Do you see yourself marrying outside your race? (1 Viewer)

[Minai]

err...how did ur dad pick ur mom up?...

They speak english

 

[Captain Gh3y]

Race: A local geographic or global human population distinguished as a more or less distinct group by genetically transmitted physical characteristics.

Race is actually just a social construct; it doesn't exist.

Oh yeah, on topic: No. Never.

 

[soha]

do i see myself marrying outside of my race?
yes i do...infact the chances are very likely that i wont marry a leb
but God knows

 

[yabby]

Anyways being asian, im actually more attracted to causasians, but never the less marriage seems a looooong way off, so know whose. "Whatever tickles your tinker really "
One things definite,that is not gonna marry someone with a nagging voice eg the actress from the nanny

 

[SuGa BunI =D]

have a feeling that i’ll marry 3+ time, might as well marry one of every colour

 

[yabby]

Just to add on the note before
"It dont matter if your balck or white"

and yes i know its not the best example being it was sung by michael jackson, but u get the point

 

[Enoch]

a new color is made every second...

 

[AsyLum]

I like to call it sporallow

 

[erawamai]

I guess I suffer from princess syndrome then if you put it that way. I have a lot of respect for my parents and value the family institution, and any guy who doesn't have that kind of respect for his own family.... I'll question whether he's someone I'd like to raise a family with.

I would hope that you respect YOUR HUSBAND WHO YOU LOVE (supposedly) and HIS FAMILY AND HIS PERCEPTIONS.

You would hope in the modern world the whole notion of family clans dynasties and marrying into the mob...I mean family...were dead and buried.

As for the princiess syndrome a common symptom is that you really really care about the relationship your partner has with your parents. While it might be important it should not preclude people who are outside your race. I may even say that to preclude people who are not from your race from your potential husband list as 'scarily narrow minded for a young person'.

And who is to say that a person who is your race is going to get on with your parents? Shouldn't your parents love the person that you happens to love because they love you?

He doesn't need to impress my family, god no! I don't think it's too much to ask for them to be able to just -talk- to my husband and have him understand what they're on about.

And what do you mean communication doesn't have the be 'literal language communication'? Should they just have a psychic understanding of each other?

You don't have to be able to talk to someone to understand them or to know that they are treating their daughter well. There are a number of non language forms of communication. Just because you do not speak the same language doesnt mean they will not like you or understand you or accept you.

I cannot think of anything worse than having to spend the rest of my life with my wifes parents over my shoulder. Or in the case of everybody loves reymond the husbands parents. While it may be humourous on TV it would be cause for the poor guy, unless the family is loaded or he is pussy whipped, to not hang around for a long time.

I think that'll be an awful shame and something I'd rather avoid by marrying someone my own race.

It's for that reason as well that I want to marry someone who is able to talk to my parents - as soon as you learn that someone cannot speak English well you assume they're also lazy or intellectually lacking as well.

hmmmmmmmmmmm

 

[monzi]

---

My boyfriend is maori I'm Syrian. Big difference, but I don't care I'm happy and yes I could see myself marrying him.

 

[JoeysBoy]

I want to end up with a girl who's a "hippy". The majority of them are "white", so I supose the chances are I'll be going with that kind of girl but there was this dark girl at a recent hippy festival I went to (belangin) who got my itching to talk to her. I pussed out though Omg she was gorgeous

Theres also this girl at one of the churches I used to play at (cello) who is very cute... she's (I think) philipino? She's not chinese, Japanese or Korean but... hmmm... maybe cambodian? Wow! And she was very easy to talk to... absolute champ!

 

[hipsta_jess]

*Bellingen

I just need to ask, why do you want to be with a hippy?

 

[sparkl3z]

i for one definitly will marry outside my race, i mean i know there will be problems to face, but i believe that true love will overcome anything, and as in problems, i mean parents family etc, different cultural backgrounds and stuff, but since he's going to marry me, and not my family, i don't think that it should matter too much.

 

[erawamai]

Of course I would respect my husband! I never said anything about not respecting his family or his perceptions. I just said that I also respect my family and I hope that by marrying I would not be forced to exclude them from my life.

