Any Advice For An Athiest In The Closet? (1 Viewer)

[eja2000]

My family are all extremely religious Christians who are opposed to the idea that I might have any views different to those that they hold. Bordering on stereotypical religious extremists with their unquestioning following of the bible, specifically regarding homosexuality, etc..

Don't get me wrong, my parents are wonderful people whom I love and whom continue to support me throughout my education. The problem that I have is that they refuse to accept that I am not religious, and I tend to come along with them to church and just "go with the flow" in order not to be the black sheep in the family. If I don't, they tend to get quite upset with me and engage in emotional blackmail.

What would the best way for me to deal with this situation be? I've tried to sit down and talk to them about it before, but I always get shouted down and then they get upset.

 

[SnowFox]

How old are you.
?

 

[SnowFox]

He/she isnt having a problem understanding religion, they're simply not believing in it.

 

[Alexis Texas]

when you say in the closet do you mean you are an atheist and also gay (i'm asking because you specifically mentioned homophobia)

just tell them what are they going to do?

 

[Dash8]

Just tell them that you aren't religious and they have to deal with it.....it's your life not theirs. Or you could possibly go along with it until you move out of home. It's a shame that you have to deal with that...your family should just accept you and your beliefs. I would be furious if my family was like that...

 

[Absolutezero]

If there is at all the possibility of being kicked out of home, just go along with your parents. You don't have to believe what they believe, but honestly, declaring your lack of belief is not worth the consequences. If this is not a threat (and similar don't exist), then you should be able to sit down with them rationally and talk it through. Ensure you don't treat it as an affront to them, but rather, something you've considered and that currently feels right for you. Also consider less blatant language for the time being; religious skeptic, agnostic, freethinker, secular humanist etc. all have similar but less direct meanings and associations.

 

[enak101]

If there is at all the possibility of being kicked out of home, just go along with your parents. You don't have to believe what they believe, but honestly, declaring your lack of belief is not worth the consequences. If this is not a threat (and similar don't exist), then you should be able to sit down with them rationally and talk it through. Ensure you don't treat it as an affront to them, but rather, something you've considered and that currently feels right for you. Also consider less blatant language for the time being; religious skeptic, agnostic, freethinker, secular humanist etc. all have similar but less direct meanings and associations.

Yeah, if they are just insane don't worry about it and live life as you have been doing. Good advice here.

 

[moll.]

Just stand up to their emotional blackmail? They're not actually going to hate you. They're just trying to get you come back into the fold using the most primitive and childish method imaginable.

 

[eja2000]

How old are you.
?

18. Just finished HighSchool, going to University next year.

 

[eja2000]

when you say in the closet do you mean you are an atheist and also gay (i'm asking because you specifically mentioned homophobia)

just tell them what are they going to do?

Yes and yes. They're extremely homophobic..Stereotypical Christian fundamentalists, see.

 

[Dr.Dan]

Any advice? Don't bring it up on the most religious day of the year, tomorrow.

 

[Riproot]

Yes and yes. They're extremely homophobic..Stereotypical Christian fundamentalists, see.

I would probably stab them in their sleep.

I just really hate it when Christians say being gay is a sin.
According to my god, me, you not shutting the fuck up is a sin. ^_^

 

[Alexis Texas]

haha oh man i would just tell them and see what happens

if they don't accept you for who you are then they are not your family, they do not care about you for who you are.

if they disown you you can go to centrelink and, regardless of their income, you can claim independence by emancipating yourself from them and get a bunch of government money and move in to a uni share house (seriously, i moved out when i was 17 and it is probably the best decision i ever made)

obviously i didn't have to endure the emotional turmoil associated with being estranged from my family but tbh if they cannot accept you for who you are then, as hard as it may be, I would just move on.

There is just no reasoning with religious fundamentalists, but maybe if it is their own son it won't affect them as much

idk i am rambling

but seriously you are doing yourself more harm than good hiding who you really are and telling them the truth is probably a risk you will regret not taking.

 

[Riproot]

haha oh man i would just tell them and see what happens

if they don't accept you for who you are then they are not your family, they do not care about you for who you are.

if they disown you you can go to centrelink and, regardless of their income, you can claim independence by emancipating yourself from them and get a bunch of government money and move in to a uni share house (seriously, i moved out when i was 17 and it is probably the best decision i ever made)

obviously i didn't have to endure the emotional turmoil associated with being estranged from my family but tbh if they cannot accept you for who you are then, as hard as it may be, I would just move on.

There is just no reasoning with religious fundamentalists, but maybe if it is their own son it won't affect them as much

idk i am rambling

but seriously you are doing yourself more harm than good hiding who you really are and telling them the truth is probably a risk you will regret not taking.

do all of this

On Xmas.

They can't kick you out on JCs BDay and it'll give you a chance to get your shit together and ready to move.

 

[moll.]

This is their theological basis for hating gays:

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/gay/long.htm

And for being intolerant towards others (including athiests):

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/int/long.html

Learn both lists well. Especially the homosexuality one. But here's a list of nice things the bible says:

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/good/long.html

All of which could be used by you to get them to accept something which they do not understand and hence fear.

 

[Alexis Texas]

to be honest i cannot be bothered to read any of those links i just think organised religion is hate fuelled and the worst

but this is not a religion hate thread so

 

[Riproot]

This is their theological basis for hating gays:

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/gay/long.htm

And for being intolerant towards others (including athiests):

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/int/long.html

Learn both lists well. Especially the homosexuality one. But here's a list of nice things the bible says:

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/good/long.html

All of which could be used by you to get them to accept something which they do not understand and hence fear.

"Do not oppress one another." Levitcus: 25:17

Probably the only line anyone needs.

 

[moll.]

to be honest i cannot be bothered to read any of those links i just think organised religion is hate fuelled and the worst

but this is not a religion hate thread so

Figured it's probably more constructive for him to turn the argument around on the parents and talk to them about how they are betraying their own (selective) beliefs by being intolerant, rather than him just telling them that their religion is stupid (even though it is).

 

[J18134]

to be honest i cannot be bothered to read any of those links i just think organised religion is hate fuelled and the worst

but this is not a religion hate thread so

Moderate religious people have a great sense of family and community and good values. Extremists give the moderates a bad mix.

In regards to the OP, just tell your parents the truth as hard as it may and be explain to them how your understand how hard it must for them to accept this but part of being family is overcoming obstacles together. Something that is heartfelt and acknowledges that you understand it is tough for them will go a long way.

 

[enoilgam]

Figured it's probably more constructive for him to turn the argument around on the parents and talk to them about how they are betraying their own (selective) beliefs by being intolerant, rather than him just telling them that their religion is stupid (even though it is).

Whilst I agree with what you have said, I think some people use religion to justify their own bigotry. I dont know if the religious argument would work.