Ntb, im not opposed or afraid of criticism, but your deconstruction of my post goes along way to revealing a lot about you. For your info, of course my testimony isnt going to mean squat to you for the simple fact that, this being an internet forum and all, you know nothing about me to merit what my life has become.
Also, the criticising I have a problem with, is that of judgemental Christians, those whom judge others Christians on nothing but presumptions and false understandings, going against everything I stand for. Its quite a precise criticism I was referring to.
I didnt exactly understand what purpose the comment you made (in reference to my first church experience and what resulted) served, although I can gather from the overall tone of your post what it was implying. Im not going to try and further explain that night, or indeed other days since then, but all I can say is the only way you have any chance of understanding what I felt, what every other Christian experiences, is by going to church yourself, and by giving up on the negative and skeptical views which you hold towards Christianity and the church. Hence it cant be put into words ('good time' and 'weird feeling' I believe are somewhat understatements.)
What I was putting across was that a lot of young people today that ive spoken with feel like they cant express themselves, that nobody listens or has the time for them, so some resort to closing themselves in in an attempt to protect themselves from getting hurt. All im saying is that its a false way of living, and it doesnt have to be that way. There is someone that does care, and there are no conditions.
If you're not in that situation, congratulations to you, thats awesome to hear. Though, have you ever thought that what I was saying might be intended for others out there who dont have the life you have.
And yeah NTB, I do fear God. But its a different fear from that of fearing loneliness, or failure, or other fears which many people foster whilst living out their lifes.
