Can't get over it... (1 Viewer)

[puglover]

If you want to slap me in the face go for it, I probably deserve it and need it.
I just sorta broke up with my boyfriend... It started out with me saying .. "I want space." I told him over the phone because I couldn't handle saying it to his face. And then we met up just like at the Pancake Parlour (mmm) and went to the movies. That was hell sitting at the pancake parlour with the weird freaking awkwardness. Neither could say anything. Then we went to the movies. Awkward still. But then i held his hand during it. Then we stopped at this like bar/pub place to listen to music... then he said he wanted to go for a walk to "talk".. so he's like yatta yatta what did you mean by what you said? More awkwardness. =/ then we started making out back at my place.. and then he pissed off.. cause he reckoned it felt weird making out. which is understandable =/.
then told him on the phone again that it just wont work. we are very different. yatta yatta.
so the problem is:
he is my best friend, been mates for 3 years +, going out for a year and a bit. every time i see him, i wanna kiss him or something.. but i dont wanna do that because its not right the relationship... i dunno maybe its some fear of me being alone. he really doesnt take no for answer.. freakin went and bought me chocolates and says he is going to change.. then rocked up at my house without notice.. so i grabbed my mum and we hid down the back. then guilt hit me because i lied and said i wasnt home that day on the phone. then he asked if he can come over the next day.. i was just real vague. so he didnt end up comin, phew. this were i got real stupid and you should probably slap me in the face.. i was out clubbing and stuff just cause i was trying to get over him, drinking a bit. and then i went and slept with a freaking random at his house. i know majorly stupid. look i aint wanna of those girls that go sleeping around, this guy i have been going out with trying to get over is my first boyfriend. yes sleeping with that other random real stupid and i feel an incredible guilt. im just finding it really hard to get over somebody that you care about and that loves you like you wouldnt believe, i just dont feel that same passion. and am finding it hard to get over that physical side and not kissing him when i see him. can i have my best friend back?

and please dont go correcting my grammar and spelling, i dont really care.. give me a break have been doing english homework all day.. wish to not use it on the boards

And realize i am bloody lucky for not getting murdered or diseases from that bloody random.

 

[AsyLum]

Short answer: No.

Long answer: It'll take some work, but it wont go back to the same old, it'll be different, how, its up to you and him to work it out.

 

[puglover]

oh.

is there any good in this? =/

 

[iambored]

can i summarise the story? i think i missed something...
you had a best guy friend for 3 years. you went out with him for a year.
you broke up with him, you both met up and it was awkward, you made out, he felt weird about it and left, you then called him and said it wouldn't work out.
however, even though you have broken up you feel attracted to him. he wants you back. although you're attracted to him you don't want him. you slept with a guy out clubbing because you're finding it hard to get over him.
and the problem is - you want your guy friend back as a friend.

why don't you want to be in a realtionship with him?

 

[alby]

good: you've learnt a couple of lessons

bad: probably still feel weird for a fairly long time

 

[azzie]

If you're sleeping with other people clearly there's something else happening. Maybe you're scared of the kinda committment a long term relationship requires of you.

And "but I was drunk" is no excuse, I've been plastered off my face and still rejected men because I had/have a boyfriend.

 

[sja]

i made the mistake of actually being bothered to read your whole post

no hard feelings, you're just a really low human being. you spat 3 years of time and effort that he has put up with in his face. i'm happy that he didn't waste any more time on you.

don't be too upset though, things could always be worse. i think the only thing worse than this is probably you being dead by suicide. rofl.

 

[AsyLum]

oh.

is there any good in this? =/

Depends, if you can stomach telling him you slept with the dude, and he's a good enough bloke to take it on the chin and move on (with time) then perhaps theres a chance.

You could not tell him, but I'd question the validity of anything you do after that.

 

[puglover]

why don't you want to be in a realtionship with him?

ever since the first day i met him..
it has been ummz huh.. look should i/should i not.. for 3 darn freaking years..
one day it would be like OMG I WANNA MARRY AND HAVE KIDS WITH THIS GUY (i didnt say that to his face mind you, i just crazily thought ) and then the next day its like omg why am i with this guy. it just didnt feel right to have these ever changing feelings... so i wanted out..

and i dont want to be in a relationship with him..
because i find myself looking at other people =/
and i wanted to get out of it before i hurt him.

and we are very different.
=/

 

[puglover]

with that random nothing happened we just slept together.
we didnt have sex.
i wouldnt allow that.

and i know it was incrdibly wrong and it wasnt me.

i missed having him wrap my arms around me, i cry at the thought.
im scared ive lost my best friend.

and im freaking scared because i dont know what i want.

i feel like i dont even know who i am.

and im not a cold person, like all people i make stupid mistakes.

