should i be angry?? (1 Viewer)

[sharnz06]

my boyf's formals on the same nite as mine... we're both goin to go to our own- not gonna miss out! so thats all cool...
he asked another girl who never heard of before and then told me about it like he was asking permission... but he already asked her so it wasn't like i could say no anyway.
i wouldn't've said no... but yeah, confusing. my friends r telling me i should b angry or telling him that he can't take this other girl.... but i dunno..... i don't think there's anything to worry bout but i don't get the way he went about doin things....
i dunno.... should i be mad? everyone else is! and i don't wanna b a doormat!
tell me if i'm naive.... thanks!

 

[Redgoddess]

mmm, personally i'd be a lil pissed that he hadnt consulted me about it beforehand, like before it was too late for me to actually make a legit decision that would affect whether he'd go with her or not... but that's just me, and i'm a lil on the jealous side so...

*shrugs* i doubt that it really means anything, i mean i went with a guy who had a g/f and there was nothing going on between the two of us, so really you probably dont have anything to worry about. but then i dont know him/you, how close you guys are, and what this other girl's like, so my opinions are formed based on minimal knowledge and mostly my own experience.

if it's not bothering you, then it probably isnt something ot worry about. dont get worked up just cos other ppl tell you to. all this means is that you and your b/f trust each other. on the other hand...if you hear rumours about activities at after parties... i'd definitely be suss. are you going to separate after parties?

 

[Testpilot]

my boyf's formals on the same nite as mine... we're both goin to go to our own- not gonna miss out! so thats all cool...
he asked another girl who never heard of before and then told me about it like he was asking permission... but he already asked her so it wasn't like i could say no anyway.
i wouldn't've said no... but yeah, confusing. my friends r telling me i should b angry or telling him that he can't take this other girl.... but i dunno..... i don't think there's anything to worry bout but i don't get the way he went about doin things....
i dunno.... should i be mad? everyone else is! and i don't wanna b a doormat!
tell me if i'm naive.... thanks!

Didn't you just start another thread complaining about how your BF lived so far away and had a life seperate from you. Because I am assuming that you were talking about your own situation (in quote below). Or was that just a random rant?

ok, another long distance thread but i've got a new spin on it....

you live pretty far away.... far enough so tha you hav completely different lives.... only met their friends a few times- not mutual friends..... no idea of how they spend their normal day besides wat they tell you... different places to hang out.... different lifestyles.... you're only really a part of their life via fone calls nd sms nd visits every now and then...

is it foolish to think there's love when so much of your lives are separate from each other??

i think spending time together is important... and i'm not talking "dates" every few weeks.... if they're a boyf/girlf then shouldn't there b more??

i get long distance... u tell each other everything, think about each other all the time, think that you love each other... is it enuf?

 

[sharnz06]

Didn't you just start another thread complaining about how your BF lived so far away and had a life seperate from you. Because I am assuming that you were talking about your own situation (in quote below). Or was that just a random rant?

haha, sorta.... he's goin far away for uni next year..... havin a rant nd a half! lol.

and yeah, after parties are separate too..... i trust him but i hate having other ppl mess with me! im more annoyed coz i wanted to take him to mine nd i can't
i dunno wat to think.... i was a bit pissed off but i kinda got over it- thought i was being irrational.... mayb i was? mayb i wasn't?

 

[glitterfairy]

why are other people "messing" with you? Take a deep breath. You're not thinking rationally, lol

Yes It's a little dodgy if he 'asked you for permission' if he'd already asked the girl, but if you trust each other and since you've already decided to go to your respective formals on the same night, it shouldn't be too much of an issue.

Only reasons for being legitimately angry/asking him to not go with the other girl is if he has a nasty habit of 'asking permission' for stuff he's already organised eg big night out with boys on same night as one you were supposed to go on a date together, if girl going to his formal is his ex-girlfriend who keeps trying to get back with him, etc etc...

 

[sharnz06]

why are other people "messing" with you? Take a deep breath. You're not thinking rationally, lol

Yes It's a little dodgy if he 'asked you for permission' if he'd already asked the girl, but if you trust each other and since you've already decided to go to your respective formals on the same night, it shouldn't be too much of an issue.

Only reasons for being legitimately angry/asking him to not go with the other girl is if he has a nasty habit of 'asking permission' for stuff he's already organised eg big night out with boys on same night as one you were supposed to go on a date together, if girl going to his formal is his ex-girlfriend who keeps trying to get back with him, etc etc...

they're messing with me coz it wasn't an issue til they told me it was! argh! na, i get your point! nd i'd never deny him a good nite jus coz was annoyed at him or jealous or i dunno wat u call it! lol. but yeah, i'm cool, jus a tad confused but i dun wanna bring it up coz that'll make it in to an even bigger issue when it never was one in the first place! gawd... boys are frustrating!

