A lot of people swear that staying friends after break-ups do not work. However, if the breakup is mutual, and mess-free, I think it can work. It takes 2 very mature people to make it work.

Just don't think it's going to be perfect with no troubles as of tomorrow. I'm sure you know that it'll hurt and suck for awhile, but don't they say something about time healing all pain?

Good luck with it!

oh and btw, make sure you do try and get over him like the above guy said. You may need time to do that and he's gotta respect that

 

[melsc]

I think it can work, just take it slow and don't fall into the half way point where you are more than friends but not dating because that gets messy. As long as it is clear to both of you that you are just friends, it sounds like a good friendship

 

[SweetSeasons]

I dunno.. I dunno if it can work, it's never worked for me in the past

 

[Serius]

Girls always thing the friendship afterwards thing can work. Maybe this time it can though, seems like pretty ideal conditions, amicable breakup and all that. Ofcourse if you are doing it just in the hope that maybe you will rekindle the flame latter down the track, well thats the wrong reason to be friends. Shitty situations can happen aswell, new gf/bf etc. Try it and see what happens, good luck.

 

[Not-That-Bright]

I've had it work, but we didn't share much in the way of common friends... probably just a handful who i was fine to never talk to again. ^_________^

If you still harbour feelings that you think you're gunna try to act on though, don't.

 

[quik.]

I don't think there is any hope of stamping any and all feelings she had for him. I mean, 5 years is a long time.

But I don't think that dooms it to failure from the get go, either.

 

[fernando]

I reckon you guys can be friends, but it'll be a slow road because obviously your feelings for him can't dissapear over just a few weeks. I guess if you both learn to be okay with each other dating other people and so on... it'll be hard as hell but it's def possible. You guys might just need time and a bit of space to realise what you both really want in life.. who knows. Good luck anywho. =)

 

[hiphophooray123]

I'm sure theres another thread like this hanging around here but i dont care.

I honestly HATE posting here with a passion, but I do need a bit of validation, and i know what all of my friends are going to say.

So for the past month or so i've been going through a break/breakup with my boyfriend i'd been with for over 5 years. I was obviously upset and scared and all that crap, but I dealt with it in my own way. So last night, we finially agreed that it wasnt going to work. Pretty much he didnt love me anymore but we still have a fantastic friendship. First and foremost he was my best friend before my boyfriend, and most of what we were so upset about when we were going through the breakup is not that we wouldnt grow old together and have babies, but that we would have lost our best friend.

We know eachother inside and out, we have always been the person we have turned to - and know that we would never be ablet o break the no-contact rule. I mean, towards the end it was only the friendship keeping us together. There wasnt the romance, there wasnt the "relationship-type" stuff.

So do y'all think this could work? I mean it IS a fucked up situation.. i do know that, but we've already talked about the new b/f g/f shit.. all of the 'problems' that can arise. I am really good friends iwth all of his family, all of his friends, and the same with me.

In all honesty we hope if we keep the friendship, one day the other stuff might just pop back and all will be well.. I just need some advice.

It can definently work. I know you're not petty, and im sure he isn't either. So it'll work.

 

[AlleyCat]

oh skeeta
trust me, i feel your pain.

its a lot more painful but in my opinion more important for you to stay friends throughout all this. it'll take a while, maybe even 6 months or more, but eventually you'll both be better friends and better people for sticking by one another.

(that sounds nonsensical, sorry. i've been there though.)

 

[hiphophooray123]

sometimes the most bumpy roads end up being the best to take.

the smooth roads get tiresome and boring.

 

[aim54x]

been there done that. almost 2yrs on, it is finally settling down to friends that talk, it hasnt been easy, but i think me and my ex r good now.

if your committed to remain as friends then it will happen i think, it will not be easy, but if you manage to salvage a friendship then it will be worth it, If you 2 have been together for 5yrs then i think letting go will not be easy, but at the same time the chances of remaining friends will be high

 

[sk1001]

friends become lovers
lovers dont become friends.

 

[fernando]

It's possible for lovers to become friends. It just takes a very very very long time for something like that to develop.

 

[ur_inner_child]

I'm sure theres another thread like this hanging around here but i dont care.

I honestly HATE posting here with a passion, but I do need a bit of validation, and i know what all of my friends are going to say.

So for the past month or so i've been going through a break/breakup with my boyfriend i'd been with for over 5 years. I was obviously upset and scared and all that crap, but I dealt with it in my own way. So last night, we finially agreed that it wasnt going to work. Pretty much he didnt love me anymore but we still have a fantastic friendship. First and foremost he was my best friend before my boyfriend, and most of what we were so upset about when we were going through the breakup is not that we wouldnt grow old together and have babies, but that we would have lost our best friend.

We know eachother inside and out, we have always been the person we have turned to - and know that we would never be ablet o break the no-contact rule. I mean, towards the end it was only the friendship keeping us together. There wasnt the romance, there wasnt the "relationship-type" stuff.

So do y'all think this could work? I mean it IS a fucked up situation.. i do know that, but we've already talked about the new b/f g/f shit.. all of the 'problems' that can arise. I am really good friends iwth all of his family, all of his friends, and the same with me.

In all honesty we hope if we keep the friendship, one day the other stuff might just pop back and all will be well.. I just need some advice.

That red bit, that's pretty much it. I haven't ended my relationship but I think friendship is whats holding mine together for the moment, and I'm just shit scared.

How are you now? It's been more than a year.

I'd really like to know.

 

[katie tully]

yeah man, i think it's srsly hard to remain friends with somebody you were so intimate and involved with emotionally

once it ends, it ends for a reason. the whole 'let's remain friends' thing makes me think that party a. doesnt want to feel guilty about cutting ties, and party b. still has feelings for that person

and then things get messy

of course there is no need for animosity if the break was mutual, but ... i dunno

 

[Riet]

The only reason a guy would stay friends with you is if he still wants to bang you.