 

[puglover]

And "but I was drunk" is no excuse, I've been plastered off my face and still rejected men because I had/have a boyfriend.

Yeah I know.
I clearly new what i was doing =/
it was very wrong.

 

[iambored]

and i dont want to be in a relationship with him..
because i find myself looking at other people =/
and i wanted to get out of it before i hurt him.

that was really good of you to realise and to do that

ever since the first day i met him..
it has been ummz huh.. look should i/should i not.. for 3 darn freaking years..
one day it would be like OMG I WANNA MARRY AND HAVE KIDS WITH THIS GUY (i didnt say that to his face mind you, i just crazily thought ) and then the next day its like omg why am i with this guy. it just didnt feel right to have these ever changing feelings... so i wanted out..

and we are very different.
=/

fair enough. obviously no relationship is going to be easy though, but if it doesn't feel right don't force it, just it seemed like you were forcing yourself to not be with him

btw by 'slept together' i think we all thought you had sex with him.

i don't know what to advise.

 

[puglover]

i had my period. i couldnt. but i would probably freak out about the idea of sexually transmitted diseases and wouldnt.. (my mum is a nurse, i hear freakish stories)
but to me.. it felt the same as sex...
=/

its just so hard.. to give up someone.. i have never had somebody love me the way he does.. thats special. the thing is i cant jump in and out of the bucket when its convenient. i dont want to do that to him.

but i feel like.. im scared if i see him again in person.. again... im going to want to kiss him again, to be hugged.

im just scared to be alone.
as pathetic as that sounds.

ps.
he keeps talking to me on msn saying he has chocolates he wants to give me =/
i think thats just his pussy way of trying to see me -.-

 

[Serius]

wow i was getting ready to fire off an angry reply, but lucky you didnt fuck that random [ who the hell brings someone back to their friends house and tries to anyways?] otherwise all respect would be lost.

So this is kinda why guys get frustrated by their womens. Lets hope he is a better man than i, because if it was me i would have washed my hands clean of you and had no more contact.

What is he supposed to think anyway? you break up with him, then go on a date then get with him? no wonder it felt wierd he was probably thought you were trying to manipulate him. Then you tried to use sex as an emotional weopon against him[luckily you didnt go through with it] jesus christ thats how people get killed! imagine if he walked in on you fucking some random in his house.

If he gets back together with you consider yourself lucky

the good side: you are young and mistakes happen, now you know to be careful of misscommunication, vagueness, emotional confusion and one night stands.

 

[cerpin taxt]

you are a categorically bad person for leading this poor guy along for 3 years, having all these doubts the whole time, and not talking to him about it. i hope he goes and finds someone who knows how to communicate.

 

[puglover]

ok to clear things up.. i had already like broken up with this guy when i slept with this random. the issue, with sleeping with the random was my security. im bloody lucky i didnt get killed.

why did i tag him along for 3 years... because i enjoyed his company. because there were times when i really loved him and then there were times when i didnt. i didnt tell him because i was scared. i told him though when we went on our 'break".

ok im gonna shut the hell up.. cause ive just realized im being overly defensive with everything you guys say and it is wrong.

i just wanna go to a corner and cry, because i just cant deal with this confussion.

and i didnt mean to make out with him when i saw him. i just had those feelings.

im just bloody sick of these mixed feelings.

 

[puglover]

and when i told him these feelings, i was slightly cut and then all he said was that he loves me.

then was i ever so cut.

 

[Serius]

how emotional if you. I think you are confused and upset. Maybe you are a bad person, but i dont like to assume that of anyone. I doubt you would have got killed though, i am thinking of something else that is far more likely.

 

[AsyLum]

Its going to be a case of you making an effort, and him letting you get 'close' to him again, as I see it. He's been burnt, but he doesn't know all this, I assume, its probably best to lay the cards out, see if he's still biting, otherwise, it'll remain to be this unsteady ease.

 

[puglover]

"you break up with him, then go on a date then get with him"

and dude we have been best friends for like 3 years,
i saw no harm in just going to the movies with him as mates.
and it was hard to just sit there. then things just sorta happened.

look i dont want to dwell on the past,
i wanna focus on what i am gonna do...