I hope you respect your partners choice to be marrying you and not your father.

Excuse me? I happen to respect the family notion very highly. My parents gave me life and I have never loved a guy more than I love my family - no guy is going to steal me from my family, I want both to be an important part of my life! I want to be able to talk to my in-laws and I want to be a part of their family as well, it's not like I want to incorporate him into my family - I just think it's a crying shame if you truely believe the family is an archaic idea ('dead and buried')!!

The notion that the guy MUST fit with your family is a very quaint idea and anachronistic idea. It also shows your parents have had a very tight reign on you since you were young.

As for the culture barrier. Unless your parents are martians I think they will be able to get along with their prospective partners. I have the feeling you are playing up the culture and language thing much too much. As I said previously. WHO CARES IF THEY DO NOT SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE.

What on earth does harmony between your partner and family have to do with him speaking the same language. He could speak the same language as your parents and not get on with them at all?

You may as well never move out and live in your parents home with your husband.

And I'm NOT precluding people not from my race! All the guys I've dated so far have not been from the same race as me - I'm definately not racist. My selection criteria for a husband is roughly just someone who loves me, knows that I love my parents, and thus would try his best to converse and be friendly to them! I just think that the latter would be much more difficult if he did not speak the same languages as them.

I think your standard are much too high and romantically anachronistic and unrealistic. I think most people would be happy if they person loved them. Involving extended families into relationships is asking for trouble. People have a enough trouble keeping everything happy in the relationship itself rather than having the whole bloody extended family peering over their shoulder. Having to keep the whole extended family happy is an unrealistic expectation which is what you do when you involve the extended family.

Whether they get on with his or her parents is important but its nothing standing in the way of the relationship itself. You seem to be characterising the relationship between your parents and husband as something that could make or break the relationship. Which is really just silly.

As for precluding people from other races...

But later on when marriage is a serious possibility it's going to be hard to marry someone outside my race. Cause when he marries me, he's becoming a part of my family, so it's important he can communicate with parents and relatives.

Again...really thats just silly. They don't have to speak the same language to get on.

I guess in this day and age where 'in-laws' are undesirable and hated, you would never understand that knowing your wife's family isn't a bad thing. Why do you automatically assume that in-laws would be eternally intrusive in your precious life together? Why don't you see it as a source of life experience and wisdom, the same household where your wife grew up and found comfort in?

I automatically assume it because you speak of the importance of your parents in your relationship with a potential husband like it is the priority.

One day you have to stop suckling on the collective teat of your parents and grow up. This does not mean forgot your parents. It means a balanced relationship where your partner is the focus. I think it would be rather interesting if your grown husband was always making a big fuss out of how important your relationship is with his mother to your relationship...and that if you didn't get on with her the relationship could be dead.

I find it disturbing that you make a big deal over your prospective husband's relationship with your family...to the extent that it could make or break a relationship.

 

[JoeysBoy]

*Bellingen

I just need to ask, why do you want to be with a hippy?

Thats ok! Thanks for asking

a) She's more likely to be a vego
b) if she isn't, she'll be more likely to accept my as one
c) Hippies generally tend to stay out of urban areas
d) They have far more emotion (generally)
e) They are more likely to be eating healthier food --> omg body, sexual stamina, etc.
f) The girl I have a thing for is a "hippie" (Both her parents were hippies --> it rubbed off onto her)
g) I love hippy culture (except the drugs) and their thought of mind
h) Traditional hippies tend to be more politically aware (i.e. being a hippy --> protest)
I) I want to explore the deeper meaning of the word hippy.

 

[hipsta_jess]

Your posts make me think you've never been in love, because I'm willing to bet good money on the fact when you do fall in love, everything you've said will go out the window.

 

[erawamai]

I always look for balance in my life - a healthy balance between independence and love of family is what is lacking nowadays. Marriage comes with it the responsibility of maintaining a family - it's not just me and him and love alone. If I happen to fall in love with someone my family does not like, I would never marry him ...