 

[glitterfairy]

if you want to talk more with him, then do it (better than brooding about it). If I was in your position I'd be like "yeah that's cool, she's a friend of yours right?" (just to make sure it wasn't some scary ex-girlfriend or something)

Remember that you've got a right to take a friend to your formal - he has the exact same right. You wouldn't want him to tell you not to go with a certain boy just because of the way he worded the 'hey I'm going to my formal with so-and-so', right?


and tell your friends that if you're ok with it, they can either do the same or shut up

 

[sharnz06]

too true... i'm taking a mate, so is he nd there shouldn't be a problem...
meh, over analysis! its jus a formal! gawsh!

 

[sja]

be FURIOUS

go and demand anal sex RIGHT NOW

 

[Cykologi_gal]

There's something you've got to do first: You've mentioned that she's someone whom you've never heard of...is she a friend of his? Have you been with him long enough to know most of his friends? Ask him whether she's just a pal...

I understand about the Formal thing - it's a grand night and there's romance in the air...to some people who've replied to this thread it might not seem to be a big deal "Gawsh"...but to others it is, it's where you get beautiful etc etc...Frankly I'm surprised that you're not angry, but then it might just be your open-mindedness...

I'd be pretty angry - I've had a few imaginary issues of trust with my bf, but I know that he would just go to his uni formal with his guy friends. I'm taking a different approach this time - I'm stepping back. Back in 2002 and 2003, whe I'd been a naive little girl of 14/15 with my first bf, I got angry and jealous at everything and eventually strangled my first serious love relationship.

I'm happy for you - that you're not angry...but yes I would be if I were you, yet we're all young and nothing's guaranteed, he can leave this relationship right now and so can you. I'd be angry at my bf if he had done this - kinda impossible 'cos he's chased me for 5 years and is not letting go =) - but I'd also swallow it and just watch him from an objective perspective - maybe he just doesn't want to go alone?! etc etc...

How's the trust between you two? Do you trust him enough? Or do you just not really care all that much if there is something going on?

There's no rule with emotions...but I'm kind of worried with the fact that he didn't consult you about it first...talk to him, ask why he didn't ask you first, if there is something going on etc...if he gets really annoyed, then you should probably have second thoughts about this relationship, because if he really does love you, he'll reassure you and say that it isn't a big deal with her at all etc etc...

I'm sure he has his reasons, ask him why if it's starting to bother you. Allow him freedom too, hold him firmly like you hold sand in your hand, but don't make a fist, or the sand will escape.

 

[loolee]

I had the same experience a month ago. Me and my bf are in yr 12, and he's formal is on the day before my last exam. It suck, I wanna go but I can't. He asked me that can he bring a partner instead of me (he said he really want me to go). Then we had a fight because of that. I know it was my fault, and I cant do anything about it. But it just feels so wrong if I let him to go with another girl. Coz ANYTHING just could happen. He said he really want me to trust him. And it has been so hard for me to decide. I talked to my mum about it and she gave me an advice. She didnt actually saying "break up" with him, but her point was like that and it's all up to me to decide. I was about to break up with him. But then he asked me "so what do you want me to do?" and I told him not to bring anyone (i know it's sooooo slack of me) and go by himself to formal, coz if I was him, I will not bring anyone eventhough I've already paid for 2......so yeh.....he finally won't bring anyone.........

 

[sharnz06]

hmmm... i couldn't ask him to go alone... i'd feel slack nd question myself as to why i'd ask him to fly solo.... i mean, i trust him! nd plus, how annoyed would u b if u were univited to a formal! lol. but if anything were to happen i'd hate ,yself for letting it happen nd him for finding a way to make it happen.

i dunno why its bothering me.... i was happy to go by myself until he asked her to go... i kinda thought that we would keep the nite for the ppl we had school with... a partners kinda someone spesh to share it with. i dunno if she is spesh or not but its kinda hard to deal with him not caring about my opinion on the topic.

i dunno if he cares about us enuf to want me to be there anymore.... i jus don't feel important- someone to fill in time before schoolies. *sigh*

 

[KeypadSDM]

For goodness sake, your lives are not this complicated. It's a formal. People need partners so they don't look stupid. Leave it at that.

And ffs, the HSC's around the corner. Leave him be.

