Cover Letter (1 Viewer)

[- Messiah -]

Hi All,

Different day, same shit - Im jobless.

Been job hunting since Dec, going to limits of the Cityrail network just to find any vacancies. Travelled to Penrith, Blacktown, Paramatta, Liverpool, Hornsby, City, Bondi Junction & Chatswood without any luck.

"We'll call you back"

"Its busy, we'll call you back next week"

"Yeah, theres many applications to go through, we'll call you back"

Not one phone call. Not a rejection. Nothing.

So I guess it has got to be my cover letter.

Heres one I prepared earlier for a vacant sales position (computers) at HN Liverpool.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to express interest in the vacant sales position for Computers/Electrical.

I would love to work at Harvey Norman because I have a vast knowledge of most of the products the company sells, which has been developed through my technical knowledge of computers and its hardware, and reading various technology magazines for the latest information on products and components. I therefore have a strong knowledge of products Harvey Norman sells, such as digital cameras, printers, audio & visual entertainment systems, and MP3 Players. This knowledge combined with my retail experience at Tandy, will be advantageous to the company.

As an active gamer, I have a familiarity of the popular games, its associated jargon, and relevant hardware such as the Xbox & PS2 consoles, Nintendo GameCube, Micro, PSP and the up coming X360. I believe this understanding, combined with the customer service I have developed through my previous jobs would benefit Harvey Norman greatly.

I have enclosed my resume for your inspection and look forward to hearing from you soon. I am available for interview at your convenience. Should I become the successful applicant, I am available for work immediately.

My previous work experience include: Subway, Vodaphone (Fake), Tandy (Yr 10 Work Exp).

Now, please tell me whats wrong with the cover letter? What more BS do I need to add, what needs to be taken out?

Thanks for the help.

 

[seremify007]

If you're faking something- at least spell it correctly! Vodafone~

Seriously I don't think your work exp will matter that much; more importantly is that you are suited to the job. Have you tried applying for stuff like EB and Games Wizards? The letter might be a little bit more casual than expected- if you are going to list the things you are familiar with, don't use acronyms/abbreviations; better yet, just say you are very interested in the industry and follow one or two particular platforms to show you have interest.

What I don't get is why you emphasise your work exp from year10 and not Subway?

 

[seremify007]

Maybe also consider (at your level) since you don't really care where you work- look online? There are a lot of door-to-door-marketing and telemarketing jobs, as well as call-centers, etc.. which always have vacancies.

 

[- Messiah -]

Thanks for the input gents.

Employers don't have the patience to read through such a long cover letter. Same applies for CVs.

Make it short and concise, 30-50 words.

Yeah, Ive been told that several times, but what can you convey in a short cover letter?

50~ words is equal to this:

I am writing to express interest in the vacant sales position for Computers/Electrical.

I have enclosed my resume for your inspection and look forward to hearing from you soon. I am available for interview at your convenience. Should I become the successful applicant, I am available for work immediately.

Ive based my letter similar to the 5***** ones on seek.com.au

Seriously I don't think your work exp will matter that much

Im thinking any experience is better than no experience. Thats why I had to get my friend to be one of my referees, as he works at Vodafone, and knows his job, so he can BS for me when phoned.

Have you tried applying for stuff like EB and Games Wizards?

Yes, and no luck so far.

What I don't get is why you emphasise your work exp from year10 and not Subway?

Subway is certainly not in the same industry as Tandy, or Harvey Norman. What value would the manager see in having a bloke make sandwiches?

Anyways, thanks for the constructive criticism...keep em coming!

 

[Eagles]

Subway is certainly not in the same industry as Tandy, or Harvey Norman. What value would the manager see in having a bloke make sandwiches?

Its not about what you did at the job, its more about what skills you've learned.

Like subway; BANG! already, u have teamwork, customer service, cash handling, hygiene (adhering to procedures) etc.

Then you go on about how it can be applied to the job.

Btw, I dont think faking about vodafone is a good idea. You're going to be inconsistant if they ask about it in the interview.

 

[- Messiah -]

Thanks for the advice. Ill take them into consideration for my next job.

Just wondering, when you submit your CV/Resume to the manager, do you dress casually, or formally? I assume you dress formally to get a good first impression?

 

[copious]

No offense but the cover letter sounds like something you took off google. If i was an employer I would see it as same old same old. Change it around a bit.

 

[Jess-a_belle]

Employers don't have the patience to read through such a long cover letter. Same applies for CVs.

Make it short and concise, 30-50 words.

really?
my cover letter is a full page...

 

[Scanorama]

You don't need a cover letter to apply for a casual retail job, don't waste your time making one, just type up a good resume.

 

[seremify007]

Subway is certainly not in the same industry as Tandy, or Harvey Norman. What value would the manager see in having a bloke make sandwiches?

Anyways, thanks for the constructive criticism...keep em coming!

It's not the industry which counts at our level but rather your commitment and dedication to working well- that is, interaction with customers, fast-paced environment, willingness to learn, etc... If you think you did a decent job at Subway, you should say what it taught you and how it could be suited to whatever job you are applying for, and then provide a reference (as someone else mentioned) so that they can call 'em up and see if you were a good worker or not. Putting some BS work experience down without a reference makes it look like you got fired for being a dickhead employee.

 

[seremify007]

Thanks for the advice. Ill take them into consideration for my next job.

Just wondering, when you submit your CV/Resume to the manager, do you dress casually, or formally? I assume you dress formally to get a good first impression?

Depends on the job. If it's something where you have to wear uniform like Harvey Norman then maybe wear a smart casual outfit with proper button up shirt and trousers? If it's a casual environment like a clothing store then "blend in" =P, but most importantly, don't go in wearing excessive and unappealing clothing- I'll let you figure out what that includes.

And no offence if you are into wearing black, jewellery, collars, spikes, and all that sortof stuff.... but it probably isn't very appealing to an employer to see that- unless it's like a CD shop or something.