BOS Showcase: 2005 Major Works (1 Viewer)

[enigma~]

Again, thanks for all your comments - Logain, Sweets, and thanks for your deconstruction fleepbasding.

But my play wasn't meant to abide by many of the staples of drama - character rels and suchsuch, but it still needed some of them - logical plot blahblah. As such, I followed some Brechtian and Shakespearean examples and made the politicians merely symbolic, with the important peeps being the people...just like CP Kings

Thanks for reading my work.

As for a ref statement, I've only got this old draft:

Nice. I like what i've read so far...i plan to finish it off soon...

 

[gorgo31]

Thanks Sweets

Arvin: I used the normal big fat laser-jet printer at school, because our possessive Art staffroom refused to let me use their special photo printer! It ended up looking OK - not as good as digitally, or glossy photo quality, but OK. Glad you liked them

Enigma: Just read yours, and I'm impressed. Lots of interesting relationship dynamics and criminal influences, and I could really see the film noir coming through! Setting was utilised cleverly, and most of your images were solid and effective. Your screenplay writing style is excellent, but I think some of the dialogue was perhaps hammed up perhaps too far. All in all, it was a solid piece of Crime Fiction. Incidentally, have you read the other posted screenplays? I think everyone's done Crime Fiction this year!

 

[c_james]

Here is my MW and RS. It is a drama script (play). I had to break it into 2 files- Scene one and two, and scene three and four. criticism would be appreciated. Please! I'd really like some feedback!

This was an enjoyable read - at times it was amusing, and at others it was quite funny. Importantly, however, you didn't let the humour muddle your appeal to the audience that the 4th wall, in a postmodern age such as ours, must be destroyed. The phonetics, too, were for the most part exceptional, as was the whole premise of the script itself - you also knew exactly what you were doing, as evidenced by your reflection statement, where you mention something to the effect of creating "theatre about theatre". What I liked best, however, was your incorporation of the postmodern movement in the work, particularly Barthes' 'The Death of the Author' - the melding of traditional literary theorists with theatre was clever.

However, as crazyhomo identified, some of the jokes' punchlines probably wouldn't have their desired effect. On the whole though, the humour works. Though the ending was a bit jarring, on reflection I think it did complement the indeterminacy of your script well. However, I still feel that had you made Keane's closing words a little more profound and memorable the ending would've worked much better.

Overall though, I liked this a lot. You weren't overly ambitious, as so many scripts are, but you didn't restrict yourself to an oversimplified concept - you achieved a balance of depth and producability, and this, I think, worked.

 

[fleepbasding]

Thank you so so very much for that wonderful feedback! Very appreciated and I'm glad that you enjoyed and grasped the concepts so well. I will read and give feedback on yours soon.I'm a bit busy at the moment with drama performance exams in a couple of days, but I look forward to reading it asap. Thanks again, I'm very appreciative of your comments.

 

[Jvaf87]

Here's mine guys, tell me what you think...

 

[OutOfOrder]

c_james and fleepbasding: thanks heaps for the feedback, i really appreciate it! I've still got a couple assessments to do, so i'll read your stories sometime soon.

I felt, however, that you weren't specific enough in regards to your intended audience in the reflection statement, and that some parts and lesser characters of the story itself could have been better developed. I sympathise, however, with the fact that you had to jam-pack a complex story into 8000 words. Overall, it was an entertaining read and provided great escapism.

That's true, and it was something i wish i could have done, but like you said, the word limit was really restrictive on my story... at one point it was 19000 words, i went a bit overboard.

Out of Order- Read your story. It's very funny, I was constantly chuckling. I didn't quite get some aspects of it, like I never really understood how it all connected to vampires but this didn't impede much on my enjoyment.

Yeah, the whole vampire thing was a bit obscure, it just gave me the basis for the characters in my story, and later it became secondary.


thanks again!

 

[gorgo31]

Here's mine guys, tell me what you think...

This was bizarre; a seemingly straightforward slice of teenage life and cliched relationships staged in a really peculiar manner. On the one hand, you state you wanted to present "hyper-realism" and yet on the other, you have employed such a strange theatrical device as the balls and velcro. I have to say I initially found your presentation bemusing (though I found the troupe idea original), and ultimately, your reflection statement could only superficially justify the importance of these props as a dramatic gimmick. While I think that I understand what you were trying to do, in terms of powerplay and game-playing between characters, I found this ineffective.

Your dialogue was generally good and to an extent it captured the essence of teenagers. But as I ranted in another thread, while the "write what you know" aspect of English Extension 2 is a good starting point, the examiners expect you to move beyond that with ongoing investigation and textual exploration. Your key concept, that being power dynamics and game playing, was poorly investigated - if you had researched a broader range of books, more plays (Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? immediately springs to mind) the scriptwriting craft and maybe even philosopers, you may well have experimented more with different characterisation and storytelling techniques. While it is good to have your memories as a basis, these are not sufficient investigation, in my opinion, for the core of a major work.

Overall, your play for me fell short, but it had some really interesting elements.

