MedVision ad

2023 HSC chat (11 Viewers)

SadCeliac

done hsc yay
Joined
Sep 23, 2021
Messages
2,516
Location
Sydney <3
Gender
Male
HSC
2023
sorry I got home just now I'll look through it

again as stated above, much better thesis but it can be simplified as I do get convoluted vibes from it, especially the revealing bit - probably shorten it by saying '...insights on the decaying Modernist world -> revealing the devastating impact of deteriorating spirituality on individual perceptions of purpose' or smth.

right off the bat your intro is way too long, it shouldn't be more than ~120 words and a quick copy paste into a word counter shows it's close to 200. again, this is more of a convoluted intro problem which can be resolved by simplifying a few things. first off, combine the ideas of your first two sentences. since u need to address the q you might need to remove the reveal thing and frame your thesis around the q (ie. Comparing the changes in style and form in Eliot's poetry reveals valuable insights on_____). The following sentence should say smth like introducing the texts, then after that a link.

you are putting way too much in introducing the text, which contributes to your word count. Your intro should be brief and concise, you can lose marks for having a too long and convoluted intro as the marker can get lost in trying to understand what you are saying. you do not need to introduce any context or background when introducing your texts (eg. Post-WWI depression) unless it's explicitly stated; in your case I'd say just introduce the ideas and expand on the wider context in your paragraphs. Your second sentence should discuss this transformation - one poem has this idea, while this one has this, then that one has that. stick solely to the barebones idea in ur thesis. when u say they present stark differences on spirituality, u don't need that - it's implied in the thesis, all u need to do is identify and express the differences. and with the deep existential qs - what deep existential qs, don't be super super vague

also this might be a me problem cos idk eliot that well but is it fine for u to only do two poems?? if ur framing ur arguments around one poem each I'd do three (though i'd go for a wider range of poems - maybe 2 per para - to frame your arguments around a proper idea, and thus you understand textual integrity, in that you understand these poems arent just isolated examples but work together to create meaning)

I'm on phone rn so I might not have caught everything, if u need clarification feel free to lmk
Tysmmm
I'm gonna change it to three poems probably as that does make more sense and it's what I did for trials lol
 

tripin

Active Member
Joined
Mar 11, 2023
Messages
83
Gender
Male
HSC
2023
I graduated today too. A bit of a bittersweet feeling and I feel sadder/more pensive than I thought I would but that's that
 

breadcrumbs

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 2, 2023
Messages
201
Gender
Female
HSC
2023
just took my last after school nap ever :D grad tmrwwww guys i think im gonna cry during the ceremony tmrw
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 11)

Top