Dealing with job rejections and bitterness? (1 Viewer)

[classicjimbo]

I just failed an interview for what was essentially the entry level position that would guarantee progression into my dream job. I've still got a year and a bit left of university and I've failed the 2 final round interviews I've gotten so far for student intern positions.

I've had a lot of difficulty mentally dealing with the rejection and bitterness after the interviews as well as embarrassing flashbacks from the interviews when I didn't communicate optimally which leave me unable to sleep or stay mentally relaxed.

I suppose my question is to the grads who know what this feels like and even the younger ones who've failed co-op/med/etc interviews:
How did you deal with it? (healthy/unhealthy idc I'd just like to know)
How do you prepare for job interviews or practice them so that you weren't wasting the rare real interviews by messing them up?

 

[enoilgam]

This is a good question and I've wanted to make a post on this for some time. With jobs getting more and more competitive, the vast majority of people will experience situations where they fail at interviews. People say you shouldnt take it personally, but I know that it is hard not to especially when you have been to an interview and met the people face-to-face. So feeling let down and bitter is normal, especially if it was your dream role (having been a former Med hopeful I know this better than anyone).

The best thing you can do is live to fight another day. When you get rejected, ask for some feedback in order to know where you need to improve. Also, you should be able to gauge some areas of improvement from the interview itself (i.e. self-review). Interviewing is definitely a skill which greatly improves over time with practice. I know these sound like generic answers, but that is really the reality of it. I do career counselling in my current role and people always come to me saying "Failing to get passed the interview has killed my confidence" and my response is this "Learn from the negatives of your performance, but let go of the negativity and embrace some of the positives".

Since I know who you are, I dont think you have too much to be worried about. You have a solid CV for someone at this point in their career and you have the opportunity to reapply for stuff next year as well. So, yes, it didnt work out this time, but live to fight another day because you do have quite a few opportunities left.

From a personal standpoint, like I said before, I failed to get into my dream career and I was bitter for a long time, as I had poured my heart and soul into it. But after a while, I began to see it as being more of a success, as I gained a lot from it in terms of personal development and a sense of pride in having put in my absolute best. I think that helped me much later as a graduate, as I was able to deal with the rejections much better. I got rejected from heaps of roles and some of the reasons I was given were really petty. Additionally, some of the roles I ended up getting werent what I wanted, so there was that dynamic as well. But ultimately, things worked out and the role I am in now was arguably the best out of all the roles for which I applied and was rejected.

 

[classicjimbo]

This is a good question and I've wanted to make a post on this for some time. With jobs getting more and more competitive, the vast majority of people will experience situations where they fail at interviews. People say you shouldn't take it personally, but I know that it is hard not to especially when you have been to an interview and met the people face-to-face. So feeling let down and bitter is normal, especially if it was your dream role (having been a former Med hopeful I know this better than anyone).

The best thing you can do is live to fight another day. When you get rejected, ask for some feedback in order to know where you need to improve. Also, you should be able to gauge some areas of improvement from the interview itself (i.e. self-review). Interviewing is definitely a skill which greatly improves over time with practice. I know these sound like generic answers, but that is really the reality of it. I do career counselling in my current role and people always come to me saying "Failing to get passed the interview has killed my confidence" and my response is this "Learn from the negatives of your performance, but let go of the negativity and embrace some of the positives".

thanks dude

 

[classicjimbo]

in terms of interviewing being a skill that improves with practice

is it just a memorisation thing?
like just rote learning your behavioural scenario questions better or are there other things you can do to improve as well? (for behavioural/competency based interviews that is I know that technical based wouldn't really apply haha)

 

[enoilgam]

in terms of interviewing being a skill that improves with practice

is it just a memorisation thing?
like just rote learning your behavioural scenario questions better or are there other things you can do to improve as well? (for behavioural/competency based interviews that is I know that technical based wouldn't really apply haha)

I'd say improving the quality of your behavioural question responses is more important than memorising them (you dont want to appear to be rattling off memorised answers). You need to have versatile scenarios which both portray you in a positive light and align with the skills/behaviours which the organisation is looking for (this requires strong research). Also, the way you respond to certain questions and even remarks can have an impact. Like, I remember when interviewers would comment on my grades (they rarely did) I would respond with "I was so surprised with my results". I said that once to a recruiter in a mock interview and she told me that was the wrong answer and I should say "Thankyou, I worked very hard for them". It seems petty, but in a 30 minute interview for a competitive role with 10 interviewees, every bit counts and my original answer showed a lack of confidence.

