Editing Help (1 Viewer)

[veridis]

Well I've got my almost final draft done on time, got a week and a half till its due in, but am wwaaayyyy over word limit. Even with sir giving us leeway up to 2800 its not looking good. So i call upon you good BoS'ers to be brutal and tell me what i should change.
Any other criticisms/comments are welcome as well
keep in mind that the intro will have some bits cut out to go into the synopsis so I can free up some words there already.

 

[gordo]

interesting read (well i didn;t read all of it)

i fail to see how it demonstrates your understanding of how history operates though?

make your thesis more defined so we can see what point you are trying to represent with the rest of the essay

 

[Demandred]

Minor note, shouldn't quotes be in itlalics? All footnotes should have a full stop in the end. I reckon its good.

 

[scarybunny]

excuse me... WHERE are my semi-colons and commas?
i put dozens of the little suckers in there...
so offended that you took them out. *tear

 

[suger_plum]

that was a really good essay, i agree with the others though your footnote need work. however, the actual thing is really good. how many words is it? alot of kids in my class actually went over the word count and werent penalised.

 

[moffat]

aww..u hav the same problem as me..damn editing. i just finished my draft and i'm under the limit- mine's around 2300 words..i hope i demonstrated my understanding of how history operates..

 

[xeuyrawp]

i fail to see how it demonstrates your understanding of how history operates though?

1. Yes, I totally agree. It's just telling a story.

,inor note, shouldn't quotes be in itlalics? All footnotes should have a full stop in the end. I reckon its good.

2. It's a "quotation" (not "quote", hunny, you should know that if you're doing Ext History...) is longer than or equal to three lines, you indent the entire block, take out the quotation marks, and reduce its line spacing. Like so (attachment)

3. You DON'T indent when you're typing. You only indent when you're writing (like attachment).

4. You DON'T ever underline on a computer. You do in English, because they're setting you up for the exam. Underlining is what you do instead of ITALICISING when you can't italicise (ie, you're hand-writing, or on a typwriter.)

5. Your referencing is shit.

First instance:

D Christian, Maps of Time: An introduction to Big History, (Berkley; University of California Press, 2004), p.2.

You can omit the place (Berkley), and just leave it

... (University of California Press, 2004)...

Second instance: You just do Ibid, or whatever takes your fancy. I don't use latin abbreviations, I abbreviate the title, because if you have more than one Author's work, op.cit. gets confusing.

6. You're totally telling a story, about what you think happened. I would change your question to "What really happened" or something, rather than pretending you analyse various interpretations.

7. If you use arial, make the footnotes arial, too.

 

[xeuyrawp]

i fail to see how it demonstrates your understanding of how history operates though?

1. Yes, I totally agree. It's just telling a story.

,inor note, shouldn't quotes be in itlalics? All footnotes should have a full stop in the end. I reckon its good.

2. If a "quotation" (not "quote", hunny, you should know that if you're doing Ext History...) is longer than or equal to three lines, you indent the entire block, take out the quotation marks, and reduce its line spacing. Like so (attachment)

3. You DON'T indent the first line when you're typing. You only indent when you're handwriting, or indenting a large quotation (like attachment).

4. You DON'T ever underline on a computer. You do in English, because they're setting you up for the exam. Underlining is what you do instead of ITALICISING when you can't italicise (ie, you're hand-writing, or on a typwriter.)

5. Your referencing is shit.

First instance:

D Christian, Maps of Time: An introduction to Big History, (Berkley; University of California Press, 2004), p.2.

You can omit the place (Berkley), and just leave it

... (University of California Press, 2004)...

Second instance: You just do Ibid, or whatever takes your fancy. I don't use latin abbreviations, I abbreviate the title, because if you have more than one Author's work, op.cit. gets confusing. (Second attachment- all references aren't first instance, and all have abbreviated titles, because Christian wrote more than one text that I'm referring to).

6. You're totally telling a story, about what you think happened. I would change your question to "What really happened" or something, rather than pretending you analyse various interpretations.

7. If you use arial, make the footnotes arial, too.

 

[scarybunny]

no, you are supposed to underline book titles, even when footnoting.
and latin stuff is perfectly fine.

sir gave us that booklet with all the stuff on how to footnote and i would recommend following sir's instructions instead of ^ that bloke.
that bloke will not be marking your essay.

