Too formulaic (1 Viewer)

[supR]

Hey guys,

I've recently been getting feedback from my English teacher about my discovery essay (We have an exam next thursday) describing my work as "Too formulaic," and that I lack fluidity and flow. She feels as though I hold too tightly to MESL (Or PEEL, TEEL, whatevs you guys call it) and that deducts from the sophistication of my answer. Apparently I was much better at the end of yr 11 (Got 19/20 for comparative essay) but upon reading my previous essays I don't see how.

Is there any tips to fix this? I can send an example of one of my paragraphs if that'll help.

 

[pikachu975]

Yeah don't stick to those structures too much. Honestly I didn't even think about them while writing I just thought 3 quotes + analyses each paragraph with a topic sentence and concluding sentence.

You gotta make it flow e.g. "Guevara's new emotional discovery is revealed ..... bla bla. This emotion is furthered in the metaphor..." like link your sentences. Or you can use "Furthermore", "This is furthered/reinforced/strengthened", "In addition", "However".

 

[highshill]

Yeah don't stick to those structures too much. Honestly I didn't even think about them while writing I just thought 3 quotes + analyses each paragraph with a topic sentence and concluding sentence.

You gotta make it flow e.g. "Guevara's new emotional discovery is revealed ..... bla bla. This emotion is furthered in the metaphor..." like link your sentences. Or you can use "Furthermore", "This is furthered/reinforced/strengthened", "In addition", "However".

Yeah follow pikachu's advice and best of luck on thursday

 

[30june2016]

Hey guys,

I've recently been getting feedback from my English teacher about my discovery essay (We have an exam next thursday) describing my work as "Too formulaic," and that I lack fluidity and flow. She feels as though I hold too tightly to MESL (Or PEEL, TEEL, whatevs you guys call it) and that deducts from the sophistication of my answer. Apparently I was much better at the end of yr 11 (Got 19/20 for comparative essay) but upon reading my previous essays I don't see how.

Is there any tips to fix this? I can send an example of one of my paragraphs if that'll help.

I've recently been trying to help out a few of my tutoring students with avoiding a 'shopping list' approach to TEEL etc sentences, and I think the best way to fix this is to go back to the point of these TEELs and understand them.

Your essay revolves around IDEAS that you are trying to explore, whilst the TEEL structure is there to merely support them.

So maybe try to structure your essay by focusing on the ideas, as well as the impact on the audience (most of the time, this is what people forget to elaborate on in analysis!!), rather than the technical aspects when editing.

e.g. -insert your usual TEEL sentence here-. The audience continues to engage with the transformative power of discoveries as they are bombarded with... -continue with 2nd TEEL sentence structure here-

As you can see, I focused on the idea rather than launching straight into the usual generic sentence, like Through characterising the persona with a sarcastic tone,
"WOW I REALLY LOVE ENGLISH!!!", the composer has evoked a sense of extreme hate idk can't think of a better example bc im half asleep but yolo

Also, you could try doing stuff like, 'Similar to Composer 1 (from your first text), Composer 2 (from related text) also...' etc etc
if you're super desperate to avoid a 'shopping list approach'

Also, as pikachu975 said, using connecting words like furthermore, this is reinforced in etc is a good idea too, except be careful with this - you have to be specific as to what exactly it is you're referring to - the idea you're attempting to explore in your essay.

Honestly, if you have a solid topic sentence with a clear idea of your argument, you could use it to check and stop yourself from being 'too formulaic'!!