just a couple of questions... (1 Viewer)

[bernz]

...and decide if you want to take the next step.

That's the problem, J-mz... She can't, coz she's so unsure of everything... However, you are right in that she shouldn't be over-analysing.

It's like this: thinking is bad, it only makes things appear worse (and worse, and worse... you get the point) the more you think. Like Airness says, do what feels right.

That in mind, I did what felt right with my best male friend who was friends with me for (at that point) more than half of my life. It wen't horribly wrong. Not trying to scare you, just make sure he possesses good qualities (i.e. make sure he's good boyfriend material as well as good friend material, not only the latter.)

 

[Dreamerish*~]

some people are never meant to be anything more than friends.

 

[Alimoe_KG]

That in mind, I did what felt right with my best male friend who was friends with me for (at that point) more than half of my life. It wen't horribly wrong. Not trying to scare you, just make sure he possesses good qualities (i.e. make sure he's good boyfriend material as well as good friend material, not only the latter.)

I'm sorry to hear that. Did you end up staying as friends?

The good friends never leave. Even if you want them to.

 

[bernz]

The good friends never leave. Even if you want them to.

Haha, i have a feeling he wants me to leave... I tried talking to him but he just kept giving one word answers so yeah... He never talks to me anymore, but i'm still here... So are we still friends? I'm not entirely sure... I know I'd like to be...

 

[Alimoe_KG]

Guys are idiots.
Kick him in the nuts, grab his hair and yell: "look at me when i'm talking to you bitch!"

....maybe not =/

 

[braad]

oh, i love one worded answers...they're so insightful and helpful

 

[Dreamerish*~]

Haha, i have a feeling he wants me to leave... I tried talking to him but he just kept giving one word answers so yeah... He never talks to me anymore, but i'm still here... So are we still friends? I'm not entirely sure... I know I'd like to be...

e-kick him in the balls.

if you get the chance to, then actually kick him in the balls.

one word answers over the net are among the most annoying things that are known to exist.

 

[bernz]

haha, thanks for the offer, but nah, it happened way too long ago... We were together end of yr 9 beginning of yr 10... And the stoppage of talking was last year sometime. He knows i'm here for him if he needs it and i'm getting by okay...

 

[braad]

one word answers over the net are among the most annoying things that are known to exist.

yeh .

 

[Dreamerish*~]

yeh .

you idiot.

i take back my rep.

 

[braad]

you idiot.

i take back my rep.

it's ok, i know you were asking for it. and i know how fucking annoying it is...people from here dont understand the deal of saying "yeh", "LOL" or "hmm" for every answer. sad if you ask me, and like said, gives the impression you're not wanted

so i delete them (just ask some bosers)

 

[Arvin Sloane]

Just kill him, and stuff him with foam. That way, come winter he can be used as a floation device.

 

[stella8h8chang]

some general principles:

1. bf <----------<close friend type A>----------<friend>----------<close friend B>-----------> brother

where does he fit, and is there chance of movement along the curve?

2. teenage relationships (LoL i love that word - considering this is my last teenage year) have an implied term of termination. he should well know that (unless of course, he's naivenaivenaive, in which case i feel sorry for the poor bastard if you let him fall).

3. your parents (from your previous posts) are overcontrolling maniacs who want to make you into their clone (no offence - i tell it like it is). do you reckon they'll let you have a relationship at age 16?

1. This is difficult...because it does change a lot, because for the greater part of my life he's been very close to the right, and now he's suddenly shifted to the left. I blame the hormones which appeared mid-teens.

2. He is naivenaivenaivenaivenaive. help! and so am I...which makes it twice as awkward.

3. Freaking hell, no. Of course they wouldn't let me. But it's a rather nice adrenaline rush that makes me think that I'm normal The parents are planning to get me into an arranged marriage, like "introduce me" to some nice boys after medical school finishes. But I don't know whether it's worth it or not to go behind their backs...**shrugs** might try breaking it off due to this...


And yes, what someone else said, my idea of experimentation is actually holding hands, laugh at it or not. Never tried yet but I reckon it's coming soon. I figured since I'm in my late teens it's normal behaviour so the majority of society shouldn't be shocked.

