is this standard? (1 Viewer)

[mewmewchewchew]

Hi,
I'm a 19 yo(male) live in aus. I have had 17 yo friend(female) over the last few years who lives overseas, and over the past couple of years we have become steadily closer to the point where we're best friends, and talk everyday we are available to eachother about anything and everything. We see eachother maybe once or twice a year but generally haven't gotten alone time til recently. She's totally in love with me, and I _think_ i love her...

Anyhow, recently i got to spend like 2 straight weeks with her overseas, where we snuck around behind backs and did everything except sex, which surprised me b/c shes pretty conservative , sex before marriage type.

k now that i got the history out of the way, the point is is it standard for me to not want a committing relationship with this girl? I have forced the point that we aren't officially dating, but she doesn't like this at all (though still made the above concessions). thing is for a start I dont feel ready to have a relationship with someone that i only see a couple times a year, Still has 2 or more yrs of education, and ultimately with someone that if i start a relationship with I think I'll be committed forever (lol cliche i know)

Also I don't know if she wants to have sex b4 marriage, and I've never even had a girlfriend before- I think its sorta normal to want to try out different partners before I finally settle down with someone I truly love/may wanna spend rest of life with(?). Obviously she will not concur with this

also i am aware im pretty gay

appreciate anyones thoughts, if someone decides to not flame

cliffntes: prob love girl, loves me, dont want committing relationship yet, want other partners b4 settling, standard?

 

[hiphophooray123]

ur pretty gay

 

[Riet]

You're unhappy with the riches because you're piss poor morally.

 

[big8oyjames]

ur pretty gay

this

 

[scaredytiger]

youre pretty.

 

[settle*precious]

lolthread.

I can understand the wanting more partners before marriage type thing though.

" also i am aware im pretty gay " I loled IRL.

 

[ObjectsInSpace]

She's totally in love with me, and I _think_ i love her...

Nope, guess again! This is what we call confusing lust for love. Or longing for love. But eithr way, it's not love.

Anyhow, recently i got to spend like 2 straight weeks with her overseas, where we snuck around behind backs and did everything except sex, which surprised me b/c shes pretty conservative , sex before marriage type.

How did it surprise you that you didn't sleep with her when she's the kind who wants to wait until marriage?

cliffntes: prob love girl, loves me, dont want committing relationship yet, want other partners b4 settling, standard?

Um, are you intending to propose to her or something here? If not, why is that even an issue?

 

[kokodamonkey]

only photos will settle this.

 

[gibbo153]

mewmewchewtroll

 

[mewmewchewchew]

Nope, guess again! This is what we call confusing lust for love. Or longing for love. But eithr way, it's not love.

How did it surprise you that you didn't sleep with her when she's the kind who wants to wait until marriage?
-- as in surprised me that she kissed me open mouthed, not the other end of the spectrum

Um, are you intending to propose to her or something here? If not, why is that even an issue?

Because I don't want to have a long term relationship with someone that
a. im not gonna see that often , at least for a long time
b. i'll have trouble letting go of- but at the same time i wanna experience diff partners

pretty much repeating wat i said in OP

 

[chamelia]

You don't love someone if you don't want to be with them. lol

But anyway, just cut it off right now. You are not happy. If she is a conservative no sex before marriage type then you won't ever be happy til your married. And she obviously is just going to get hurt by you stringing her along.

Don't do it.

 

[Lukybear]

Marry her??

 

[bluemoon2]

I _think_ i love her...

also i am aware im pretty gay

so .. were u using gay in a different meaning?

and is a first relationship for a guy, meant to be doomed? bcos i like a guy but he hasnt had a gf before either.. and i would prefer it to be the type that lasts :S

 

[VanDAmme]

why must i be abused by having to hear about people like this

and is a first relationship for a guy, meant to be doomed? bcos i like a guy but he hasnt had a gf before either.. and i would prefer it to be the type that lasts :S

nah its not. i know plenty of people who stayed with their first partner.

my godparents actually started going out in year 6, and now are married with children.

but thats an extreme case.

the only thing that will make it not last is you thinking 'uh oh this is so not gonna last cos its his first relationship'.

just man up and don't think about it and you'll be hella fine

 

[bluemoon2]

why must i be abused by having to hear about people like this



nah its not. i know plenty of people who stayed with their first partner.

my godparents actually started going out in year 6, and now are married with children.

but thats an extreme case.

the only thing that will make it not last is you thinking 'uh oh this is so not gonna last cos its his first relationship'.

just man up and don't think about it and you'll be hella fine

oh that was the nicest post ive ever read on this site

 

[VanDAmme]

oh that was the nicest post ive ever read on this site

hmm yeah i was pretty sickened by myself saying that. but yeah, its just a placebo effect really. there is no actual reason that a first relationship can't last, only one's expectation that it 'must be true' and then their unnecessary worrying about it causes it not to last.

 

[Sarah182]

Nope, guess again! This is what we call confusing lust for love. Or longing for love. But eithr way, it's not love.

Agreed. There is a big difference buddy.
If you loved her you would be willing to do anything to make a relationship work, not want to have sex with a ton of chicks before settling down with a no sex before marriage girl.

 

[kevinx2]

Nope, it's advanced.