Best+Worst of Teacher Quotes and Habits (3 Viewers)

[b00m]

In Design and Technology:

" Put your Floppy Dick in the....."
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A classic one from our maths teacher (students were nuggeting each other's pencil cases and school bags[or flipping them inside out])

Teacher: "If anyone nuggets another pencil case, i will call the POLICE!"
whole Class: bahahahahahahahaha (we all drop onto the floor laughing)
Teacher: "No.. i'm serious"

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Science Teacher: "YOU ARE ALL HOMO"

 

[selablad]

On grade 11 camp: our physics teacher walked into our cabin to tell us to go to bed, and saw we were eating lolly snakes. We offered her one, and she started talking about how she used to be really good at tying knots in them with her tongue - so we dared her to do it. After struggling for a few minutes, she finally managed, and pulled out the snake and said suggestively "you think that's good, you should see how good I am at kissing"

Another time we were sitting around at lunchtime, talking about masturbation. My friend got a bit heated and yelled out "geez guys, it's not like it's a sexual deviation, everybody masturbates these days!". Just then my biology teacher walked past, heard her yelling, and gave us this lecture on how masturbation is totally normal, and it only counts as a sexual deviation if there's vampires involved...

 

[Brontecat]

not rlly funny but my english teacher loves to tell our year 10 class how we're old enough to "make babies" so we should just leave school if we want

 

[rubificticious]

In Design and Technology:

" Put your Floppy Dick in the....."
------

A classic one from our maths teacher (students were nuggeting each other's pencil cases and school bags[or flipping them inside out])

Teacher: "If anyone nuggets another pencil case, i will call the POLICE!"
whole Class: bahahahahahahahaha (we all drop onto the floor laughing)
Teacher: "No.. i'm serious"

-------

Science Teacher: "YOU ARE ALL HOMO"

you still use floppy disks?

 

[Ms. BRIGHTSIDE]

On grade 11 camp: our physics teacher walked into our cabin to tell us to go to bed, and saw we were eating lolly snakes. We offered her one, and she started talking about how she used to be really good at tying knots in them with her tongue - so we dared her to do it. After struggling for a few minutes, she finally managed, and pulled out the snake and said suggestively "you think that's good, you should see how good I am at kissing"

Another time we were sitting around at lunchtime, talking about masturbation. My friend got a bit heated and yelled out "geez guys, it's not like it's a sexual deviation, everybody masturbates these days!". Just then my biology teacher walked past, heard her yelling, and gave us this lecture on how masturbation is totally normal, and it only counts as a sexual deviation if there's vampires involved...

That sexplains the av.

 

[Crashy19]

teacher: im hip with all the bands these days. Foo Fighters, Mother Wolf

 

[Tulii]

My PE teacher has a lisp, and she sometimes drools.

One time I was asking for help in an exam and she came over and she drooled on my paper. She cracked up and at lunch time everyone wanted to know what she was laughing at and I'm just like "She um, drooled on my paper"

So yeah, I still get reminded of it too this day.

 

[Cinnamonster]

Best substitue teacher quote ever:
"We are all born from the bellies of stars!"
Of course it has to be said all serious and dramatic and you need to wave your arms around a bit like the way he said it otherwise it's not that funny.

 

[simmowrites]

I remember we had this heeaps old teacher for business who would forget she had our classes all the time.
Anyway, we had her this one lesson, and she walked out of the classroom to photocopy something and so someone stole her keys and hung them from the fan. She walked back in and didn't even notice. The fans were on low so for about 30 minutes there were these keys (they were on a chain) spinning round on the fan. Being a smartass one of the boys asked her to turn the fans up coz it was getting hot. She turned them onto "high" and so these keys are spinning round and round, faster and faster. The whole class is in hysterics because she still hadn't noticed. After about 2 minutes, they slipped off the fan and smashed into the blackboard and missed her head by about a millimetre. Maybe it was one of those "you had to be there" moments, but it was one of the funniest moments ever.

 

[d3vilz]

^^^lol

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my sor teacher went schizzo and nearly flipped the table on my friend cos we (the entire class) were mucking around with the dvd, she later cried and we had a lecture

 

[jessiekg14]

In maths when our teacher was (very seriously) explaining what different functions look like on graphs:

"So you can just have a straight root, a bouncy root, or a kinky root"

If you don't get it, draw y=x, y=x^2, y=x^3 and then it'll make a bit more sense.

 

[BROCK-08]

My Music teacher at my old school said to my all boys music class,

"So who here likes FourPlay?" We all took it wrong but its actually a String quartet.

 

[Timothy.Siu]

In maths when our teacher was (very seriously) explaining what different functions look like on graphs:

"So you can just have a straight root, a bouncy root, or a kinky root"

If you don't get it, draw y=x, y=x^2, y=x^3 and then it'll make a bit more sense.

well, for polys
our teacher told us that e.g. y=(x-2)(x-1)^2(x-3)^3
the (x-1)^2 kisses the x-axis and the (x-2) and (x-3)^3 penetrates

 

[MHSoR Student]

Physics teacher: 1/4 + 1/4 = 2/8.

 

[raisondetre]

Maths Teacher: Aiyahhh, your maths is so yucky. (to friend)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friend: You're an error (reference to a calculator error)
Bio Teacher: I'd say you're an error but no one can make an error that big.

 

[kara42]

This thread is the best!
I can only think of a couple of gay ones, I'll add more when I remember them though.

The deputy head always makes "jokes" such as when it's Friday he'll say "you guys have been so good, now you can have two days off!"
He thinks he's hilarious.

Student: *writes "BULLSHIT" on the board in attempt to be like Jonah*
Teacher: No no, take it down. If another teacher walks past I am in MASSIVE shit.

*Getting Maths results back*
Student#1: Did I fail?
Teacher: Yes. But it's okay, it was expected from you.
Student#2: Oh... I did shit. I'm going to cry.
Teacher: Yes you did, and yes you should.

Our general maths teacher (same teacher as above) can NOT stand the word "crap."
Student#1: This work is SHIT.
Teacher: ...
Student#2: This work is crap.
Teacher: NO!!!!!!! DON'T SAY THAT!!!!!!

Student#1: So you really think that CRAP is a worse word than SHIT?
Same teacher as above: Oh, it is!!! It really is, it's disgusting!!!
Student#2: What about FUCK, is that worse?
Teacher: No!!! There's only ONE word worse than that. Another C word.
Student#3: Does it start with C and end with UNT?
Teacher: Yes.

I'll think of more soon

 

[kara42]

[PDHPE]
Teacher: You can generally determine the health status of a country by their life expectancy. So if you went to like... Iraq, you could walk up to someone and be like "hey, what's your life expectancy?" and they'll be like "BANG!"
Class: *hysterics*
Teacher: HAHAHA no, wait, that's not what I meant.

The above teacher is the best, she does whatever it takes to help us remember what we're learning. We made a song to remember the Jakarta Declaration, we make hilarious acronyms for various things and she draws things on the board, such as:

Also, my Ancient History teacher would do ANYTHING to make me shut up...

 

[Sarah182]

Apparently in the Food Tech class two girls were insulting each other (jokingly) and:
Student: "Do you want to fight me?"
Teacher: "I'll get the jelly!"

 

[kara42]

^ HAHAHA I forgot about that.

Our English teacher's way of remembering how to spell Skrzynecki... "Some Kids Received Zero Yesterday... necki"

HAHA

 

[xXmuffin0manXx]

During English, a friend drew a penis in his book and the teacher saw and said, "Why do boys always draw their genitals in their books? It's not like girls draw their vaginas and breasts"