is it true? (1 Viewer)

[alby]

how do you tell if you are really in love with your partner or if it's just your heart and brain wanting to feel the same thing?

sometimes i think i really love him and want to stay with him as long as i can, then other days i think about us and wonder if what my heart's saying is just bs or not. when i'm with him i have an awesome time, he really makes me feel loved....but being apart makes me step back and look at the relationship in maybe a bit too much detail.

my questions to you all: how do you tell what's real, and how do you stop yourself from thinking about your doubts so much

 

[ur_inner_child]

as harsh as it sounds

don't look into it

go with the flow

you're young

you're loved

life is good.

 

[AsyLum]

Love manifests itself in many ways, personally i dont think many of us will find love until we're a tad older, i think we're still trying to formulate who we are, and look for that somebody.

 

[...]

well

one method is to experience the exact opposite
what i mean is, if you want to know whether you truly love him/her, being in a situation where you are on the other end of the spectrum will clearly define what you love/like/crush

it happened to me, my grandfather passed away in front of me last yr, i held his hand, it was bare cold, there was no warmth. At the moment, thousands of things went through my mind. It was then i knew who i loved, etc..

probably not the best way to decide, but i'm just speaking from experience

 

[D_A]

how do you tell if you are really in love with your partner or if it's just your heart and brain wanting to feel the same thing?

sometimes i think i really love him and want to stay with him as long as i can, then other days i think about us and wonder if what my heart's saying is just bs or not. when i'm with him i have an awesome time, he really makes me feel loved....but being apart makes me step back and look at the relationship in maybe a bit too much detail.

my questions to you all: how do you tell what's real, and how do you stop yourself from thinking about your doubts so much

Not being pessimistic, but the concept of 'True Love' thats been pushed thru generations prior to us is full of shit. You can suddenly have a surge in the level of 'love' you have for someone, and I guess thats the 'true love' part. You put this 'true love' thing through X amount of time and you'll start to doubt the love you have for a person because you're comparing to the love you had for him when you were in the 'true love' stage.

So uh yea, just go with what you think is right. If you like him and he likes you, stay together. Too much worrying is bad, you'll end up getting all paranoid and pick on the little things...and it all ends up screwing the relationship up.

When there's no love or a severe lack of, you -will- notice, and maybe then you should start thinking about the future of your relationship =p

 

[alby]

sorry about the long post...easier than double (or more) posting

as harsh as it sounds

don't look into it

go with the flow

you're young

you're loved

life is good.

cute and very true , not harsh at all. i'd love to just not worry about anything, but as it stands my mind has a habbit of concentrating on little things and then blowing them up into massive things.....which has really bad concequences (as i've learnt).

She's trying to be deep, let her be.

i may sound like i'm trying to be deep, but i wasnt really..i was just trying to make people tell me to tell my mind to shut the hell up and not worry about anything - as innie said, i'm young and loved, life is (VERY) good..i just have to concentrate on the good stuff.

personally i dont think many of us will find love until we're a tad older, i think we're still trying to formulate who we are, and look for that somebody

i agree with still trying to formulate (you're such a nerd ) who we are...but doesnt looking for somebody include (some form of) finding love? (imo) most people are looking for a partner to love and have that love requitted..unless, of course, the just want a fuck, but that's a different story.....

probably not the best way to decide, but i'm just speaking from experience

i know what you mean, you lose (and/or realise you're about to lose) someone you're really close to and you realise that you really love them and dont want to lose them, you realise all the stuff great you've know about them/felt for them usually when it's a bit too late. i had a similar thing when my grandmother died a couple of years back - i regretted that i didnt have much time with her and that i'd taken her for granted a bit. the hardest bit is realising this too late, cant go back and change it, cant tell them that you really love them. its really sweet to think about it (and something very deep that i wouldnt expect to hear from you), but love for family is a bit different to love for a partner, which's what i was talking about.
as for your other end of the spectrum thing....you saying you need a relationship where you dont know why you got in it (for one reason or another) to understand/be able to know what you'd call love/crush/like?

