Belonging Thesis (3 Viewers)

[nikilily]

I hate belonging, the study of it that is.

I'm finding it really hard to get my thesis together this is what I have so far, any advice or help would be SOOOO much appreciated as I do have my english exam tomorrow:

"The concept of belonging deals with acceptance as well as dejection.The natural inner desire to belong is the driving force which causes us to group or associate ourselves with others who share similarities such as race, culture, social contexts, heritage etc. Ultimately grouping or associating ourselves to such things can also result in dejection which can shatter this desire to belong and hence, non conforming may seem more appealling".

The problems I have with this thesis is I'm not sure if using 'etc' will be frowned upon, I would add more to that list its just that I don't want to make my thesis too lengthy??

 

[ibrahimau]

A sense of belonging is a shared contribution between individuals and the society .Individual who wants to satisfy their desire to feel secure ,understood ,pleased and welcomed ,a society that wants an individual to meet their principles ,values and duties in order for an individual to belong .

 

[bored of sc]

Can I please get feedback on my thesis? any advice would be appreciated!

Certain values are intrinsic to one’s way of life, wherever it is lived. Will power, generosity, mutuality, balance, and a warmly reverent connection to the earth and others in it all carry an importance to a productive and satisfactory existence. They are the values of belonging, and have defined the human condition for as long as it has existed and will continue to do so. It is this connection and acceptance with particular people, groups or places that enable individuals to find the smallest, yet greatest fulfillment.


Also, how long roughly is everyone's essays? I was told max 1000 words to give yourself time to answer the question....Right now my essay is too long):

Sounds very good to me. Remember to continually evaluate the representation of belonging in the texts - this is the bulk of your essay. You need to focus on HOW (techniques) your interpretation of belonging is represented in and through your chosen texts.

It doesn't really matter how long it is as long as it is sustained. In my opinion, it should at least get to around 700 words. 1000 words is a good length (for me anyway). Other people will tell you to increase your word-count as more content can (but not necessarily) lead to more marks. 1500 words is pushing it since, at this length, you'd probably just be regurgitating a pre-learnt as quickly as possible (which is a horrible habit to get into). Give yourself time to think and calm yourself down. You'll only benefit from slowing yourself down a little.

In short, do what you feel most comfortable with. Have some leeway time e.g. 5-10 minutes, in case the examiners throw you a curve ball at you.

 

[Miscbrah]

Could i get some constructive criticism/feedback on my thesis please?

Belonging is a human condition in which we desire to attain comfort and security thus resulting in the perseverance of human existence. Belonging is a crucial part of human life as it provides an identity as well protection and reinforces self-confidence within individuals. The desire for belonging rests among the will and avoidance of loneliness and alienation.

 

[mty10]

I'm the first lot of the 2013 Kids in this thread I think! Anyways, this is what I have:
To belong is the foundation of all human interaction, and all societal function is based of it, and we all belong whether, in one way or another.

What am I getting at? Let’s break it down.

Aiming to achieve, and the achievement of having the proper qualifications, especially social qualifications, to be a member of a group, and then acceptance and assimilation into this group, is the basis for all human interaction, and because of this all of society is based off this idea and the way we as humans work. Central to this concept is this idea that belonging can be up-scaled – two people gather more, until they become a community. This community belongs with other communities, weather by philosophy, race or geography. This whole idea expands and expands until we begin talking about groups of countries and races. This idea impacts our entire view of society and cultural interaction, because if every action we take defines who we are, it also defines where and how we belong.

Thoughts?

 

[LoveHateSchool]

I'm the first lot of the 2013 Kids in this thread I think! Anyways, this is what I have:
To belong is the foundation of all human interaction, and all societal function is based of it, and we all belong whether, in one way or another.

What am I getting at? Let’s break it down.

Aiming to achieve, and the achievement of having the proper qualifications, especially social qualifications, to be a member of a group, and then acceptance and assimilation into this group, is the basis for all human interaction, and because of this all of society is based off this idea and the way we as humans work. Central to this concept is this idea that belonging can be up-scaled – two people gather more, until they become a community. This community belongs with other communities, weather by philosophy, race or geography. This whole idea expands and expands until we begin talking about groups of countries and races. This idea impacts our entire view of society and cultural interaction, because if every action we take defines who we are, it also defines where and how we belong.

Thoughts?

Not a fan of the second part...and we all belong whether, in one way or another.

It could severely limit yourself in a question as it doesn't make much concession for not belonging.

Also apart from the main thesis, you can come up with mini thesis which are like topic sentences/belonging insights for your texts.

 

[enoilgam]

I
Aiming to achieve, and the achievement of having the proper qualifications, especially social qualifications, to be a member of a group, and then acceptance and assimilation into this group, is the basis for all human interaction, and because of this all of society is based off this idea and the way we as humans work. Central to this concept is this idea that belonging can be up-scaled – two people gather more, until they become a community. This community belongs with other communities, weather by philosophy, race or geography. This whole idea expands and expands until we begin talking about groups of countries and races. This idea impacts our entire view of society and cultural interaction, because if every action we take defines who we are, it also defines where and how we belong.

Since english isnt my forté I wont really comment on content, but the way it is written needs work. The whole first sentence is way too long at 55 words and as a result, it doesnt really convey your ideas well. In the last two sentences, you start them with similar phrases ("This whole idea" and "This idea"), which kind of reduces the sophistication. Also, try to use more formal language and phrasing, e.g. "up-scaling" and "expands and expands" are really informal.