Also, a lot of interviewees dont give much thought to questions (I was so guilty of this). You should go into an interview with at least 5 good, well thought out questions (you only need to ask 2 or 3, but 5 sets you up in case some are answered during the interview). The point of asking questions is too demonstrate an interest in the role and industry. Try to ask questions which arent generic like "What's it like to work here" etc. I like to ask things like:

- What major projects is the team/business unit/organisation working on at the moment
- What are your thoughts on INSERT INDUSTRY ISSUE
- What will be the biggest challenge facing the successful applicant in this role
- What quality do you see as being the key to successfully approaching this role

Also, probably unrelated to graduates, but keeping abrest of in demand skills can also help. Like, when I started interviewing I didnt sell my Excel/Reporting skills because I didnt think they were as important as my strategic skills. However, in my industry, Excel/Reporting skills are in high demand and I started selling them much more in my later interviews (that helped me secure my current role).

 

[classicjimbo]

interesting

thanks mr HR man

 

[Crobat]

I'd say improving the quality of your behavioural question responses is more important than memorising them (you dont want to appear to be rattling off memorised answers). You need to have versatile scenarios which both portray you in a positive light and align with the skills/behaviours which the organisation is looking for (this requires strong research). Also, the way you respond to certain questions and even remarks can have an impact. Like, I remember when interviewers would comment on my grades (they rarely did) I would respond with "I was so surprised with my results". I said that once to a recruiter in a mock interview and she told me that was the wrong answer and I should say "Thankyou, I worked very hard for them". It seems petty, but in a 30 minute interview for a competitive role with 10 interviewees, every bit counts and my original answer showed a lack of confidence.

Also, a lot of interviewees dont give much thought to questions (I was so guilty of this). You should go into an interview with at least 5 good, well thought out questions (you only need to ask 2 or 3, but 5 sets you up in case some are answered during the interview). The point of asking questions is too demonstrate an interest in the role and industry. Try to ask questions which arent generic like "What's it like to work here" etc. I like to ask things like:

- What major projects is the team/business unit/organisation working on at the moment
- What are your thoughts on INSERT INDUSTRY ISSUE
- What will be the biggest challenge facing the successful applicant in this role
- What quality do you see as being the key to successfully approaching this role

Also, probably unrelated to graduates, but keeping abrest of in demand skills can also help. Like, when I started interviewing I didnt sell my Excel/Reporting skills because I didnt think they were as important as my strategic skills. However, in my industry, Excel/Reporting skills are in high demand and I started selling them much more in my later interviews (that helped me secure my current role).

I've always asked:

- What have passed people who have excelled in this role done/demonstrated?
- Where does this role have the potential to lead to in the future?

Tbh though I've only ever had 1 proper job interview and I got it (mostly because my mate vouched for me) so I don't know if either of those actually made a difference.

Also, please do a sticky for interviewing tips. It'd be great for everyone to learn from your knowledge

 

[neo o]

This isn't directed towards you OP, but more generally I think it's helpful to keep in mind the sunk cost fallacy. Considering how hard people work for their degrees, it's easy to get tunnel vision when you graduate, and feel alot of bitterness and disappointment if you miss out. Banging your head repeatedly against a brick wall isn't going to help, you need to stand back and consider other options. Sounds awfully trite I know, but it's something I see alot with later year uni students who've pinned the entirety of their hopes and aspirations on a very narrow path. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_costs

Personally I've always done better at less structured interviews. I've always found government and to a lesser extent graduate job interviews difficult because it's harder to develop a rapport with the interviewers since the questions are very narrow and limiting. Probably the funniest interview I've had was at a boutique law firm, where everyone started to visibly relax when we all started swearing (got the job, only interview I think I'll have for a long time where I get the job in spite of dropping an f bomb). At these smaller places I do think it's important to be very relaxed going into an interview, and develop a rapport with the people doing the interviewing, particularly if they're the people you're going to be working with. They aren't just looking for qualifications, they're looking for someone who is a good fit.

 

[Trebla]

For me, the first couple of rejections hurt a lot. However, since I applied for so many positions, I became almost densensitised to them when they kept coming because I had so many applications going (many of them being final rounds as well).

Btw there will be a workshop for improving your grad/intern/cadetships applications happening in early March. I would encourage people to come to this. Details to be released sometime in January.