DA: true love is definite, love in itself can be held for different people at different times and in different ways (partners, family, friends, etc). the love i have for my bf isnt true love, i dont know what true love is, but i know it takes more than 6 months to develop - true love to me is what the cute old couples have, that spark that's kept them together and happy for so long.

worring sucks big time, i know that for a fact. and i know what it feels like when there's no/little love, i'm positive that's not happening here - we have something, i just wasnt too sure what exactly.

thanks guys *hugs* i've talked to him since i started the thread and i've been reassured that he feels the same way as me. i guess i just needed someone to tell me that everything's ok

 

[Genesys]

We all need reassurance sometimes...and it's awesome that you can speak to him openly about it.

 

[alby]

well its the truth...and why get embarrassed about something like this? it's something that most people go through in 1 way or another. i'm just glad that i dont have to worry about it anymore. last night i just wanted someone to tell me not to worry and to tell me that everything will be ok, i got that from these people and from my boyfriend. its times like those that you're really greatful for the relationships and support you have

 

[alby]

the not know if its real or not bit or the why get embarrassed bit

 

[alby]

thank god someone knows what i was thinking! i've had that feeling before (couple of weeks back)...its really hard not knowing, you feel like your brain wants to feel one thing but you dont know if you actually feel it or not (bad description, but you know what i mean).

last night i just wanted to actually be there talking to him and just hug him, i wanted to be in his arms so i knew that everything was ok. but i guess i didnt need that, he told me everything i needed to know, and i believe him when he said that he does feel the same as me - why lie over something like that when you've been going out for just under 6 months and your girlfriend's pretty upset over it? i trust him

 

[alby]

yeah manda's in love the pic's from when we went up to port stevens with his family (anzac day long weekend) we took more last weekend in sydney, i'll probably be getting them this arvo excited manda

egh...all the questions, i hate them! the 'is it love' and 'do i really know what love is' are the worst imo. i've had the 'am i doing the right thing' a number of times, and then comes the 'why the hell was/am i in the relationship anyway' (stupid stupid stupid ex ) in which case you just wanna kick someone and run

being able/allowing yourself to go with the flow is the best feeling ever. no worries, no hassles, no little voice in your head making you question everything...everything's sweet, you're happy, and you can smile your head off if you please

 

[iambored]

edit

 

[Dreamerish*~]

There isn't a clear line that you can cross to be in love. Therefore you are in love whenever you feel like it.

Love means something different to everyone, so what you feel is love might not be the real thing to the next person. Some people fall in love easily. That just means they believe they are in love during early stages of a relationship. If you believe it, you're in it.

I don't think I'm in love until we're inseparable, 100% comfortable around each other and need each other all the time. So right now, I am in love. I can look back on previous relationships where I thought I was in love and think "wtf, that was so not it", but at the time, it felt real - so it was real.

 

[Dreamerish*~]

My boyfriend and I fight over the smallest, silliest things. But we get over it as quickly as it started.

Every time after we argue about something we make up and say "let's never fight again!" and then a couple of hours later...

We never have serious relationship-threatening fights though. Overall we've been together for about 2 years, and annoyingly naive we may be, we totally expect to spend the rest of our lives with each other.

 

[AsyLum]

Exposing yourself, and the ability to be at your most vulnerable is a sign of trust, but the reciprocity of that i think is when love kicks in.

 

[alby]

dreamy: that's really cute as long as you're having fun together, the bickering doesnt mean crap all
mike: so when you both can expose yourself to your partner and fully trust them you're in love?

 

[AsyLum]

I think so, love in some form, rather than the definitive "love." Again love would vary from person to person and from relationship to relationship, but the ability to have a reciprocal relationship whereby the two of you can get to that stage of 'harmony' (oh how cliche)

(by expose i don't mean physical sekz stuff I mean, make yourself vulnerable, as in the breaking down of doubts and apprehensions.)

 

[alby]

yeah, i get what you mean. being able to share anything with your partner and trust them (and having this reciprocated) are pretty darn important to a successful relationship imo.

i knew what you meant with the exposing thing, dont worry. exposing yourself to me isnt anything to do with pornos i think it's basically being comfortable enough with them to be able tell them anything (your deepest secrets, regrets, wishes, etc) and trusting that they wont hold it against you or tell others if you dont want them to.

breaking down doubts and apprehensions means what? just being able to tell them about any you have and being able to work through them?

 

[withoutaface]

Love does not exist. Everyone merely defines an arbitary point in their passion for others and defines this as 'love'.

 

[ogmzergrush]

I liked the bit where mike started talking about exposing himself.