The Official Football Thread 2005/2006 (1 Viewer)

[Jimmy_B]

More jokes please

Good News

Saddam is facing the death Penalty

Bad News

Beckham is taking it

 

[bJ_Bhoy 87]

More jokes please

Only because you insist... (ive been busting to post them)

Wanderlei Luxemburgo is getting worried about his team's recent poor form against Barcelona. He just can't understand it, Real Madrid is the biggest club in Europe, have all the best players, but every time they play Barca, they get beaten.

So Wanderlei gives Frank Rijkaard a call and explains his problem. Frank is very understanding and invites Wanderlei down to watch his team training. So Wanderlei turns up at Nou Camp and spends a day watching the Barca players. At the end of the training session he says to Frank:

"I still don't understand, we seem to do all the same things in training that you do, but you still beat us all the time".

"Ah" says Mr Rijkaard , "I don't think it's anything to do with the training. I think it's because my players are more intelligent than yours".

Wanderlei looks a bit peeved and asks Frank, "What the bloody hell do you mean by that?".

"Well" says Frank, "We also train our boys in lateral thinking".

To demonstrate his point he calls over Samuel Eto'o.

"Samuel, here's a problem for you. He's you father's son, but he's not your brother; who is he?".

"That's easy" says Eto'o, it's me."

"Correct" says Frank.

Wanderlei is very impressed. He goes back to Madrid and next day in training he calls over David Beckham.

"David, I've been talking to Frank Rijkaard and he reckons his players are more intelligent than ours".

"That's rubbish, Boss", is Beckham's considered reply.

"OK", says Wanderlei, "I've got a question for you. He's your father's son, but he's not your brother. Who is he?"

Beckham looks blank and replies, "Need some time to think about this one gaffer, can I tell you tomorrow?"

Wanderlei agrees and Beckham goes home thinking about the problem. He asks Viccy, but she hasn't a clue what he's talking about. He eventually decides to give Raul a call, maybe he will understand.

"Hello Raul, it's David. I've got a question for you. He's your father's son, but he's not your brother. Who is he?".

"That's easy", says Raul, "It's me".

So Beckham calls over Wanderlei Luxemburgo the next day in training and says, "Morning Boss, I've got the answer to that question"

"OK. What is it?" asks Wanderlei.

"It's Raul" replies the confident Beckham.

"You stupid idiot!" shouts Wanderlei , "It's not Raul... its Samuel Eto'o!"

 

[bJ_Bhoy 87]

David Beckham started jogging near his home in Madrid.

Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

"Fifty euros!" she'd shout from the curb.

"No! Five euros!" David would fire back.

This ritual between David and the hooker became a daily occurrence.

He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty euros!" He'd yell back, "Five euros!"

One day, Victoria decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.

As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, David realized she'd bark her €50 offer and Victoria would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.

He figured he'd better have a very good explanation for his beloved.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, David became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker. David tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

The whore got a bit upset that she was being ignored, but she quickly saw the real reason. From the pavement, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five euros!!!"

 

[Epitome of Lazy]

Anyone know Lucas Neill, plays for australia - used to be my neighbour

 

[LMF^^]

Why are the jokez all about Beckham...?

 

[Benny_]

Only because you insist... (ive been busting to post them)

Wanderlei Luxemburgo is getting worried about his team's recent poor form against Barcelona. He just can't understand it, Real Madrid is the biggest club in Europe, have all the best players, but every time they play Barca, they get beaten.

So Wanderlei gives Frank Rijkaard a call and explains his problem. Frank is very understanding and invites Wanderlei down to watch his team training. So Wanderlei turns up at Nou Camp and spends a day watching the Barca players. At the end of the training session he says to Frank:

"I still don't understand, we seem to do all the same things in training that you do, but you still beat us all the time".

"Ah" says Mr Rijkaard , "I don't think it's anything to do with the training. I think it's because my players are more intelligent than yours".

Wanderlei looks a bit peeved and asks Frank, "What the bloody hell do you mean by that?".

"Well" says Frank, "We also train our boys in lateral thinking".

To demonstrate his point he calls over Samuel Eto'o.

"Samuel, here's a problem for you. He's you father's son, but he's not your brother; who is he?".

"That's easy" says Eto'o, it's me."

"Correct" says Frank.

Wanderlei is very impressed. He goes back to Madrid and next day in training he calls over David Beckham.

"David, I've been talking to Frank Rijkaard and he reckons his players are more intelligent than ours".

"That's rubbish, Boss", is Beckham's considered reply.

"OK", says Wanderlei, "I've got a question for you. He's your father's son, but he's not your brother. Who is he?"

Beckham looks blank and replies, "Need some time to think about this one gaffer, can I tell you tomorrow?"

Wanderlei agrees and Beckham goes home thinking about the problem. He asks Viccy, but she hasn't a clue what he's talking about. He eventually decides to give Raul a call, maybe he will understand.

"Hello Raul, it's David. I've got a question for you. He's your father's son, but he's not your brother. Who is he?".

"That's easy", says Raul, "It's me".