 

[enoilgam]

I've always asked:

- What have passed people who have excelled in this role done/demonstrated?
- Where does this role have the potential to lead to in the future?

Both are very good questions - the first shows an interest in the role itself, whilst the second demonstrates that you are a "go getter" and someone who is going to go places within a business. It's a great question for graduate roles, but for some entry level roles, I would avoid asking it especially if the organisation wants a person to stay in that role for a while.

Tbh though I've only ever had 1 proper job interview and I got it (mostly because my mate vouched for me) so I don't know if either of those actually made a difference.

Also, please do a sticky for interviewing tips. It'd be great for everyone to learn from your knowledge

Honestly, I've failed at so many interviews I'd feel so underqualified in doing so. A colleague and I who do career counselling were both joking the other day how we are responsible for helping others get jobs despite the fact that we ourselves struggle. But on the other hand, I guess that is the market.

I do have a fact sheet at work I can post, but that's very basic and targetted at people who havent been for a job interview and need to know the very basics.

For me, the first couple of rejections hurt a lot. However, since I applied for so many positions, I became almost densensitised to them when they kept coming because I had so many applications going (many of them being final rounds as well).

Btw there will be a workshop for improving your grad/intern/cadetships applications happening in early March. I would encourage people to come to this. Details to be released sometime in January.

Definitely would recommend this - solely from a difficulty perspective, getting a full-time post-grad role was much harder than uni itself. So people should invest time into building their professional profile.

 

[Crobat]

Honestly, I've failed at so many interviews I'd feel so underqualified in doing so. A colleague and I who do career counselling were both joking the other day how we are responsible for helping others get jobs despite the fact that we ourselves struggle. But on the other hand, I guess that is the market.

tbh 4 beers down and i laughed harder than i should have at that

 

[enoilgam]

tbh 4 beers down and i laughed harder than i should have at that

Funny story. I had been rejected from a few roles because of my lack of research and my failure to really sell my skills. So I got an interview for this job I really wanted and I went all out researching the role and devising questions to ask etc. In the interview, I smashed all the questions, like it was one of my best interviews ever. At the end, the interviewer said to me "Well Enoilgam, I think you're an outstanding guy, but I think I speak on behalf of my colleague when I say that I think you may be too good for this job". I honestly wanted to throw myself out the window - that was the closest I came to giving up in my job search.

 

[seremify007]

There is a lot of great advice in this thread from the more experienced members on BoS.

For what it's worth, when I was applying for entry level positions in accounting, I was knocked back from two of the Big 4 firms- I didn't even get an interview despite all the "networking" events I had attended. This crushed my ego as I thought I had a pretty slick CV for someone my age and wondered was there something wrong, but after speaking to a few people, I came to better appreciate that getting a job isn't so much a "here's a quantitative criteria score which you have to beat in order to get the job" but rather, it's about the qualitative factors which make you a good fit for the organisation. That is, a rejection isn't so much that you have failed to make the cut but rather, for whatever reason, the interviewer(s) did not think it was the right choice. One interviewer whom I actually became friends with later on through industry networking actually mentioned to me the reason they didn't bother to offer me an interview was because they knew which of the big firms would definitely make me an offer that 'fit' me (and I'm still with that firm nearly 10 years later).

You mention the interviewers say you don't present optimally- is this based on what you're saying or a lack of clarity in how you communicate? At the end of the day, most roles involve you communicating with various parties and truth be told, not everyone wants to hear what you have to or need to say. It's vital that you're able to engage and communicate with impact so if need be, maybe consider attending a workshop to practice on your skills. Without getting into specifics, you'll need to ensure that what you're saying hits the mark, engages with the person you're speaking to, and they can understand you clearly.

General tip for other people though, always ask for feedback. I found this was a good way to get a quick one liner explaining what aspect of the interview may have left an adverse impression. Typically this is where interviewers will tell you something like your examples of situations did not adequately demonstrate a particular trait, or your qualifications may not have been as strong as the other candidates, etc.