That would be very sad indeed. If your parents really did not love the person you chose to love then I'd argue that they are not really thinking in your best interests but rather selfishly. My parents have always made it clear to me that they will love whoever I choose to love because they trust me to make the right choice. In the end it is my personal choice and your personal choice. It should not be your parents. Your parents should be interested in YOUR personal happiness.

If your parents stopped you from marrying the person you loved because they did not approve then it would should that your parents are not interested in your personal happiness or welfare, but rather their own image and power. Dictating the issue of love to your children, when they are well into their adulthood, is anachronistic and belongs in the 18th century.

I would hope that parents are open minded enough to be able to accept that their little princess has grown up and as such should choose to marry whoever she wants. The parents that make it difficult for their son or daugher because they don't like him or her are stubborn. It does do any good for the parents to never accept the in law daughter or son.

My aunt married a Russian man and whenever she visits her parents, he brings a book or his laptop along and sits by himself. So have some cousins who married Aussie blokes and barely visit the family anymore. I'm not sure how they feel about all that, they could be perfectly happy with the arrangement , but language does make a huge difference to how well everyone gets along!

You wonder why the they never visit the family ever again? From the sounds of things I'd run too.

No guy or girls wants to feel like their are under an obligation to form deep heartfelt relationships with their in laws. If they do all well and good. But it should not be a condition of the relationship happening. If it is it will only end in heartbreak. Keeping a whole family happy when it comes to relationship is too much to ask when people have trouble keeping the relationship itself happy. The added scrutiny of family pressure and obligation will not result in the relationship lasting.

On the contrary, I think it's prudent to think of the practical side of the marriage. Marry for love yes, but everyone has to consider how that is going to work out in the long term. Definately not a romantic notion, and very realistic to consider how fulfilling the marriage will be for everyone involved.

Again the person is marrying you. Not great aunt Dot. the fact that Aunty Dot is invovled means she gets to have a say in the marriage and the new hubby has to keep her happy AS WELL as the in laws, the wife and the sister in laws. It's added pressure and scrutiny that doesn't do wonders for the relationship. Family contact is great. But too much will kill it and kill it good.

I will never be selfish enough to cause a rift in my family. I'm not going to marry someone if they don't compromise a little to fit with my priorities in life. Similarly, I don't mind compromising if there is something about me that would make our marriage life difficult.

I would hope that your family, once if found out that you were marrying that person, would get over their stubborness and accept the person you love. Parents and extended families who disaprove of new husbands should butt out or accept that person and accept the choice of the girl. The onus in not on the girl. It is on the family to accept the personal choice of the girl.

Actually, I'd like to find a guy who values his mother so much. If his mother, who probably knows him best, thinks that I'm not the right person for her son then that's certainly something I have to think about. I'm not going to marry him AT ALL COSTS and cause hardship between him and his parents.

'Sorry Lainee. I love you so much. And these last 5 years have been a blast. But my mum doesn't like you. So it doesnt look like its going to work out. Cyas'.

I think it would be better if the mother respected the choice of the son rather than stubbornly not accept the fact that her child has grown up should be able to make choices for themselves.

Mothers are important. But I'd hope my mother would accept my potential wife. Only immaturity and stubbornness would stop her from doing so.

It would be rather sad if a persons mother and extended family dictated your life choices well into your adulthood.

YOU choose who you marry. NOT your family. To admit that family has a large choice in who you marry indicates a feeling not too far different from arranged marriages.

My family is the biggest thing in my life right now. I can sacrifice everything for them - even my own personal happiness by not being able to marry the man I love. It doesn't mean I'll stop loving him, I just owe my parents too much to hurt them.

Again. Your parents, if the situation arose, would need to respect your personal decision. They would need to recognise that the best person top make choices for you is you as an individual. That they have no right to dictate your adult life.

Only a poor parent would fail to accept the personal choice of a grown adult.

 

[ur_inner_child]

i suppose what you need to be saying lainee, is that language is one of the things that help a good relationship between your partner and your parents. language, among other things would make it a lot easier.

But to be a good partner means that you make an effort, not hope that things would be easy.

 

[Bookie]

Man, this has become too hectic to read.

 

[rumour]

Yes, I do see myself marrying someone who is not the same race as me. I'm not really attracted to people of my own race.