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Lex's review of episode 3!
Lex: Survivors Morgan tribe maintains perfect losing streak
Shiver me timbers ... the battle for dominance in the Pearl Islands raged on this week, and once again the Morgan tribe found themselves a step closer to the end of the plank.
After three episodes, Morgan has maintained a perfect record ... of losing. Two more consecutive defeats and they will have broken "Survivors" all-time record of losingest tribe (the Maraamu tribe lost the first six challenges in Marquesas).
Morgan seems hell-bent on taking that long one-way trip down to Davy Jones Locker and itll take a miracle to get them out of the mess theyve made of their game.
Id suggest a mutiny, except that theres nobody left on the crew that I really care about anymore, and Id almost rather see the whole ship go down, dragging all of these scurvy dogs with it.
Since the lions share of our entertainment so far has come from watching the Morgan tribe nosedive into oblivion, I figured itd only be fair to feature them in this weeks column. Lets take a closer look at this sad tribes surviving members:
Andrew
Andrew, the 40 year-old attorney from Chicago, was once the in-house counsel for The Jerry Springer Show. Morgans delusional commander-in-chief, King Andrew, has consistently made one bonehead mistake after another, orchestrating the ejection of the tribes most valuable members while tenaciously protecting crybaby Osten the Quitter.
Judging from his ludicrous leadership skills, Andrew seems to be full of as much baloney as the trashy TV show he once represented. If any one person is to blame for Morgans currently pathetic situation, its Andrew. And does anybody else out there find themselves cracking up when he shows up to challenges and tribal councils, shirtless, wearing the Armani sport coat?
Osten
Osten, the 27 year-old equity trade manager from Boston, has the Charles Atlas body. Seriously, what the hell is this guy still doing on the show? With all his whining and complaining, Id have no choice but to send this dumb-ass to time out...the BIG time out. For a guy who days ago was begging to get out of the game, he sure does rally and talk a lot of trash about the folks hed like voted out. One word: QUITTER.
Ryan
Ryan O. is the 31 year-old electrician from Los Gatos. If I was Ryan, Id be more selective of who I run with, because the friends you keep will either lift you up or bring you down, and down is the only direction these simpletons have been traveling. Ryan has adopted the role of King Andrews lieutenant, or more accurately yes-man, and he seems to spend as much time hiding behind Andrews skivvies as Osten does.
Before I continue, a quick sidenote...Morgans men are oddly like the three stooges. Andrew is Moe, Ryan is Larry, and Osten is Shemp. (None of them are worthy of Curly...he was God.)
Darrah
Darrah is the 22 year-old mortician from Mississippi. Darrah, Darrah, Darrah...I had such high hopes for you. What happened to the girl in your audition video? You were supposed to be this seasons ass-whoopin firecracker with a smart mouth. Theres no doubt youre a hot lil mink, but beyond that youve turned out to be a dim bulb. Do your tribe mates even notice that youre there?
Get out from under that radar and start kicking some ass, or next weeks ballots at tribal council will all read: "that cute girl...whats her name?"
Tijuana
Tijuana is the 27 year-old pharmaceutical sales rep from St. Louis. She seems to be the only Morgan remaining with any common sense or play left in her. Shes managed to stay off the Three Stooges radar, and yet still speak her mind. Id love to see her jump ship and sneak over to the Drake camp.
The challenges this week were clever tests of each tribes ability to work together as a team, and it came as no surprise that Drake swept the competition again.
The reward challenge had each tribe split up in four dinghys (two per tribe), and on Jeffs signal they were to try and sink the other tribes boats. First tribe to sink both opponents boats won a stack of pillows, blankets and a mattress, along with a trip the losers camp to pillage the item of their choice.
Osten fought like a man possessed by bloodlust and revenge, and in the process lost all control and sense, sinking his own dinghy in a fit of competitive rage...definitely the highlight of the challenge. As each little Morgan boat sank in slow motion, you could almost hear the sad sound of taps being played by a lonely bugle in the distance.
One other scene that stuck out this week, was the shouting match between Jonny Jackass and Sandra. Im waiting for these two to engage in a Battle Royale. You know that when this fight goes down, itll be a gloves-off, knock down drag out brawl...and my moneys on Sandra all the way.
Jonny Dorkdog jinxed all chances of going far when he announced, "Sandras days are numbered, and Ive got a mil that says she wont be the final one."
This weeks episode made it seem like losing the tribes last fishhook is what sealed Lills doom, but I think it had a lot more to do with her being the outsider. I think Lillian game-ending blunder was the fact that she decided to go fishing alone rather than take someone along.
In my opinion, she still had a good chance to do a little lobbying and relationship building, with King Andrew perhaps, and mightve saved her skin if she hadnt lost her fighting spirit.
Tribal council was a crack up this week. Jeff Probst badgered everyone about the sorry state of Morgan and like ostriches with their heads stuck in the sand, they each responded with absurdities like "were a tribe unified" or "were still strong."
In a prophetic coincidence that reeked of foreshadowing, tribal council ended with Jeff Probst having to snuff Lills torch TWICE it seems the sucker just wouldnt go out. Hmmm...could this be a clue fingering the rumored pre-jury loser who wins the opportunity to come back into the game after the merge and resume playing?