 

[xeuyrawp]

no, you are supposed to underline book titles, even when footnoting.
and latin stuff is perfectly fine.

sir gave us that booklet with all the stuff on how to footnote and i would recommend following sir's instructions instead of ^ that bloke.
that bloke will not be marking your essay.

Of course you would follow him, you want marks.

But, your teacher is stupid, and you're stupider for blindly following him. You never, ever, underline in a computer-typed essay. Underlining is what you do when you can't italicise- hence, you underline foreign words in an essay, as you would italicise them if you were typing.

You underline in an English (the subject) essay because the BoardOS has found standardising it- ie, making them underline in Assessments and the Exams, is simpler than confusing dumber students *cough* by having seemingly double standards. This is not English.

Find me any referencing guide (edit: a real one) that proves me wrong.

Latin is perfectly fine, but I was showing you a better alternative.

excuse me... WHERE are my semi-colons and commas?
i put dozens of the little suckers in there...
so offended that you took them out. *tear

People who use lots of semi-colons and commas make far too long sentences, and prefer to impress with copious amounts of crap rather than historical knowledge How come you didn't actually help with the HISTORY side of the MW, rather than the English side, hmm?

In the end, it doesn't matter, as long as you get the marks, but it would be great if, for some reason, your teacher didn't mark it, and then you came here and had a big fat cry.

 

[scarybunny]

... what the fuck?
I'm aware that my essay contains copious amounts of crap, even without semi-colons, and i'm impressed with your ESP in that area.
However, it is possible to give advice without being a dickhead.

 

[xeuyrawp]

ok. some things are not strictly correct. we get it. calm down.

... what the fuck?
I'm aware that my essay contains copious amounts of crap, even without semi-colons, and i'm impressed with your ESP in that area.
However, it is possible to give advice without being a dickhead.

You're telling me to calm down?

And ESP has nothing to do with knowing that semicolons = copious crap. If you use semicolons too much, your writing style sucks. Long, complex sentences are not necessary in history.

And no, you were being a dickhead first, you hypocrite.

 

[scarybunny]

maybe you're not a dickhead, but you're definitely overly passionate about footnoting.

 

[nwatts]

Underlining is what you do when you can't italicise- hence, you underline foreign words in an essay, as you would italicise them if you were typing.

You're completely correct. Scarybunny, you are not. There's a right way, and a wrong way. Most teachers I know mark down for poor referencing. Losing marks so stupidly is just, stupid. Scarybunny, why don't you listen to this guys advice? He's ensuring you don't blindly throw away marks.

People who use lots of semi-colons and commas make far too long sentences, and prefer to impress with copious amounts of crap rather than historical knowledge How come you didn't actually help with the HISTORY side of the MW, rather than the English side, hmm?

I don't completely agree with this , and I don't think what you've said makes sense. Long sentences don't equal a lack in historical knowledge. Conversely, short sentences don't equal concise expression of understanding. You're not writing a newspaper article, you're writing an essay. Structure is then defined (to an extent) by the writer, who will tailor the way he writes to match what he's saying.

I use semicolons quite regularly in both history and english, and have never been marked down for it. It's my style of writing, and it gets what I want to say across perfectly.

I agree that a LOT of people misuse semicolons, making sentences drawn out and difficult to follow. However, to say that it's silly to ever use them is not really helpful.

On a different note, i've only just began my draft. Better get moving.

 

[scarybunny]

Is it still throwing away marks when your teacher told you to do it that way?

 

[xeuyrawp]

I don't completely agree with this , and I don't think what you've said makes sense. Long sentences don't equal a lack in historical knowledge. Conversely, short sentences don't equal concise expression of understanding. You're not writing a newspaper article, you're writing an essay. Structure is then defined (to an extent) by the writer, who will tailor the way he writes to match what he's saying.

Essentially, markers are marking you on your ability to concisely present your history ability. From what I've seen, a lot of people abuse commas and semicolons when it would be better to start a new sentence. Remembering that the nature of English (and language in general) is that it deteriorates when you write it- ideas become lost in grammar, etc. When the sentences get longer, there's more of a chance of errors. One idea per sentence is usually a good rule. Anyway, this is just in my experience.

I agree that a LOT of people misuse semicolons, making sentences drawn out and difficult to follow. However, to say that it's silly to ever use them is not really helpful.

