i share your perspective of marriage too, you can only really know for certain if the person is right by knowing them for a long time ... even then its a game of chance but it has managed too work for my mum and sister (their first married too, they waited a while)sparkl3z said:
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Sex Before Marriage (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter BradCube
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BradCube
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I can empathise with what you are saying, but I would say that it is my ideals that have kept me far happier in life.fake_mcdickpant said:
To expand on what you were saying, I think the difference for me is that I don't see the marriage as falling apart until it has got to the point that one partner is having affairs. However, as I have said before, I think even this can be worked through as long as the parnter can offer forgiveness and the guilty one is willing to change.
It is not substantial to argue that simply because feelings change you should file for divorce. Surely if you had feelings that strong to get into a marriage, you should be able to work out the problems in the relationship together? To throw something away that is worked for so hard simply because of lack of motivation to deal with problems is non-sensical to me.
While even ideals can fall apart, I would say that the people who's ideals are held in high regard are far more likely to suceed in their ideals because they have the motivation to uphold them.
BradCube
Active Member
Can I ask what you mean by this exactly?yy said:
Lundy
Banned
Your naivety is adorable.sparkl3z said:
Marriages can and do fall apart because people and situations change unforseeably over time. There's no point in desperately clinging onto a marriage that has proved unworkable, even when all avenues of reconciliation have been exhausted.
BradCube
Active Member
The logistics of how a relationship like this could ever work succesfully is beyond my comprehension. But you already know where I stand so there is no point in re-explaining myself.yy said:
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sparkl3z
Active Member
i know, but i'm going to try to make sure that a divorce will never become of my relationship, if it has to happen i know it will, but first by taking out the it has to happen bit, before it happens can save many marriages. Usually, in my family things are resolved, i have absolutely no cousins or people beside friends, that have gone through with a divorce, ever, i'm not intending to either, yes there are circumstances that may result in it, but usually i think people give up too quickly on the ones that they said they loved when getting married. i think divorces should only be looked to when there are no children, when either person cheats on one another or abuse suddenly occurs, but sometimes people are just stubborn towards eachother and divorce because of that reason, when they still love eachother, which is quite silly.Lundy said:
ur_inner_child
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i think that's fair enough. Although the only reason why I could disagree with you is not only the fact that this is in the future, but its as though you're not acknowledging the delicacy of a relationship. Sure it is strong, but we're people and we change, we have feelings, we sometimes say things we don't mean etc.sparkl3z said:
I'm not saying that you should get a divorce over name calling, but complex situations. Have you seen Crash? There is an african american couple, who are told by police to pull over. After much dialogue, the woman is "searched", where she is pretty much felt up by the policeman. She is highly traumatised of the event. She finds it hard to believe that her husband stood there watching while she got sexually abused. Complicatedly enough, what was her husband suppose to do? Cause even more trouble and start verbally abusing the policeman? Perhaps. At the heat of the event, he didnt, opted it was best to look over it and go home with a warning of some incredible kind. She approaches him, angry and upset. He gets upset over her logic.
Although it is not a reason for divorce, it is a highly delicate matter. If what you're\saying is that things such as this can be sorted out, well, I get the impression of passiveness, or submissiveness, where if you were the woman, you'd complain for a while, then "forget" about it. Put your dignity second, the nature of your relationship first.
I feel that there are certain situations that could happen where it may be uncontrollably unsolvable, without abuse/cheating/etc, where things like dignity, and general happiness gets in the way.
If you mean what I think you mean, then of course we'd try as hard as we can. I believe most couples DO REALLY try to keep it together, and not throw it away like you specified. I don't think anyone who truly love each other would NOT fight, and you being the outsider looking in, I'm not sure if you're the one to judge whether they tried hard enough or not.
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ur_inner_child
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oh, i acknowledge that of course, but there are certain cases where you can't, where the fact that he/she disagrees is a large attack on you and everything important to you.iambored said:
BradCube
Active Member
I have to question how it would be possible to be married to someone, who's views are so radically different that a disagreement would be an attack on you and everything of importance to you. How would it be possible for two people that different to fall in love and continue the relationship to the point of marriage?ur_inner_child said:
I can follow the logic in your comments about the police situation, but honestly to say that if it is able to be sorted out means the guy is passive, is something I cannot agress with. Even if the guy did not stand up for his wife the first time, could he not be forgiven by her and make sure to change his actions if a similar situation arose again? Surley a complex situation like this can be work through quite easily? Should something like this put a marriage in jeopardy?
I'm a little lost as to what you are saying here. Are you saying that in some situations "abuse/cheating/ect" is more likely to solve problems than dignity and happiness in a relationship? I'm completely lost as to how you would reach this conclusion. I cannot think of any examples in which this would be true and more productive for the relationship.ur_inner_child said:
Also on another note, in my opionion, if people really tried as hard as they could to keep a marriage together, I doubt we would have the divorce rate that is present in our society today. I think it is because divorce exists and so many people now choose that option that it encourgaes couples who are having problems to consider a divorce. Maybe I'm wrong but statistics that continue to rise would also seem to suggest this.