Lex: Survivors Morgan tribe maintains perfect losing streak
Shiver me timbers ... the battle for dominance in the Pearl Islands raged on this week, and once again the Morgan tribe found themselves a step closer to the end of the plank.
After three episodes, Morgan has maintained a perfect record ... of losing. Two more consecutive defeats and they will have broken "Survivors" all-time record of losingest tribe (the Maraamu tribe lost the first six challenges in Marquesas).
Morgan seems hell-bent on taking that long one-way trip down to Davy Jones Locker and itll take a miracle to get them out of the mess theyve made of their game.
Id suggest a mutiny, except that theres nobody left on the crew that I really care about anymore, and Id almost rather see the whole ship go down, dragging all of these scurvy dogs with it.
Since the lions share of our entertainment so far has come from watching the Morgan tribe nosedive into oblivion, I figured itd only be fair to feature them in this weeks column. Lets take a closer look at this sad tribes surviving members:
Andrew
Andrew, the 40 year-old attorney from Chicago, was once the in-house counsel for The Jerry Springer Show. Morgans delusional commander-in-chief, King Andrew, has consistently made one bonehead mistake after another, orchestrating the ejection of the tribes most valuable members while tenaciously protecting crybaby Osten the Quitter.
Judging from his ludicrous leadership skills, Andrew seems to be full of as much baloney as the trashy TV show he once represented. If any one person is to blame for Morgans currently pathetic situation, its Andrew. And does anybody else out there find themselves cracking up when he shows up to challenges and tribal councils, shirtless, wearing the Armani sport coat?
Osten
Osten, the 27 year-old equity trade manager from Boston, has the Charles Atlas body. Seriously, what the hell is this guy still doing on the show? With all his whining and complaining, Id have no choice but to send this dumb-ass to time out...the BIG time out. For a guy who days ago was begging to get out of the game, he sure does rally and talk a lot of trash about the folks hed like voted out. One word: QUITTER.
Ryan
Ryan O. is the 31 year-old electrician from Los Gatos. If I was Ryan, Id be more selective of who I run with, because the friends you keep will either lift you up or bring you down, and down is the only direction these simpletons have been traveling. Ryan has adopted the role of King Andrews lieutenant, or more accurately yes-man, and he seems to spend as much time hiding behind Andrews skivvies as Osten does.
Before I continue, a quick sidenote...Morgans men are oddly like the three stooges. Andrew is Moe, Ryan is Larry, and Osten is Shemp. (None of them are worthy of Curly...he was God.)
Darrah
Darrah is the 22 year-old mortician from Mississippi. Darrah, Darrah, Darrah...I had such high hopes for you. What happened to the girl in your audition video? You were supposed to be this seasons ass-whoopin firecracker with a smart mouth. Theres no doubt youre a hot lil mink, but beyond that youve turned out to be a dim bulb. Do your tribe mates even notice that youre there?
Get out from under that radar and start kicking some ass, or next weeks ballots at tribal council will all read: "that cute girl...whats her name?"
Tijuana
Tijuana is the 27 year-old pharmaceutical sales rep from St. Louis. She seems to be the only Morgan remaining with any common sense or play left in her. Shes managed to stay off the Three Stooges radar, and yet still speak her mind. Id love to see her jump ship and sneak over to the Drake camp.
The challenges this week were clever tests of each tribes ability to work together as a team, and it came as no surprise that Drake swept the competition again.
The reward challenge had each tribe split up in four dinghys (two per tribe), and on Jeffs signal they were to try and sink the other tribes boats. First tribe to sink both opponents boats won a stack of pillows, blankets and a mattress, along with a trip the losers camp to pillage the item of their choice.
Osten fought like a man possessed by bloodlust and revenge, and in the process lost all control and sense, sinking his own dinghy in a fit of competitive rage...definitely the highlight of the challenge. As each little Morgan boat sank in slow motion, you could almost hear the sad sound of taps being played by a lonely bugle in the distance.
One other scene that stuck out this week, was the shouting match between Jonny Jackass and Sandra. Im waiting for these two to engage in a Battle Royale. You know that when this fight goes down, itll be a gloves-off, knock down drag out brawl...and my moneys on Sandra all the way.
Jonny Dorkdog jinxed all chances of going far when he announced, "Sandras days are numbered, and Ive got a mil that says she wont be the final one."
This weeks episode made it seem like losing the tribes last fishhook is what sealed Lills doom, but I think it had a lot more to do with her being the outsider. I think Lillian game-ending blunder was the fact that she decided to go fishing alone rather than take someone along.
In my opinion, she still had a good chance to do a little lobbying and relationship building, with King Andrew perhaps, and mightve saved her skin if she hadnt lost her fighting spirit.
Tribal council was a crack up this week. Jeff Probst badgered everyone about the sorry state of Morgan and like ostriches with their heads stuck in the sand, they each responded with absurdities like "were a tribe unified" or "were still strong."
In a prophetic coincidence that reeked of foreshadowing, tribal council ended with Jeff Probst having to snuff Lills torch TWICE it seems the sucker just wouldnt go out. Hmmm...could this be a clue fingering the rumored pre-jury loser who wins the opportunity to come back into the game after the merge and resume playing?