I hope I didn't say that, because sometime's it's necessary to use them. What I said was responding to the girl who added all the semicolons. If she simply added semicolons, it implies that there were short sentences. Short sentences are fine, contrary to popular belief. If your writing style is good, there's nothing wrong with using the comma and the semicolon, but when people abuse both, it's nasty.

maybe you're not a dickhead, but you're definitely overly passionate about footnoting.

*sigh* You have no idea, do you. You're one of those pesky bitches that just attack people no matter what. Ie, you say something stupid, I proved you wrong, you argue, I prove you wrong again. 3rd party comes and then proves you wrong. You argue again. Etc, etc, until your arguments become insults which essentially degrade me as a person who is trying to help everyone (come in the form of "you know so much, you have no life", "you care too much", "you spend too much time on the net"). Go away

 

[scarybunny]

But, your teacher is stupid, and you're stupider for blindly following him.

you attacked me first. it's hard not to be a pesky bitch when people attack you for following your teachers instructions.
and you can stay on the net and help people all you like, just be nice about it.

 

[xeuyrawp]

you attacked me first. it's hard not to be a pesky bitch when people attack you for following your teachers instructions.
and you can stay on the net and help people all you like, just be nice about it.

I've been here so much longer than you, don't pretend you know how things work and be a patronising wanker. Look at my post count. Look at my join date. Look at Mervin, the little blue man.

Post 9 (your post) was antagonising and a waste of space, 10 (the one you quoted), was my reaction to it. So if we're going to be children with "who started it", 9 comes before 10.

I'm only bitchy because I'm right, and because I genuinely help people rather than make pointless posts about "sir told me to do this". Subtlety, etc, is not my thing, it wastes everyone's time. You'd argue with me until I bluntly showed you that you were wrong. Mayaswell do it straight away and save everyone's energy.

Who cares what your particular teacher told you? In fact, people should care less when he's wrong. The poster should do what the marker wants. If it's not clear what the marker wants, what is right is the best approach. S/he didn't know what the marker wanted. I was right. Your post was not only wrong (with the underlining), probably a lie (with the saying that's how he showed you), but also irrelevant (what's your "sir" got to do with any of this). End of story.

 

[veridis]

well this thread hsa certainly got mroe entertaining today. but keep it on topic please folks.

ok starting with gordo. yeah i need a more defined thesis and better intro and conclusion. apart from those i'd like to know where you think it could be clearer in historiography and where it should tell the story less. cause i cant see much that can be cut without leaving the reader high and dry in terms of context

sugar plum - yeah i kinda figured some of my footnoting could be improved

pwar
1. again could you say where this is rather than just point out its there
2/3. ok didnt know that. so should i leave a line break between paras or just start a new line?
4. just doing it how my teacher told me(same teacher as bunny so some of her points were valid in context making you both right. yay. now stop bitching my thread)
5. thanks for that. the use of latin was at teachers intrsuctions but i'll do the other changes
6. q might be changed but more to help with making a good intro/conclusion. still dont see where story is being told
7.hhmm good point. didnt notice that at all

as for the rest dont think any new issues were raised
oh and i'm a guy pwar

 

[xeuyrawp]

pwar
1. again could you say where this is rather than just point out its there
2/3. ok didnt know that. so should i leave a line break between paras or just start a new line?
4. just doing it how my teacher told me(same teacher as bunny so some of her points were valid in context making you both right. yay. now stop bitching my thread)
5. thanks for that. the use of latin was at teachers intrsuctions but i'll do the other changes
6. q might be changed but more to help with making a good intro/conclusion. still dont see where story is being told
7.hhmm good point. didnt notice that at all

1. Where what is, telling a story? Try to address certain issues rather than certain events, if that makes sense. I'd make all the different paragraphs explicitly address different issues. Simple sentences, don't try to judge someone's work. "It fails" on the top paragraph of the last page is inappropriate. Your paragraphs also seem static and illogically placed. I would "blend" the historian's views rather than address them in relation to different ideas. You do this a bit with a para starting with "in contrast to this"- but that needs to be done a lot more. ARgh, this is so frustrating to articulate, I hope I'm making sense.

You seem to have a few conclusions, one for each idea and historian. Keep the summing up to two paragraphs maximum.

2. Start a totally new paragraph, ie, leave one full, empty, line.

3,4,5. Just do it how the marker wants.