 

[sharnz06]

far out.... for fucks sake.... its not like anythings goin on- im not askin him questions or being clingy im jus tryin to understand y evry1 else is so annoyed with it all.... tryin to figure out if i am or not.... nd partners aren't so u look stupid- real idiots take ppl they care nothing for then its an awkward nite... geez- go play in traffic!

 

[KeypadSDM]

a partners kinda someone spesh to share it with. i dunno if she is spesh or not but its kinda hard to deal with him not caring about my opinion on the topic.

Leave him be, she may not be special to him in that way. I never took a girl I was dating or interested in at the time. I always took someone I thought I'd have a good night with.

i dunno if he cares about us enuf to want me to be there anymore.... i jus don't feel important- someone to fill in time before schoolies. *sigh*

Leave him be, the HSC's around the corner. He can't be fulfilling your every womanly desire when his future is potentially on the line.

my friends r telling me i should b angry or telling him that he can't take this other girl....

Leave them be, they're crappy friends who want to interfere in your life because it's better than theirs.

geez- go play in traffic!

Leave me be, I'm more self-important than you.

 

[*Love-2-Hate-U*]

Leave him be, she may not be special to him in that way. I never took a girl I was dating or interested in at the time. I always took someone I thought I'd have a good night with.Leave him be, the HSC's around the corner. He can't be fulfilling your every womanly desire when his future is potentially on the line.Leave them be, they're crappy friends who want to interfere in your life because it's better than theirs.Leave me be, I'm more self-important than you.

hey there, you sxc beast

 

[glitterfairy]

eesh the possessiveness in this thread is freakin' scary :/



sharnz - in all honesty, I'd put down your friends' indignation to the fact the hsc is coming around REAL soon and everyone is really jumpy about the smallest things at the moment (in a "if it's not all clear, terminate it so it's not a problem during the hsc!" kind of way).

Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. If you can't trust your partner to be able to make decisions on their own (and for you to respect these decisions), and for them not to randomly hook up with people and not come back to you at all (this includes during schoolies), then there are issues. So basically - if your partner is a good person and isn't the type to screw you over, trust them and let them have a good night out

Of course there is always going to be that fear that when your boyfriend is around other girls, he might come across some blindingly hot chick who he ends up running away with. I'm sure most guys in a serious relationship or who have been in one will tell you that they won't do that. You have to trust them when they say stuff like this to you - yes it's hard at first, but the sooner you do it the better because then you can just enjoy the relationship without worrying about all the "what ifs"

 

[AsyLum]

my boyf's formals on the same nite as mine... we're both goin to go to our own- not gonna miss out! so thats all cool...
he asked another girl who never heard of before and then told me about it like he was asking permission... but he already asked her so it wasn't like i could say no anyway.
i wouldn't've said no... but yeah, confusing. my friends r telling me i should b angry or telling him that he can't take this other girl.... but i dunno..... i don't think there's anything to worry bout but i don't get the way he went about doin things....
i dunno.... should i be mad? everyone else is! and i don't wanna b a doormat!
tell me if i'm naive.... thanks!

To sum it up, your friends are douchebags who should mind their own goddamn business.

far out.... for fucks sake.... its not like anythings goin on- im not askin him questions or being clingy im jus tryin to understand y evry1 else is so annoyed with it all.... tryin to figure out if i am or not.... nd partners aren't so u look stupid- real idiots take ppl they care nothing for then its an awkward nite... geez- go play in traffic!

And you need to take a step back, take a deep breath and realise how much of a wench you're sounding like right now. Do you really think if he had intentions of doing something with the girl, he'd ask you?

Its quite simple really, a) you're insecure b) you don't trust him therefore the logical conclusion is that you fret over this nothingness and continue to do so, thereby wrecking your formal preparation, then get into a fight with him and show him how much you truly love him, (don't forget to question his allegiance to you, oh and make sure to show how much you distrust him) and then you can go to your formal alone, and he can hook up with the said girl as a rebound.

As was said before, over-analysing, get over it, the world is full of other women/guys, if you can't trust him with school mates, god help you when you get out to the real world.

 

[nwatts]

i didn't read any of this thread.

to the threadstarter: you lose at communication.

 

[flipsyde]

I don't see a problem with it. I mean yeah he should have asked you first, for sure. Unless this chick is a chick thats after him then you have nothing to worry about. If I were in that position, Id be cool with it (as long as I could trust him). I'd just be a little annoyed that I wasnt asked before he asked the other girl.

Seriously sweetie, theres nothing to worry about If you trust him. Then thats all that matters.