Take a read of this essay i've edited. Things i helped out there might be helpful for you too
:
http://www.boredofstudies.org/community/showthread.php?t=49331
You both had similar things for me to say about:
+It is the IMAGINATIVE not the IMAGINARY journey. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get that right !
+Your speech is not formal enough. There is too much colloquialism/slang and slacking off (in terms of wording)
+You really need to have evidence of the teachniques. The only way to do this is to quote.
+Your essay has
no link to the concept of the imaginative journey. You need to have the linked
+In relation to the above, mention the word "journey" every so often in your essay. This way, theres always some correlation to it
+There really isnt a flow to your speech. Use words such as "on the other hand", "similarly" , "contrastingly" etc to link your ideas together
+Write in third person
+DO NOT RECOUNT THE TEXT, talk ONLY about its techniques and relate them to what they have to say about the focus journey
I reccomend you edit it and possible use the other i've shown you as a guide. There are plenty of resources on the main site so have a look there. Repost up your essay and i'll edit it the day you post it. I got a little bit lazy with this one but i promise you i'll do everything i can for the next one
cheers
kimmeh
