RogueAcademic
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When it comes to choosing what kind of lawyer to be, the answer is “rich”.
Unfortunately, being rich is not as easy as it was in the bad old ’80s, when many law graduates were given a BMW right at the graduation ceremony.
Luckily, however, there are still plenty of opportunities to get rich in the law, as long as you are prepared to:
Personally, I would recommend living in the US. I don’t say this because lawyers are better paid in the US; it’s simply that if you are in the US, you might spill hot coffee on your hands, causing you to slip on a discarded Coke can and fall onto a footpath. In my opinion, this will allow you to sue the coffee shop, Coca-Cola/Amatil, the city council and any bystanders who laughed at you, probably for about three trillion dollars. Of course, this would be reduced on appeal to a mere several million, but this would still allow you to live well until you looked sideways at someone and got sued yourself.
Option (b) is of course not a serious option; no one makes money through the law via hard work. Take sole practitioners: they pour their heart and soul into their business, build it from the ground up over a period of 25 years, to the point where they can sell it for almost enough money to buy a hot-dog stand. I mean, heaps of people work hard in the law, it is just that other people make the money.
Option (c) is of course completely and totally rejected. We do not endorse any illegal activity, unless it involves the cruel and inhumane torture of the people who brought us Big Brother, in which case no court in the world would convict you.
But before you decide on the kind of solicitor you can be (apart from rich), you need to know the sort of solicitor you don’t want to be.
The first kind of solicitor you don’t want to be – apart from poor – is the kind that is not entitled to a private life.
I have a friend whose wife works for a firm with this kind of attitude, and as it stands at the moment, he is allowed to see her on designated holidays, religious festivals and wedding anniversaries; if they ever want to have kids, their only hope is that she gets sent to prison for some reason and he is allowed conjugal visits.
There are probably heaps of other kinds of solicitors you don’t want to be, but unfortunately I am one of them (the lazy kind) and I can’t be bothered thinking of any right this minute.
I will note, however, that it goes without saying that the worst kind of solicitor you could be is the kind that makes fun of other solicitors just so he can have a column in the LIJ.
Anyway, that is enough valuable advice for this time; I will go through the kinds of solicitor you can be next time, barring the unlikely event that I come up with a better idea.
SHANE BUDDEN is a legal officer with the Queensland Building Services Authority. This column first appeared in the Queensland journal Proctor.
(2006) 80(10) LIJ, p. 86
Unfortunately, being rich is not as easy as it was in the bad old ’80s, when many law graduates were given a BMW right at the graduation ceremony.
Luckily, however, there are still plenty of opportunities to get rich in the law, as long as you are prepared to:
(a) live in the US;
(b) work really hard, put your nose to the grindstone and keep near-suicidal hours; or
(c) involve yourself in activities that are not, technically, legal.
(b) work really hard, put your nose to the grindstone and keep near-suicidal hours; or
(c) involve yourself in activities that are not, technically, legal.
Personally, I would recommend living in the US. I don’t say this because lawyers are better paid in the US; it’s simply that if you are in the US, you might spill hot coffee on your hands, causing you to slip on a discarded Coke can and fall onto a footpath. In my opinion, this will allow you to sue the coffee shop, Coca-Cola/Amatil, the city council and any bystanders who laughed at you, probably for about three trillion dollars. Of course, this would be reduced on appeal to a mere several million, but this would still allow you to live well until you looked sideways at someone and got sued yourself.
Option (b) is of course not a serious option; no one makes money through the law via hard work. Take sole practitioners: they pour their heart and soul into their business, build it from the ground up over a period of 25 years, to the point where they can sell it for almost enough money to buy a hot-dog stand. I mean, heaps of people work hard in the law, it is just that other people make the money.
Option (c) is of course completely and totally rejected. We do not endorse any illegal activity, unless it involves the cruel and inhumane torture of the people who brought us Big Brother, in which case no court in the world would convict you.
But before you decide on the kind of solicitor you can be (apart from rich), you need to know the sort of solicitor you don’t want to be.
The first kind of solicitor you don’t want to be – apart from poor – is the kind that is not entitled to a private life.
I have a friend whose wife works for a firm with this kind of attitude, and as it stands at the moment, he is allowed to see her on designated holidays, religious festivals and wedding anniversaries; if they ever want to have kids, their only hope is that she gets sent to prison for some reason and he is allowed conjugal visits.
There are probably heaps of other kinds of solicitors you don’t want to be, but unfortunately I am one of them (the lazy kind) and I can’t be bothered thinking of any right this minute.
I will note, however, that it goes without saying that the worst kind of solicitor you could be is the kind that makes fun of other solicitors just so he can have a column in the LIJ.
Anyway, that is enough valuable advice for this time; I will go through the kinds of solicitor you can be next time, barring the unlikely event that I come up with a better idea.
SHANE BUDDEN is a legal officer with the Queensland Building Services Authority. This column first appeared in the Queensland journal Proctor.
(2006) 80(10) LIJ, p. 86