So Beckham calls over Wanderlei Luxemburgo the next day in training and says, "Morning Boss, I've got the answer to that question"

"OK. What is it?" asks Wanderlei.

"It's Raul" replies the confident Beckham.

"You stupid idiot!" shouts Wanderlei , "It's not Raul... its Samuel Eto'o!"

That's the 3rd set of names I've seen that joke applied to. Oldie but goodie.

 

[bJ_Bhoy 87]

Why are the jokez all about Beckham...?

Why not? Well, heres one that isnt. I'll dedicate it to Jimmy:

A Spurs fan and an Arsenal fan get into a car accident, and it's a bad one.

Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Spurs fan says, "So you're an Arsenal fan, that's interesting. I'm a Spurs fan... Wow! Just look at our cars, there's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Arsenal fan replied, "I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"

The Spurs fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."

Then he hands the bottle to the Arsenal fan. The Arsenal fan nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then handing it back to the Spurs fan.

The Spurs fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Arsenal fan.

The Arsenal fan asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The Spurs fan replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..."

 

[Bookie]

Haha, hilarious.

Anyway. Bayern on TV tomorow. The one tme a year I get to see the biys playing, and they usually tend to bore it up and lose 1-0 or draw 0-0.

 

[Benny_]

1-0 to Juve, Del Piero to score. Should be a snoozefest. Better I stay in bed actually.

 

[RUB!X]

love the jokes, keep em coming ...
haha juve v munich ... the most boring match in football, ill watch it anyway

 

[LMF^^]

I'll be watchin my United play against Lille.


LoL Park Ji-Sung came off the bench fo Giggs and took the captainz armband from the 80th min.

 

[bazookajoe]

Great return for Henry, scored Arsenal's two goals in their win over Prague.

Bayern Munich 2-1 Juventus
Rapid Vienna 0-1 Club Brugge
Ajax 2-0 FC Thun
Sparta Prague 0-2 Arsenal
Panathinaikos 0-0 Barcelona
Udinese 1-1 Werder Bremen
Man Utd 0-0 Lille
Villarreal 1-1 Benfica

Disappointing results for Barca and Man Utd who should be getting wins in these games, all the other results are pretty right. And according to Benitez, Kewell should make his return against Anderlecht tonight!

 

[Benny_]

I'd be surprised if Kewell doesn't get a good run tonight. Pool are badly short on options on the left and even a 50% Kewell would help the team out. Fingers crossed on Benfica getting knocked out in the group stage, I hear Simao's coming on the cheap if they do.

 

[Italian Hotshot]

Wow ... Juve defenders should be shot for the display they put in. Thuram was terrible and Chiellini put in one of the worst performances by a defender I have ever seen! They really are a weakened side without Patrick Vieira.

 

[matt#1]

Wow ... Juve defenders should be shot for the display they put in.

Arsenal should be shot for letting Vieira go . He has been a revelation at Juve this season. Man Utd's 0-0 draw with Lille was a little bit dissapointing. We looked a little bit lost without Rooney and the guidance of Keane. Scholes was also red carded for two bookable offences. I'm now looking forward to the game against Tottenham on the weekend. It should be a cracker!

 

[walrusbear]

Great return for Henry, scored Arsenal's two goals in their win over Prague.

Bayern Munich 2-1 Juventus
Rapid Vienna 0-1 Club Brugge
Ajax 2-0 FC Thun
Sparta Prague 0-2 Arsenal
Panathinaikos 0-0 Barcelona
Udinese 1-1 Werder Bremen
Man Utd 0-0 Lille
Villarreal 1-1 Benfica

Disappointing results for Barca and Man Utd who should be getting wins in these games, all the other results are pretty right. And according to Benitez, Kewell should make his return against Anderlecht tonight!

well at least arsenal can be consistent in at least one competition

 

[bJ_Bhoy 87]

http://www3.sbs.com.au/home/index.php3?id=64468

Gordie, if you help that wanker McLeish to a CL second round berth, i wont be the only one sending you to Ibrox.

btw: well done munich.

and for all you maldini fans, it looks as if there is another one to support:

http://www3.sbs.com.au/home/index.php3?id=64469

 

[Benny_]

well at least arsenal can be consistent in at least one competition

Or at least one stage of one competition.

 

[Jimmy_B]

Great return for Henry, scored Arsenal's two goals in their win over Prague.

becomes arsenal's record goalscorer too. great great player, but ledley will eat him up come derby time in two weeks

 

[LMF^^]

Arsenal should be shot for letting Vieira go . He has been a revelation at Juve this season. Man Utd's 0-0 draw with Lille was a little bit dissapointing. We looked a little bit lost without Rooney and the guidance of Keane. Scholes was also red carded for two bookable offences. I'm now looking forward to the game against Tottenham on the weekend. It should be a cracker!

And Giggs got a fractured cheekbone, mo injury worriez.

Lille committed so many foulz and they got away wit most of em, I guess they played the smarter game and Scholes just made the foulz at the wrong momentz.

The Koreanz must be makin a big fuss out of Park bein a Man Utd captain now.