 

[elissajean]

It's not likely that you're going to get an appropriate thesis on the BOS forum without us knowing the texts and your dominant arguments. A lot of these theses are okay, but many are too 'flowery' and lack focus, or they're just too long. Do you have an example of the thesis you were thinking of working on? If you'd like I'm happy to have a look a it for free if you pm me. I'm an HSC editor. English is kind of my thing.

 

[elissajean]

i want to base my thesis around ideas that to belong you must have shared experience, understanding and can relate to that particular group / society.

how can i phrase that properly?

You could argue that in order for an individual to belong to a group/culture/society they must conform to the values and requirements of that group. As this requires a shared understanding (which comes from experience), lack of understanding could be viewed as a significant barrier to belonging.

^ That wasn't a thesis, but could easily be formed into a thesis if that is the argument you were going for.

 

[elissajean]

I'm the first lot of the 2013 Kids in this thread I think! Anyways, this is what I have:
To belong is the foundation of all human interaction, and all societal function is based of it, and we all belong whether, in one way or another.

What am I getting at? Let’s break it down.

Aiming to achieve, and the achievement of having the proper qualifications, especially social qualifications, to be a member of a group, and then acceptance and assimilation into this group, is the basis for all human interaction, and because of this all of society is based off this idea and the way we as humans work. Central to this concept is this idea that belonging can be up-scaled – two people gather more, until they become a community. This community belongs with other communities, weather by philosophy, race or geography. This whole idea expands and expands until we begin talking about groups of countries and races. This idea impacts our entire view of society and cultural interaction, because if every action we take defines who we are, it also defines where and how we belong.

Thoughts?

I'm glad to see students working on their own thesis statements outside of school - sometimes I have students come to me a matter of weeks before the HSC exam without even a single thesis statement to work with! I can see the message you're trying to get across in this thesis statement, but it definitely needs work. Try reading it out loud - this should help you to see where you need to improve punctuation. Without knowing your texts and how you'd argue the point it is difficult to comment on the quality of the thesis... However, I would consider changing it. You need to clarify your ideas and condense your argument. In all honesty I don't think your thesis statement would provide the basis for a top-range essay response. Have you had your teacher look at it yet?

 

[ando08182]

Thank god. Recent posts! If anyone could give me feedback on this thesis it would be great! I fear its a little too long but anyway...


The desire to belong is an inevitable aspect of the human condition, that relies on an individuals perception of affiliation to people or places. An individuals perception is shaped by past and present experiences attitudes and circumstances, and it’s how these particular experiences, attitudes and circumstances affect an individuals life, that determines whether that individual belongs or doesn’t belong.

My material is Skrzynecki's poems (unfortunately) and the film "into the wild"

Cheers.

 

[Absolutezero]

Thank god. Recent posts! If anyone could give me feedback on this thesis it would be great! I fear its a little too long but anyway...


The desire to belong is an inevitable aspect of the human condition, that relies on an individuals perception of affiliation to people or places. An individuals perception is shaped by past and present experiences attitudes and circumstances, and it’s how these particular experiences, attitudes and circumstances affect an individuals life, that determines whether that individual belongs or doesn’t belong.

My material is Skrzynecki's poems (unfortunately) and the film "into the wild"

Cheers.

Purely in terms of tightening it:

The desire to belong is an essential part of the human condition that relies on connections to people, places, and ideas. Individuals are shaped by their experiences, attitudes and circumstances, and it is how these affect an individuals life that determines whether they belongs.

It's very broad. For an essay, you'd ideally want to narrow it down to be more specific to the actual question.

 

[ando08182]

Purely in terms of tightening it:

The desire to belong is an essential part of the human condition that relies on connections to people, places, and ideas. Individuals are shaped by their experiences, attitudes and circumstances, and it is how these affect an individuals life that determines whether they belongs.

It's very broad. For an essay, you'd ideally want to narrow it down to be more specific to the actual question.

Its for a speech with a visual representation so i don't know whether that changes anything? I just want to make sure its punchy a defines my argument clearly. The speech is 4 minutes so yeah not a lot of time really.

 

[Absolutezero]

Doesn't change too much in terms of a thesis. For a general approach to the topic of belonging, it works. The version I've rewritten is tighter in terms of expression.

 

[ando08182]

Doesn't change too much in terms of a thesis. For a general approach to the topic of belonging, it works. The version I've rewritten is tighter in terms of expression.

Cheers thanks a lot

 

[ando08182]

My other issue how I introduce my concepts of belonging into my introduction? Can anyone give any insight into that? I tend to think about this stuff too much and then get stuck :/ It would be really appreciated

 

[Absolutezero]

My other issue how I introduce my concepts of belonging into my introduction? Can anyone give any insight into that? I tend to think about this stuff too much and then get stuck :/ It would be really appreciated

You can do it when you introduce your texts. E.g. In [text 1] the protagonists belongs to his community and learns to accept himself through this.

That's poorly worded but you should get the idea.

 

[ando08182]

You can do it when you introduce your texts. E.g. In [text 1] the protagonists belongs to his community and learns to accept himself through this.

That's poorly worded but you should get the idea.

So then link this concept back to the question, and then start your next "concept" in your next paragraph after you have compared your two texts?

 

[ando08182]

Or I should say aspects of the concept of belonging...

 

[Absolutezero]

Your intro should summarise every aspect you are going to talk about, as well as state your argument that links everything together that answers the question.

Then each paragraph will start with one of the aspects you mentioned in your intro.