would you change 4 someone else? (1 Viewer)

[coldasice]

what would you do if your partner asked you to change for them, and by change I mean change the way you dress, the way you behave in public, the groups you hang out with etc.

you see, I'm not very fond of the way my g/f dresses, particularly the amount of make-up she uses, and I've been a little pushy about it, to be honest . Though I only realised today, after we had an argument.


any thoughts?

cheers.

 

[Gangels]

No, no i would not. That person who asks someone to do this is stupid. Why dont you change?

 

[T-Boner]

no way. theres enough women on this earth for there to be AT LEAST one who is sweet with exactly how i am. no way would i change for a girl

 

[Gangels]

Nup, never happened to me. Girls either like me or they dont and if they dont like something, they deal with it. What sort of makeup and dress we talking here? slutty? Not enough? Too much?

 

[nwatts]

some things yeah i'd change, other things i wouldn't

dress sense? probably. opinions/personality? no.

 

[alby]

emotional/personality stuff - most likely no..i'm me and currently very happy with who i am, so i'll be the only one changing the way i am and how i act
language - only if it was seriously an issue (and i would most likely have noticed it already)
dress/make up - only if he had some amazing ideas/suggestions...in which case i would be wondering if he was bi/curious or how many sisters he had

 

[flipsyde]

No I wouldn't... well it would depend I guess. Let's say I smoked (for the record I dont) and he wanted me to stop, not for him but for me and cos he cared about me. Then yeah Id think about it.

But if its the way I look or the way I am then I wouldnt because he has to liek me for who I am and nothing less. If it were something small that was kind of annoying, like something I said that annoyed him, I certainly wouldnt stop completely, but Id be willing to come to a comprimise where I didnt say it around him or something. As Manda Bear said if it were a language thing.. I could understand if he got offended by swearing, again itd be a thing that I wouldnt stop, but if it bothered him I wouldnt do it around him. I can respect that totally.

But in general, no I wouldnt and I dont expect him to change for me. Im not a dressy/make-up person. I most certaintly weouldnt wear it everyday for him. However, if he was going to take me somewhere nice and wanted me to dress up... I certainly would for a special occasion. Its not something Id do everyday though.

 

[Born Dancer]

some things yeah i'd change, other things i wouldn't

dress sense? probably. opinions/personality? no.

NO DONT DO THAT
ahem
i mean
nicholas, you are fine the way you are

 

[Atticus.]

what would you do if your partner asked you to change for them, and by change I mean change the way you dress, the way you behave in public, the groups you hang out with etc.

you see, I'm not very fond of the way my g/f dresses, particularly the amount of make-up she uses, and I've been a little pushy about it, to be honest . Though I only realised today, after we had an argument.


any thoughts?

cheers.

this is why my frist relationship degenerated into a nuclear holocaust
i was too "out there"
i was too in love with the ocean and my music was weird
she was too conservative and preety much demanded i changed without actually saying it. high school was a bad bad bad bad time for me

 

[flipsyde]

this is why my frist relationship degenerated into a nuclear holocaust
i was too "out there"
i was too in love with the ocean and my music was weird
she was too conservative and preety much demanded i changed without actually saying it. high school was a bad bad bad bad time for me

see thats bad, even if I thought my partners music was 'weird' I wouldnt care...opposites attract right? Out there is better than conservative because youre not afraid to have fun, my bf is a bit of both, Id say more conservative than anything else. But he loves my out-goingness, and its good to kinda have someone who can be conservative, becasue its stops you from going too far.

Having a passion or being in love with something I find is a very good thing, iif someone can have passion/love for something (especially something liek the ocean), that tells me that they are a very compassioate, caring person. Unless the love was controlling their life and theyd rather go surfing all the tiem than spend tome with me, or it was a bad passion like murdering people.

In short, Tom, you shouldnt have to change who you are and what you love for anyone.

 

[Loz#1]

you don't just change for someone because they tell you to so if someone said to me, i don't like your music tastes, your personality and the way you dress, i think i would be like, well what the fuck are you doing with me then?

 

[Atticus.]

see thats bad, even if I thought my partners music was 'weird' I wouldnt care...opposites attract right? Out there is better than conservative because youre not afraid to have fun, my bf is a bit of both, Id say more conservative than anything else. But he loves my out-goingness, and its good to kinda have someone who can be conservative, becasue its stops you from going too far.

