A quick question.... (1 Viewer)

[kate126]

hey everyone, i hope you are all going well on your hsc.

just a question tho, i have a pop and he has cancer and that and he doesnt have long to live.

i dont get to see him much due to him being in another town, but when i do see him, i dont know what i can talk about. he doesnt know hes dieing because he has dementia due to his cancer as well....

so does anyone know what you would do in this situation, because it may be the last time i see him, and i dont wanna just sit with them like i usually do, our family hasnt been real close with him.

thanks... any help would be great!!

katexxx

 

[scissor]

Hey, I don't have much experience in this situation, but I have visited elderly people who are quite ill, and I know that even though I didn't know them, I was pretty apprehensive. It's easy to get worried about saying the wrong thing, or not saying something meaningful enough, especially when you know that they don't have much time left. My advice would be to just go there and see what happens- even though it might be a bit weird at first, people just want the same things, really. Talk like they are a friend and not someone older than you, and you might find that really opens things up.

As well as that, sometimes asking about the past can offer a real chance for people to relive their happier moments and for you to learn something about their life before you. I know this has often been the best question to ask my grandparents- it has led to some amazing conversations.

That being said, if your pop doesn't see you often, he's probably going to just be so happy that you're all there with him. Even if you can't think of much to say, I'm sure his company will mean more to him than you can possibly imagine. So don't worry. I hope it all goes really well for you and your family.

 

[SOPHIE.]

hey kate.
in december 2007 my grandmother passed away from cancer. she suffered from alzheimers disease for about 8 years, and in the final 2 years it was pretty terrible - the dementia had advanced incredibly... she had no idea who she was, where she was, and who we were. so i kind of can appreciate what you & your family are going through.

try to avoid asking about the past. it can cause great distress and anxiety when they are unable to recall things. it actually depends on how advanced your pop's dementia is, though. if it is bad then i think its best to avoid any of that.

my advice is just be there. i know it sounds lame, but it really is the best thing you can do. imagine yourself in his position: would you rather be alone, or be surrounded by family? even if you were never that close.
bring him something that might be of comfort to him - do you know what he likes/liked? hobbies/interests?
you could even try talking to him about yourself -what your plans are post school, etc. gives a sense of...a future. life. idk.

hope everything is okay and your family is coping...

x

 

[E-Dog]

My grandad had really bad dementia for the past six years of his life which grew rapidly worse, until last year he passed away in a home. He was always really distant, and since he died, I've always regretted not the fact that he died, but more so the fact that I missed out on the chance of knowing him. From the stories I heard at his funeral and wake, and from what my dad told me, he was a really great guy, and if my dad (his son) is anything to judge off, then he would have been a fantastic grandparent. Even if you just ask him how he's going, what he's been up to, what happened yesterday etc, or what his childhood was like, or something, it'll help you, him and your family. Good Luck.

 

[K8i454]

my great nana has had dementia since i was about 14, and im near 18 now.. she lived on her own in a flat for a few years after it started and my nan would go and visit to check on her and sometimes id go with her...
theres not much to do other than try and enjoy the time you spend with them. appreciate the little things... like great nana used to love feeding the birds everyday even if they never came and used to play with her dolls all the time for company, loneliness is a huge factor sometimes and you prob know yourself older ppl love extra company.. act interested in their stories even if they have told you the same thing ten times in the past twenty minutes, chiche, but patience is a virtue... take each day as it comes.. the good with the bad.. there is alot of heartache but you can still learn alot from them even while theyre sick...

hope this helps. sorry if it doesnt.

xx goodluck

 

[knots&crosses]

Hey. It seems that many grandparents do have dementia which is really sad. My grandpa had arthritis for a few years and got dementia within three days of his passing. He lived in a different country and we had planned a visit that December, but he died two weeks beforehand. I wish i was there, and as someone said above, the best thing you can do is be there with him... You dont have to say anything special, or make it a moment. I am sure that your heart rather than words will make an impact. I know its sounds really corny, but i'm beginnig to tear up.

I wish you and your family all the best.

 

[kate126]

hey everyone, i just wanted to say a big thankyou for all your comments. they have really helped belive me, i finish my exams this friday so after i think im gonna go down and see him. also with his dementia thing its not heaps heaps bad, like he still knows who we are and all, so thats good, but hes had it from just before his last cancer about 2 yrs ago. so, yer i think he may remember stuff, my pops the one to tell stories i think. you all have been very helpful and thanks again .

its not just the cancer, but from this cancer he is also getting stroke quiet often which is heaps scary! app he has good days and bad days, so im hoping i pick the good...

also thanks for the support towards my family as well, dad just saw him over the past week which was good ....

catchya kate xx