I work at Victoria's Basement (sort of like Peter's of Kensington but crazier) - which is enough said, really, but here goes anyway:
- When we say we don't giftwrap, don't look at the white paper we use to package breakables such and plates ad glasses and stuff and expect us to use it if your item is boxed. WE DO NOT GIFTWRAP. WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME, when there's 60 people in the queue!
- Speaking of the queue (which is separated into two), don't complain that one line moves faster than the other. We just call 'next' - it's upt o you guys to work out who's been waiting longer!
- In that vein, don't get pissed off if you just waltz up to the register expecting to be served and get told "sorry, we're serving from the queue". They've been waiting longer than you, bitches.
- YES, WE KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WAITING HALF AN HOUR, BUT IF YOU'D ALL BOUGHT YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS BEFORE XMAS EVE, WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS PROBLEM. As it is we only have four registers, and we have as many people working ehind the counters as can fit. What do you want us to do, conjure new room for registers out of thin air?
- NO, WE DO NOT TAKE US DOLLARS, FUCKERS.
- Don't shove your credit card in my face; and don't get pissed off if I ask "credit?", you say "no eftpos [you loser *rolleye*]" and I have to say "cheque or savings?" I'M NOT A FRAKKING MINDREADER
- Don't use a credit card to pay for stuff less than $10. It's SLOW.
- Don't ask me to take the price tags off your plates/mugs/unboxed breakables AFTER I've packaged them!
- So we only have the display item left and you want it. Doesn't mean we'll do you a discount - the thing is ALREADY half price! - just because it doesn't have a box! Greedy bastards.
- DON'T OPEN THE BOXES AND JUST LEAVE ALL THE STUFF SCATTERED - particularly things like gift sets. I returned to my painstakingly stacked chopping board section (and those wooden planks are bloody heavy) only to find someone had opened the Scanpan chopping board/mezzaluna set and nicked the mezzaluna. How the fuck are we supposed to sell the board now?
- We are constantly getting new stock in and reshuffling everything to get it to fit on the shelves. Don't complain if we don't know where something is - its not our fucking fault that management likes to inundate us with new stock when we barely have enough room to unpack it, let alone find somewhere to put it!
- If you see me stocking, balanced precariously on a stepladder while pricing rather heavy fry pans, I am not inclined to be overly helpful when you demand assistance and then ask me to help you with some linen - clear on the other side of the store! I work in KITCHENWARE, not fucking Mr. Tablecloth!
- Please check your boxes of glassware before you bring it to the counter, especially if you're buying half a million glasses. Saves a lot of time and frustration on our end and yours, especially if you have to go back and get another box because one glass doesn't meet your standards despite you only paying 2 fucking dollars for it.
- As a matter of policy I have to take knives - be they box sets or singletons - to the counter for you. Don't expect me to take the rest of your shit too.
- Oh, this happened yesterday. A customer wanted an el cheapo box set of knives, so I grabbed it off the floor to find one of the knives poking through the cardboard at the bottom. To make it safe for her and the checkout girls I opened the box and rearranged the knives so they wouldn't, you know, stab people through the flimsy box (and cutting my finger in the process). And the customer says, "What are you doing?" in a "WTF ARE YOU DOING OPENING MY BOX SET YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL?!" sort of tone. Well sorryy for not wanting you to be sliced like I was, making sure you wouldn't be. Christ!
- Don't mix and match, like a certain customer today who took a stainless steel lid off a Raco pot and put it on a Jamie Oliver fry pan and expected us to give her the lid for free. It doesn't work taht way.
- It's not our fault if we're out of stock of something.
The moral is - be nice and polite to me, and I will go above and beyond the call of duty for you, including carrying all your heavy shit to the counter so you can continue shopping, and dropping everything I'm doing to find something for you. Demand, be rude and otherwise unpleasant, and I'll just vaguely point you in the wrong direction.