Having a passion or being in love with something I find is a very good thing, iif someone can have passion/love for something (especially something liek the ocean), that tells me that they are a very compassioate, caring person. Unless the love was controlling their life and theyd rather go surfing all the tiem than spend tome with me, or it was a bad passion like murdering people.

In short, Tom, you shouldnt have to change who you are and what you love for anyone.

oh trust me i dont now and i didnt then
in fact just to spite her i probably got more weird haha !

 

[ElGronko]

'Sif change the way you dress?

Your appearance is an aesthetic reflection of who you are.

I would only change if I wanted to. I mean, yeah, as others have said, to intentionally, consciously force a change is to change the real you to something else (that is not you), thus changing the person she wanted to go out with.



Laaaaaame.

 

[loquasagacious]

People don't change.

I'm guessing that your concern is that your gf dresses like a whore, right? What you have to ask yourself is why she does it, does she do it so guys look at her? Or is she doing it for girls, eg girls are generally speaking competitive dressers. If its the first then maybe you should dump her?

 

[SweetSeasons]

In the past I would have, but now i'm pretty happy being me... in saying this I would change trivial things like I'd stop drinking so much for my man and so forth..

 

[nwatts]

NO DONT DO THAT
ahem
i mean
nicholas, you are fine the way you are

okay!

 

[ujuphleg]

I think that its a matter of what the person believes constitutes a compromise of themself.

My friends (some of whom are on this forum so will already know this saga) are familiar with what I call "the Hawaiian shirt situation".

Essentially, my boyfriend loves this bright garish tacky hawaiian shirts. And he wears them all the time.

Personally I would prefer that he didn't for a number of reasons
1) I dont' think they look good on him
2) They are stupid in my opinion
3) His reasons for wearing them: "I'm going against the fashion" "I don't want to conform" are shit, because wearing Hawaiian shirts isn't anti-fashion its just unfashionable full stop.

BUT for him, the way that he dresses is an aesthetic projection of himself. And because he likes them, I even buy them for him even though I don't like them.


He point blank refuses to change in anyway for me, which worries me to an extent because I'm from the school of thought that believes that sometimes, circumstances change and you have to as well whether you like it or not (eg. your partner becomes pregnant .'. you should stop smoking whether you want to or not) because he believes that changing these things would be to compromise himself.

Whereas, if he wants me to change something (he doesn't but if he does) I'd be happy to hear his reasons why and consider them on their individual merit. If there is a logical reason outside of just "I want you to" then I would definatley consider it, because it would be a change for the better for you in general, not just for them.

So ultimatley, like almost everything concerning Love and Relationships, it is purely up to the opinion of the individual.

 

[lilkiwicutie89]

um .. depends reallyy...

- haha makeup .. lols i dont use make up besides, eyeliner and lipgloss/balm .. so thats no issue...
- clothes .. um yeah i guess? actually depends..
- music.. um NO ..
- personality.. Um .. maybe some parts.. ieee... i should minmise my talking .. * still trying* .. and succedding !!.. but im quite boring now.. oh well ..
- emotions no ...

so yeah i guess it depends on different people...

but im still working on becoming a better person XD ..

tC

but yeah not everyone will be willing to change for the bf.. mabye its something unique that they possess and you cant tell them to change.. casue thats not fair i guess.??? ..

 

[azzie]

There's something people need to realise, and the sooner the better.

People DO NOT change.

You've been who you are for 17/18/19/20 years, then someone comes along and tells you what to do, how to make yourself "better" blah blah. As if it's going to be some kinda permanent change.

It might work for a while, but human beings are creatures of habit, they'll revert back to past behaviours. It took me 8 years to stop biting my nails, and that's just biting my nails!

Try and find a partner who, from the offset, exhibits the kinds of habits or behaviours you like, or don't mind. This includes how they dress, talk etc.


Trying to change someone is bound to do one of two things- make them unhappy, or make you unhappy.

 

[nwatts]

there's a big difference between changing someone and for a person to change.

yes it's stupid to think that you can change someone elses lifestyle habits because you don't approve of them. but it is not stupid to consider that people change as a product of living/growing/maturing in the world. you can't bet that your partner will out grow some random habit you don't like through the process of simply living and changing, but everyone has to expect that the person they know and love now could be a different person in 5-10 years time.

people do change. it's one of those pure facts that no level of relativism can change.