One more thing, bernz, I hope everything goes OK.

 

[AsyLum]

1. Things get messy, and things will NOT go back to the way they were. Keep that in mind, its very important to realise that once you do something, the things you may or may not do within a relationship will totally change both of your outlooks on each other. It might be awkward or worse.

2. If you're already planning on the end, I think that the relationship isnt really going to last longer than when both of you get bored and tired of each other, which could be anything from a few days to months.

3. I've never got the concept of going behind parent's backs. I mean a relationship is about making it known that you and another are mutually in a relationship out of 'love' (call me a cynic) why is there a need to hide it? If it's because of the parents, how hard is it to sit down and talk to them, and if needs be wait and go through it for the long haul. If you're into it for a quick fling, then i can understand, but bleh.

4. Go slow if thats how you feel. To me, overt signs of physical acts are a sign of constant showboating and social re-affirmation. I've known the best of couples who would be close and hold hands in public but keep the intimate and private stuff within the enclosed area.

 

[Frigid]

i'm not sure if you wanted me to answer any more questions.

in my sincere opinion, do whatever the fuck you feel like, laissez-faire.

 

[grk_styl]

1. Is getting involved with a childhood friend (one who you have known for 8+ years) ludicrously messy?

Yes and No. You're right when you say that getting involved with someone you've known is great, coz it is! You already know you feel comfortable with this guy, and being comfortable is high on the priority list. However, it can get messy, especially if your families are good friends. It's hard if you guys decide to go your separate ways, but you can't exactly coz your parents are making you see him.

2. Is it stupid/strange to try and set down "terms" of a relationship before you get yourself involved?

Not necessarily. Coz your terms could be something like, "i dont wanna get serious" or "i wanna go slow"....the latter is a good 'term' to set down before you get involved in a relationship. Some terms can be cynical and negative however, and you don't wanna be negative going into a relationship, coz wat's the point then?

3. What if the both of you are going behind your parents' backs?

lol I did this. It's not all that bad. If you think you can get away with it, go for it. However, if you have a mother like mine, she will find out. lol I'm 99% sure my mum knew about the relationship I was hiding, but I think she also knew it would end soon, so she wasn't too fussed. Coz u guys are such good friends, you will have an excuse to see each other neway, so it is possible to hide it from your folks.

it's tiring tho. and it's REALLY hard! and both of you have to be willing to put in the effort. it cant be half-arsed

4. Physicality in a relationship. Some friends have said it's a necessity, others think that having too much of it turns a relationship into lust.

i think its a necessity. if you can't be intimate with your boyfriend (ie. kissing, holding hands, hugging, even sex when ur ready), then aren't you guys just friends? Doesn't him being your "boyfriend" mean that you're intimately connected and that you like each other on a deeper level? Well that's my interpretation of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. And I don't think there's ever such thing as "too much physicality"

 

[50Cent]

yes a relationship can turn into lust if it happens on a regular basis rather than seeing the person and just chatting.

 

[snickerdoodle]

If there's no physical attraction, wouldn't it be better to remain just friends? Why complicate the great relationship you have now? IMO, a bf/gf relationship is about the friendship and the physicality. Perhaps you should hold out until you find a guy that you have both with?

Then again, just because the physical stuff doesn't click in your mind, doesn't mean it won't work in RL. You might be suprised. The way you explained this guy, I'd be weary though - sorting out the rules at the beginning seems like a good idea, because the obsessive/family friend aspect may cause problems.

There's a 99% chance your parents will find out. My mother found out about the guy I'm dating in about .002 seconds (thanks mostly to the members of the Cypriot community who saw me hanging out with him). Sydney's a big city and it's when you try to hide things that you can be sure you'll see someone you know, or your parents know. You'd be better of saying "I'm hanging out with so-and-so today", and keeping the hand holding and kissing discreet .

Good Luck with whatever you chose to do. Sounds cliche but think with your heart, not your head!

 

[jumb]

think with your heart, not your head!

It should be the other way around. The problem here is that she isn't thinking logically.

 

[snickerdoodle]

It should be the other way around. The problem here is that she isn't thinking logically.

I think she's over-analysing. Anymore thought and she'll go nuts.