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No matter how hard you try, you can't 100% be sure, or control whether your husband/wife would cheat on you. What would happen then? Would you divorce or forgive (and hence never have sex with him again because he had sex with another)sparkl3z said:
I think what some people are saying is that you can't be sure of what's going to happen, so don't try to lock yourself into some sort of finality
sparkl3z
Active Member
yes, i see your point, but that's why people should have strict conditions on eachother, moresay, responsibilities. ofcourse i would not tolerate anything like that, and would get a divorce if it was inevitable, but i would not go and get married again (since sex is only in marriage, for me), after such a heartbreak from the person i love, and i would only live for myself then, focus completely on my career or child (if there was such an issue). different people do handle it differently, maybe can love again, but i can't, for me, love is only once or never, as with marriage.
Serius
Beyond Godlike
so... for all you girls saving sex for marriage, something i want to know
do you perform any sort of maintenance on your pubic hair? if you do is it only for your own bennefit?
would you consider doing something special like shaving the night before the wedding?
do you perform any sort of maintenance on your pubic hair? if you do is it only for your own bennefit?
would you consider doing something special like shaving the night before the wedding?
GoodToGo
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LOL. I somehow don't think they maintain shiny gineys...but I'll let them answer.
Quite frankly I'm shocked by the number of people waiting till marriage. It's just...unfathomable. You should give it a go...I'm sure you'll like it.
I also think sparkl3z is exaggerating the number of people that get divorced and are still supposedly meant to love each other. I've worked in family law and have never come across it - cos if they did they may separate but then get back together within the mandatory separation period. If you're getting a divorce, you're pretty serious about getting the feck away from your spouse. And if it's meant to end, it's meant to end. Why fight it?
Remember folks, no one completes you. You just find someone to share your completeness with.
Quite frankly I'm shocked by the number of people waiting till marriage. It's just...unfathomable. You should give it a go...I'm sure you'll like it.
I also think sparkl3z is exaggerating the number of people that get divorced and are still supposedly meant to love each other. I've worked in family law and have never come across it - cos if they did they may separate but then get back together within the mandatory separation period. If you're getting a divorce, you're pretty serious about getting the feck away from your spouse. And if it's meant to end, it's meant to end. Why fight it?
Remember folks, no one completes you. You just find someone to share your completeness with.
BradCube
Active Member
Your right, you can never be 100% sure, but I know that you can be pretty damn close to 100% sure. A huge level of trust exists in relationships exists that are functioning correctly. As well as that, if a relationship is functioning correctly, I would suggest that the chances of an affair occuring are extremely improbable.Minai said:
If however, an affair it did occur (for whatever reason), I would be trying to offer forgiveness as long as the other partner was willing to change. Trust would be lost and would take a phenomenal amount of time to catch up to its previous state - That is a consequence of something like this occuring. Just because the partner has commited adultery, does not mean sex cannot continue within the marriage. (Hence the previous discussion on virgin marrying non-virgin). If however they were divorced over it, then I personally would not be getting remarried to any other person. I give my heart to one and it stops there.
I fail to see how anyone expects a relationship to be capable of lasting a life time if they don't even see the finality of commitment behind a marriage. If you cannot see it as final, then what hope is there in keeping it final? Sure situations change, but that doesn't mean divorce should neccesarily be considered as an option. Having an attitude that thinks there is always a way out surely will increase the chances of you actually considering this way out in situations?Minai said:
It isn't a matter of finding sex pleasurable or not but rather seeing the benifits of waiting until marriage before giving yourslef away.GoodToGo said:
Why fight it? Because I don't believe it is meant to end. Emotions changing doesn't mean a divorce should be sought after. Personally, I think it is because of a lack of forgiveness that relationships ends up completely destroyed. Surely if they were willing to forgive each other for their wrongs they would have no problems in living with each other? Maybe I am underestimating how hard it is to forgive someone. But really, the amount of small grudges people seem to hold onto astounds me.GootToGo said:
A cannot agree with this simply on the basis of how many marriages I see working where each partner does complete the other. One's talents and abilities perfectly help the other in area's they may not be so capable in. Parallels similar to this can drawn to the differances between men and women. It is their differences, that make the other so attaractive and enable the couple to act in a way that complements and completes the other.GoodToGo said:
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erin_tonkin
Member
no i wouldnt. i realy want my 1st time on the wedding nite to be so special. and heres a though to ponder. what if ur husband / wife is worse than a previous partner? ur stuck with them maybe wishing u hadnt?? in my opinion i shall be having ignorant blissful sex
erin_tonkin
Member
one q for brad. are you christian? and doees this impact on ur desicion?
a question 4 everyone really
a question 4 everyone really
BradCube
Active Member
Yup, got it in one. So yes, it definatley does affect my decision. If I wasn't I don't think I would still be a virgin to be honest. Maybe I would, but I would be far more tempted to give my viginity away. The Bible has given me the motivation to live my life in a different way, not just because it says so, but because of the greater rewards that are presented because of it. If I was not a christian, I doubt that I would even consider the Bible's opinion simply because I couldn't be bothered - I wouldn't want to control myself when it could feel so good to do otherwise.erin_tonkin said:
Thankfully I am not in that position and I can see the benefits and greater reward in holding my virginity for my wife. So that is what I will be doing. I am so grateful that I was able to see the bible's logic before I had a chance to give my viginity away.