FunniER Maths Jokes (1 Viewer)

lfc_reds2003 · Mar 20, 2005

one i just made up...

A conservative high-school mother went to the Principal and said "The maths teacher Mr Patel must be fired!"
"Why?" asked the Principal raising an eyebrow.
"He is sexually harassing my son and his classmates."
"Surely not," replied the principal, "What did he do?"
"He asked my son to show him his latus rectum!"

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A quickie... v sad but hey its funny

New York (CNN).
"At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.
According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction."

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Im getting frissonic over finding maths jokes.....

do i have a condition?

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

Stan.. · Mar 20, 2005

My god that is bad.

Slidey · Mar 20, 2005

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far." So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times.) 15 minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're lost!!" One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician." Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?" The reply: "For three reasons. (1) he took a long time to answer, (2) he was absolutely correct, and (3) his answer was absolutely useless."

physician · Mar 20, 2005

Slide Rule said:
Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far." So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times.) 15 minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're lost!!" One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician." Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?" The reply: "For three reasons. (1) he took a long time to answer, (2) he was absolutely correct, and (3) his answer was absolutely useless."

hehe good one

blackfriday · Mar 20, 2005

the worst ive heard was about the maths teacher who was chucked into guantanamo bay for possesing weapons of maths construction...

*boom-tish!*

DistantCube · Mar 20, 2005

please shoot me now.

Patel? You mean the Excel HSC guy..?

Captain pi · Mar 20, 2005

Not original:

GREAT MATHS PICK UP LINES

#314

Hey baby: I'm into integral calculus; and I'd love to find the area under your curves.

Trust me, they don't always work.

hatty · Mar 20, 2005

why did the maths teacher cross the road?

because that where his school is.

Trev · Mar 21, 2005

Captain pi said:
Not original:

GREAT MATHS PICK UP LINES

#314

Hey baby: I'm into integral calculus; and I'd love to find the area under your curves.

Trust me, they don't always work.

Haha, yesss.....
How about that one you said the other day I heard about, it goes something along the lines of this:
There were two mathematicians, one said "I love geometric progessions whole-heartedly", the other replied "I agree, half-heartedly, quarter-heartedly, one-eighth-heartedly........."

Templar · Mar 21, 2005

aural_sax05 said:
New York (CNN).
"At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.
According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction."

At least put the whole thing up instead of just a summarised varient.

shannonm · Mar 21, 2005

i wish i was d/du so i could lie tangent to your curves
your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors
why dont we perform some fourier analysis on ourselves and reduce to a series of simple periodic functions
i have a proof of the goldbach conjecture, inside my pants
my vector has a large magnitude, care to normalise it?

breaking · Mar 21, 2005

knock knock
who's there?
mat
mat who?
maths teacher! have your homework ready students!!!

Slidey · Mar 21, 2005

Trev said:
Haha, yesss.....
How about that one you said the other day I heard about, it goes something along the lines of this:
There were two mathematicians, one said "I love geometric progessions whole-heartedly", the other replied "I agree, half-heartedly, quarter-heartedly, one-eighth-heartedly........."

I had that in my signature a while go:

"I love geometric progressions"
"I agree whole-heartedly, half-heartedly, quarter-heartedly, eighth-heartedly..."

jlee · Mar 22, 2005

o i no one that will b funny for some, from a guy friend the other day

b4i√u ru/16
also on one guys jersey

1/cos c
lol

hope u 4unit guys get it (but my 2u freinds had a tough time shaking their heads going "stupid trig")

lfc_reds2003 · Mar 22, 2005

jlee said:
o i no one that will b funny for some, from a guy friend the other day

b4i√u ru/16
also on one guys jersey

1/cos c
lol

hope u 4unit guys get it (but my 2u freinds had a tough time shaking their heads going "stupid trig")

those are clever

lolzz

zahid · Mar 22, 2005

Slide Rule said:
Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far." So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times.) 15 minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're lost!!" One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician." Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?" The reply: "For three reasons. (1) he took a long time to answer, (2) he was absolutely correct, and (3) his answer was absolutely useless."

Jeff Geha?

Trev · Mar 22, 2005

There is that one from Geha's "50 HSC exam tips - extension 2";
<b>Theorem:</b> All horses have an infinite number of legs.
<b>Proof:</b> (by intimidation):
Everyone would agree that all horses have an even number of legs. It is also well-known that horses have forelegs in front and two legs in back. 4 + 2 = 6 legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse to have! Now the only number that is both even and off is infinity; therefore all horses have na infinite number of legs.

blackfriday · Mar 22, 2005

my gawd no wonder people point and laugh at us

Trev · Mar 22, 2005

People point and laugh at you?

lfc_reds2003 · Mar 23, 2005

hahahahah that horse one is clever!!

FunniER Maths Jokes (1 Viewer)

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