Shallow life.....what you think about it? (2 Viewers)

[Omie Jay]

Why do they give up on talkin to u?

 

[NorthRiversMatt]

No such idea!

 

[Cookie182]

No such idea!

Focus on rapport-building conversation

A few basic pointers to get you started:

1) Always hold good eye contact- this is a fundamental principle of body language. It shows you’re engaged in the interaction, have confidence (as insecure people look elsewhere) and it is the quickest way to develop a subconscious connection (which is what you effectively want). Just don't "stare" at the person in the process, the eye contact should be solid but the force you apply to it, light (if that makes sense).

2) Open Body Language- Shoulders up, jaw locked in, breathing at an even pace from about your diaphragm. If you’re standing, face the person, feet shoulders width apart but don't "lean-in" (peck)- that lowers your social value. In fact, lean back slightly and hold your own space (This might be slightly difficult for you, as you mentioned a hearing disability so the occasional lean-in will probably be acceptable if they are aware of this). Remember, in the first 30 seconds people make SUBCONSCIOUS judgments of your value! Also, 93% of communication is actually non-verbal- that means only 7% of the CONTENT of what you say is important.

3) Voice tonality- speak at even rhythm, with a strong, suitably loud voice that comes up through the chest (try and concentrate on your stomach as you speak not the back of your throat). Ask any lady on here- they are suckers for a strong, confident masculine voice!

3) Be INTERESTED in an honest and legitimate way about that person. Don't focus on yourself (or certainly your disability- seems under confident). Ask sensible, open questions that allow the other person to reveal who they are. This is where it becomes crucial that you are a good listener. Not only will you engage their responses with open BL (body language) but you will elicit what they like/don't like, their values etc through their answers. Once you determine this persons "map" of the world- you can attempt to enter it through focusing the conversation on topics that will engage their interest. Remember, people love to talk about themselves and they will feel a deep rapport INSTANTLY if you show active interest in them.

4) They should do the majority of the speaking, yet as rapport is establishing they will give you signs that they are interested which will include open BL, eye contact and then re-initiating questions for you. Respond honestly, but in a light-hearted and fun manner. Show your personality- your already a POPULAR human (you should have this belief- your not trying to impress them and at any moment losing them as a potential friend is no detriment to your life) so there should be no acts of desperation in the way your interacting. People tell you "to be yourself" but most people don't as they fear the conversation going bad- don't be most people. If you already have rapport- telling a joke or being playful isn't going to break it (can magnify it). Also, don't fear silence- enjoy the pauses, they are natural and you don't need "fluff'" talk like "So...." to fill them.

5) Follow these very basic steps and you should be able to start making friends/relationships with both sexes at ease. Remember, it also requires you being comfortable in your own skin, confident and on a day to day basis- HAPPY. People feel others energy- they are instinctively attracted to human warmth and positivity- so operating from this pumped -up, happy state is always attractive.

6) There are many more advanced rapport techniques- you can pm me if you like. Other ways to develop INSTANTLY strong rapport is to mimic the other persons breathing patterns, body language etc. On a subconscious level this brings down a persons initial 'guard' and allows you to quickly enter their "map" as a safe figure. Also, reading predicate statements can allow you to determine if a person operates primarily through their visual, auditory or kinesthetic (feeling) representational system and speaking in statements that utilise these modalities MAGNIFIES rapport.

Good preparation!

 

[NorthRiversMatt]

Wow such nice supporting reply Cookie182. Last time i talked to a girl which was at Best & Less at Ballina Fair after New Year. She worked in checkout area, she isn't pretty but some kind of attractivenesses that make her pretty. I started the talking saying "Hows your new year going?", even though she asked back. Likewise shes most shy girl i met lol. Doesn't really matter about that.

Most guys i meet they doesn't tend to be shy or something. Like at gym etc. Geeze two trainers from there are super confident towards people especially helping, conservation and that kind of stuff.

I'm looking forward to uni because there will be countless opportunities to meet new people from the world such as international students aswell. One question about my hearing, do i have to say something to make their speech clearer?

Of course girls are uni aswell. Like JCU at Townsville they are so many marine, biology and health female students. Certainly popular and also will be plenty in opportunities! Wish me luck on that lol.

 

[Sarah182]

One question about my hearing, do i have to say something to make their speech clearer?

Do you mean asking them to speak up or something like that?

 

[NorthRiversMatt]

Yea something like that.

 

[NorthRiversMatt]

Well had a good example at gym this morning. Oddly a girl smiled and started talking to me, well seen her before though. The convo begins we both were on bikes lol. At the time i think about nice ways to talk with someone and even luckily i read that Dale Carnegie book last night about making friends and that!

In end yea greeted but she got a bf. Oh well. lol.

 

[Sarah182]

In end yea greeted but she got a bf. Oh well. lol.

That's fine Matt! If you talked to her and you guys got along then maybe you can become friends, there is nothing wrong with that. That's a step in right direction and it'll help your confidence for when you go to uni.

 

[NorthRiversMatt]

Yea i was thinking of that for uni. It gonna be fine and awesomely cool! Hehe.

 

[stazi]

Matt needs to read The Game.

From internet loser to pickup artist. NorthRiversMatt.

 

[Steppenwolf]

Just dont read too much into it, do what comes naturally or else you will be thinking about eye contact, posture, ect, when really you just need to let your instincts do the talking,

Patience - although you probably frown upon the word and have been patient long enough to no avail, Keep at it, you will get your chance and like they say:

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Goodluck mate.

 

[stazi]

and honestly, after actually reading your post, find a girl online. I know it sounds 'loserish' but it's the easiest way to meet girls as you can be explicit and write that you do have hearing problems; that you have asperger's, etc. Well maybe don't talk about asperger's as most ppl wouldn't know what that is - but do explicate your flaws.

 

[Cookie182]

Matt needs to read The Game.

From internet loser to pickup artist. NorthRiversMatt.

Not yet. I'd suggest building confidence first. David Deangleo programs or Anthony Robbins. He needs to really understand who he is etc- read Carlos Xuma "Secrets of the Alpha Male" or "Man". "Double your Dating" is also excellent by Deangelo, then read GAME.

 

[NorthRiversMatt]

What actually a game?

 

[boris]

lol need for speed carbon matt

 

[stazi]

What actually a game?

fucking noob.

 

[dp624]

lol @ direction of thread

 

[boris]

What actually a sentence that make sense?

 

[gcchick]

Lol.

 

[NorthRiversMatt]

Just tell me. Stop wasting time being asshole please. Stop making it so difficult. I'm learning ok? Also dealing with my disabilities. Dont you know how hard is it?