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Feedback for Proposal- please help me! (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Phatphil
- Start date
glycerine
so don't even ask me
"The concept which I will be basing my story upon is Immigration a physical and inner journey embarked upon by the thousands of Cambodian and Vietnamese refugees, as they endured painful and torturous conditions, and overcame deadly obstacles enroute to their promised lands. "
change to:
"I will be basing my story upon the concept Immigration; in specific the physical and inner journeys embarked upon by thousands of Cambodian and Vietnamese refugees, as they endured painful and torturous conditions, and overcame deadly obstacles enroute to their promised lands. "
and,
"
Other language devices that will be used in the story include poetic language (metaphors, similes, imagery and symbolism), intertextuality and allusions. "
move that up to the paragraph above and change it to "I will use other language devices in order to explore the themes I aim to explore, such as... etc", that way it flows better.
and: "For this Major Work, research will need to be conducted to find exact dates of events, and unearth any details which I may have missed, to make the Major Work seem as realistic as possible"
change to "I will need to conduct extensive research to... etc..., in order to ensure a strong sense of realism within my Major Work"
other than that it's fine : )
i hope you're still around! good luck in any case!
change to:
"I will be basing my story upon the concept Immigration; in specific the physical and inner journeys embarked upon by thousands of Cambodian and Vietnamese refugees, as they endured painful and torturous conditions, and overcame deadly obstacles enroute to their promised lands. "
and,
"
Other language devices that will be used in the story include poetic language (metaphors, similes, imagery and symbolism), intertextuality and allusions. "
move that up to the paragraph above and change it to "I will use other language devices in order to explore the themes I aim to explore, such as... etc", that way it flows better.
and: "For this Major Work, research will need to be conducted to find exact dates of events, and unearth any details which I may have missed, to make the Major Work seem as realistic as possible"
change to "I will need to conduct extensive research to... etc..., in order to ensure a strong sense of realism within my Major Work"
other than that it's fine : )
i hope you're still around! good luck in any case!
my sharona
mrs
whats the hurry? i dont get it
half the people spend like 10 yrs in uni changing courses becoz they didnt have enough time to think abt it, or their parents forced sum stupid course on them; watching their HECS skyrocket and the big black malignant tumour on their leg grow...
dont mind me, im just stupid...
btw wat school do you goto? issit private?
half the people spend like 10 yrs in uni changing courses becoz they didnt have enough time to think abt it, or their parents forced sum stupid course on them; watching their HECS skyrocket and the big black malignant tumour on their leg grow...
dont mind me, im just stupid...
btw wat school do you goto? issit private?