journey story help! (1 Viewer)

[c.mcfisticuffs]

Hey everyone - my first post! I know this is leaving things stupidly late, but i was looking for some feedback on my creative writing idea for journeys paper 1 and my friend said this was a good place to get it.

Any feedback would be marvellous, if anyone's got time.

Thanx,


Derrick

 

[zedzed]

haha i feel a sense of deja vu. sliding doors, hmm?

this is the best out of all the stories i've read that have been posted up on this forum. some parts are a kinda long-winded but whatever, it's fine. i guess the ending is a little abrupt as well. i know what you're trying to say but you're not spelling it out for the examiner.

 

[Mrs.McDreamy]

I think its good. At the start it's like stream of consciousness. not many people write in it because they don't know how to well, an advantage to you. I agree with everything the person above me said lol. Descriptions are good.

Also it's a bit narrow? Not easy to appropriate according to whatever stimulus we get

 

[c.mcfisticuffs]

thanx you guys - yeh, i've gone through a few versions and tried to make it more succint so i'll see where else i can do that. I'm glad you dont mind the idea, so i'll just polish it up and familiarise myself with it as best as i can.

and i guess linking it to the stimulus will have to come down to luck for me - if its appropriate then great... if its not, then let's hope the examiner hate making tenuous links between what i wrote and what i should have....


really - thanks so much for your feedback; just wat i needed!

 

[berra]

Hey everyone - my first post! I know this is leaving things stupidly late, but i was looking for some feedback on my creative writing idea for journeys paper 1 and my friend said this was a good place to get it.

Any feedback would be marvellous, if anyone's got time.

Thanx,


Derrick

i like the outcome, the transformation, and understanding. but, u really need to focus on your structure. like its all over the place. make it more specific. also, you should put in some more sophistication, the body is okay, but u shud make it a little bit more clear... like at the end, u have to REALISE what happened, which should be the reason why you decided to talk to the girl. get me?
i'm sure if you make these adjustments, u'll be in a top band. but dnt forget, its not only a monologue/short story that'll be asked. be prepared for all text types.

Good luck to you and everyone else

 

[c.mcfisticuffs]

thanx berra - that's really useful n i see what you mean. I'll clarify those parts up a bit more and see how it goes.


best of luck to you too!