Would Anyone Critique My Proposal? (1 Viewer)

[sleepplease]

Hey Guys,

Just wondering if any of you (in particular the mods or past ee2 students) could spare a sec to read over my proposal and offer my some feedback. It's worth 20% so it's really important I perfect it.

I have a couple of questions regarding resources. I am doing poetry so it's a little different from a critical essay, but I none the less have done alot of research. I did a huge amount of wide reading and analysis of poem structure - do I include those short stories and poems or not? If yes, under what heading? Also, do I include the guides and essays I read about how to play with form, rhythm etc.? Finally, my research for my actual topic is insane because my poems explore the fall of man (In a subverting religion kind of way) I have research everything from volcanos to the war in iraq to create specifc images I want in my work - so how on earth do I group those kind of resources? See my delemia!

I would greatly appreciate any input, cheers!

 

[sleepplease]

Oh, in addition - word limit is 1000 (no 10% leeway) which is why it's shorter than some of the others i've read on this site.

 

[Zephyrio]

Hey sleepplease, I got 20/20 for my proposal, so I'll try my best to critique it, though I'm pretty sure it'll need no tweaking at all.

EDIT:
Okay, I've quickly gone through your proposal. I thought you discussed your concept and subject matter well, and obviously your proposal isn't quite finished; re: RESOURCES (MUST DO!). I've got a question: did your teacher ask you to set it out like that, or was that to your own discretion? At my school, we set it out like this: Concept, Research, Medium, Composition, Plan. I actually went through some past proposals and made a checklist from which I wrote my own proposal... perhaps you'd like to have a look?

MEDIUM

Explain why you have chosen the short story medium. What is it about this medium that will allow you to express your concept in the clearest way possible? Show a basic understanding of short stories: its structure, conventions and do not be superficial when explaining why you have chosen short stories. What features should a short story have? Why does it appeal to you? Show an awareness of the stylistic features of a short story: voice, techniques, syntax, multiple-views, and how some elements of traditional short stories may be subverted (or maintained).

CONCEPT
Be sure that you have explained your concept simply and fully. Explain it as simply as possible, but articulately and make some comments about your concept. The bulk of your marks will come from this so ensure that you explain yourself well!

RESEARCH AND INVESTIGATION
Explain how you will research your medium, your concept and your subject matter. Why will research and investigation aid your writing and your work? Some ideas would be to use the internet, visit a law court, use the State and Fischer Libraries, ask your brother, interview lawyers and Holocaust survivors at the Sydney Jewish Museum. How will gaining information in these ways aid you? Why is it vital? Be creative in the way you will conduct your research – there is more than books and the internet!

COMPOSITION
What processes will be involved in composing your short story? If needed, read a book or two about the steps of composing your work. For example, drafting and editing will be immensely important to your work, so mention them and explain that there is a process involved. How will you compose your work?

PLANNING
Demonstrate that with the time constraints of year 12, you will have a rough, but reasonable and realistic expectation of the time required through your various stages of composition. In this, you should include when your research will be conducted (and how), what will be researched (subject matter, concept, medium); the drafting and editing of your work, criticisms you wish to gain from teachers and mentors, and deadlines you wish to meet.

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So yeah, if that's any help to you... You could also scrap the entire list I've given you though, lol, since obviously different schools have different requirements. And golly, ONLY 1000 words? We were given 1500.

 

[sleepplease]

Zephyrio - thanks so much for that. We weren't told how to set it out, but we were given a criteria to follow, and I sort of grouped them into broad headings. I think though from what you have written that maybe I could combine abstract and significance into a more concise "concept" and do more on medium and composition... I'll post up a draft two shortly,
thanks heaps !

 

[j-mo]

Hi sleepplease,

When posting this sort of thing, the most important thing to post is your actual assessment "question". I'm sure your school gave you some sort of written assignment, and that is what I'd use as a base for any sort of critique.

- Jess

 

[sleepplease]

Hey Jess, these are the vague guidlines we were given -

in your proposal, outline and explain your intentions and what you want to achieve in your major work and how you will go about achieving your aim in your chosen medium of production.

IN your proposal you could include the following:
the concept and ideas you aim to explore
possible inspiration for your work
the link with the knowledge, understanding and skills developed in the advanced or ext 1 courses
reasons for your choice
comment on the process of finding your way to the decision (your interests and strengths)
processes and methods of investigation and research you will undertake to achieve your aim (courses, workshops, experimentation with form, structure and style)
relevant reading and skills to acquire
intended audience.

 

[sleepplease]

HEY GANG,

I have talked to my teachers and been advised no subheadings and just talk briefly about concept and then about exactly how you plan to or have already executed your work - your process and what ou plan to do in the future.

I've attached my latest proposal. I am begging you guys to critique it. It needs to be cut down by 200 words but just if you could highlight shitty chunks or suggest stuff that would be wonderful.

It's due on monday so I'm nearing the end of the drafting process.

Thanks xox

 

[glitterfairy]

I don't really do any kind of critique anymore due to uni/work schedule, but since you asked so nicely....

Having had a quick skim I'd say you're doing what I call 'The HSC Effect'. There's no need to be any wordier than you have to. For example:

"My major work is in the beginning stages of its production. Currently, I have written about four thousand words from which I will select effective lines and images and continue with the process of refining and reshaping. Simultaneously, I am reading widely and experimenting with form – canzone, villanelle, terza rima and the sonnet in particular. "

to something like:

Currently in the beginning stages of production, my major work of 4000 words will be carefully analysed in terms of effective lines and images prior to further refining and reshaping. During this time I will continue to read widely and experiment with such forms as canzone, fillanelle, terza rima and the sonnet in particular.

There's actually only one word difference, but the flow is much better and in my opinion, sounds more to the point. I know that by using "I" you may very well be trying to be honest and using it as a writing tool, but it's very easy to sound pretentious this way (something I've always wondered whether the HSC encourages at times...)


Other than that, your writing style is remarkably similar to what I think mine was back in the day, although I think I was a touch more reflexive and you tend to go a touch more analytical. If I am any example, just practice condensing. Really think about what your saying, what ideas can be linked, and thus what sentences can be linked. Also be selective about how much you quote - you may need to paraphrase instead.

 

[sleepplease]

Thankyou so so SO much glitterfairy - I've compacted and simplified like you said!

Anyone else got any suggestions?