 

[enigma~]

Thanks Sweets

Arvin: I used the normal big fat laser-jet printer at school, because our possessive Art staffroom refused to let me use their special photo printer! It ended up looking OK - not as good as digitally, or glossy photo quality, but OK. Glad you liked them

Enigma: Just read yours, and I'm impressed. Lots of interesting relationship dynamics and criminal influences, and I could really see the film noir coming through! Setting was utilised cleverly, and most of your images were solid and effective. Your screenplay writing style is excellent, but I think some of the dialogue was perhaps hammed up perhaps too far. All in all, it was a solid piece of Crime Fiction. Incidentally, have you read the other posted screenplays? I think everyone's done Crime Fiction this year!

thanks for that feedback i knew the dialogue was mushy but hey
is your script posted up? i think i'll have a read of that too...
oh and yes...i think everyone had the same idea to do cf

 

[crazyhomo]

My short story. Can't find my final copy or my final RS on this computer, but these are close enough.

I'd love some feedback.... anything please!

twas a good story. i'm a bit torn between how much i liked it. i thought it was funny and well-written for the most part. i could really see the discworld influence in there, which i liked. BUT i do think you were trying to do to much within the space you were giving. you've already said you had to cut it down considerably, and it shows. the plot moves too quickly, and much of the mechanics of this world are brush over, so i really felt like i was missing out on much of what was going on. basically, i wish you'd been able to use more words, because i just really felt it didn't work that well in this shortened version. shame

 

[Götterfunken]

I’m currently in the process of turning all of them to pdf format (which, for reading, is better then just leaving it in Word’s .doc format, plus it looks more professional!). When I’m done I put them up on some webspace, and we will have a BoS anthology to impress future generations!

If you haven’t posted yours please do so, or if you have posted your MW but not your RS please also post that. Also if you’ve posted an incomplete version (missing a title page, or perhaps an early draft) please also post that.

If you have trouble posting it, please feel free to email me at: bendummett+bosmwproject@gmail.com

It should be quite an impressive collection when it’s all done — from what I’ve read this year seems to be the best yet!

 

[Kutar Maggi]

Alright here ya go guys. Its an anthology of short stories, based around and within the dystopian genre. wondering if a copule of people can read it (if not all, like 1 or 2 stories cause each is like 5 pages) and give me some feed back. recomended read is Crimson Crayons/Sanctuary and Black and White



ENJOY

 

[rcandelori]

i like ur honesty.....can u read mine and tell me how it was? pls.....

Sure, but don't expect me to be nice - if it is crap, I'm going to say it is.

 

[MoonlightSonata]

Sure, but don't expect me to be nice - if it is crap, I'm going to say it is.

For all your expression you have absolutely no tact.

If you want to be critical, why not make it constructive rather than just insult people?

 

[courtnez]

So shall we just get back to the nicer ways of this thread which involved the joyous activity of reading and constructive reviewing?

 

[jhakka]

Any posts that criticise a work in any manner but a constructive one will be deleted on sight.

rcandelori, perhaps you should take crazyhomo's example, as when he dislikes a work, he says so in a polite and constructive manner. No one appreciates being told that their work is crap, and if that is your opinion of those that have been posted here, please keep it to yourself unless you wish to express your distate for a work in a manner more appropriate to the forum. Nobody likes a troll.

If you have any issues, please notify me via PM.

Have a nice day.

 

[Kutar Maggi]

feel free to reply here or pm me guys

 

[rachael230]

hey... lots of posts just got deleted. maybe mine will be as it isnt really relevant to the thread. eh. i enjoyed reading the very very pretentious arguments... they made me laugh.
im scared of posting my own major work now. i dont know how you guys can stand to read other peoples and get criticism for yours. i want mine to die... so sick of it.

 

[Kutar Maggi]

Ok, here's mine people. It's a theatre script. I tried to reformat it for size, but I ended up finding free hostage elsewhere. All criticism, as degrading as you like, is completely welcome.

<a href="http://home.ripway.com/2005-8/404084/AFormalFeelingComeswithReflectionStatement.zip">A Formal Feeling Comes with Reflection Statement</a>

Edit: Forgot to mention, I took all the photos myself

lovin it........sorry i can't comment any more but im not really an analyst and dont want to go on about crap i don't know. but ur research is top classs

 

[courtnez]

re: A Formal Feeling Comes by gorgo31 [link to original post]

During my first reading of your play, I was already thoroughly impressed... and upon reading your Reflection Statement, I felt that I was able to gain even more valuable insight into your piece and it was lovely to be able to understand your creative process. One of the great things about your piece, to echo Sweets, was that it seemed very "real" - something that I understand you endeavoured to achieve from my reading your RS. Theatrically, I think this would be a very interesting piece to develop on stage with the texture of costuming, lights etc. to heighten this already impressive text. (I actually thought of Belvoir before I got to your RS!) The photographs you used to indicate a shift to the next part of the stage were also relevant to the piece and enhanced the visual pleasure of reading it. Your approach to the topic of death and grieving was tactful and well done, each character was well formed and realistic - I could see them rise from the page and form, fully fleshed, in my mind's eye

I'm sorry I'm not able to give more in depth crit regarding your MW, however I really must say that I'm glad that I've been able to read it. It's truly an excellent piece of work.
A++!

 

[Dreamerish*~]

Here's my (aka James/Airness') story

It's called "A Shed of One's Own" and it's a transformation of Virginia Woolf's "A Room of One's Own".