 

[emilios]

This isn't directed towards you OP, but more generally I think it's helpful to keep in mind the sunk cost fallacy. Considering how hard people work for their degrees, it's easy to get tunnel vision when you graduate, and feel alot of bitterness and disappointment if you miss out. Banging your head repeatedly against a brick wall isn't going to help, you need to stand back and consider other options. Sounds awfully trite I know, but it's something I see alot with later year uni students who've pinned the entirety of their hopes and aspirations on a very narrow path. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_costs

Personally I've always done better at less structured interviews. I've always found government and to a lesser extent graduate job interviews difficult because it's harder to develop a rapport with the interviewers since the questions are very narrow and limiting. Probably the funniest interview I've had was at a boutique law firm, where everyone started to visibly relax when we all started swearing (got the job, only interview I think I'll have for a long time where I get the job in spite of dropping an f bomb). At these smaller places I do think it's important to be very relaxed going into an interview, and develop a rapport with the people doing the interviewing, particularly if they're the people you're going to be working with. They aren't just looking for qualifications, they're looking for someone who is a good fit.

mmm idk, i think what screwed me up in a big scholarship interview was that i was too casual. i mean, we did have great rapport, but the people that ended up getting the scholarship told me they maintained a professional feel. obviously i wasn't swearing, but there was like a solid 5 minutes where we were just talking about the beach

 

[seremify007]

mmm idk, i think what screwed me up in a big scholarship interview was that i was too casual. i mean, we did have great rapport, but the people that ended up getting the scholarship told me they maintained a professional feel. obviously i wasn't swearing, but there was like a solid 5 minutes where we were just talking about the beach

I guess look at it from another point of view then- the people interviewing you are representing their respective companies/firms who have each invested significant dollars of their graduate recruitment budget into these scholarships. Whilst the individuals may be chillaxed themselves, there is also a need to ensure that the candidates who are successful will fit in with the organisation's culture and the actual job, and of course, reflect a good return on that investment.

As an interviewer myself for some scholarships, I know that whilst I may be relatively cool in the interview and not too intense, I still expect a degree of professionalism because it's a necessity of the job (i.e. client facing).

If it helps, make sure you are dressed very professionally and try attending more professional networking events (even the uni ones) because you'll get a better sense for how to act/speak. I know when I was applying for things I was a mess (my best friend pointed out how unprofessional I could be at times in my behaviour), and the way which I improved myself was both through dressing professionally (it's amazing how differently people and even friends will treat you and how you feel when you're in a suit vs. school uniform vs. casual), as well as adopting a consistent and professional behaviour both inside and outside of the interview (kind of like how I am on BoS right?).

Hope this helps a bit- I can see many students in a similar boat to you.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[classicjimbo]

thanks y'all

going to take everything I've learnt from this and apply very soon for a virtually identical job that just popped up

 

[enoilgam]

thanks y'all

going to take everything I've learnt from this and apply very soon for a virtually identical job that just popped up

Eventually, you will get there - Ive been rejected for so many jobs/graduate programs it isnt funny (so have 95% of people). Also, just keep in mind that a graduate program isnt the be all and end all. For me personally, Im glad I didnt get into a graduate program because I would have been a year or two behind in my career and I wouldnt have got the current change experience I have now (which is valuable for HR Professionals).

 

[nedzelic]

Take a big glass of harden to F up, frankly. If you're so weak that you can't get rejected from 1 or 2 jobs (when you're likely competing with 1000s of other homogeneous grads), then you're going to struggle in life. Accept that there's significant randomness in the selection process, and that it's hard to differentiate yourself (see economics for signalling etc.). Chin up and get back on that horse, as Phil Dunphy would say

 

[classicjimbo]

Eventually, you will get there - Ive been rejected for so many jobs/graduate programs it isnt funny (so have 95% of people). Also, just keep in mind that a graduate program isnt the be all and end all. For me personally, Im glad I didnt get into a graduate program because I would have been a year or two behind in my career and I wouldnt have got the current change experience I have now (which is valuable for HR Professionals).

woo got an interview for aforementioned thing so pumped for it

Take a big glass of harden to F up, frankly. If you're so weak that you can't get rejected from 1 or 2 jobs (when you're likely competing with 1000s of other homogeneous grads), then you're going to struggle in life. Accept that there's significant randomness in the selection process, and that it's hard to differentiate yourself (see economics for signalling etc.). Chin up and get back on that horse, as Phil Dunphy would say

ha ha
sorry for having emotions :^)

 

[enoilgam]

Take a big glass of harden to F up, frankly. If you're so weak that you can't get rejected from 1 or 2 jobs (when you're likely competing with 1000s of other homogeneous grads), then you're going to struggle in life. Accept that there's significant randomness in the selection process, and that it's hard to differentiate yourself (see economics for signalling etc.). Chin up and get back on that horse, as Phil Dunphy would say

The first few rejections are always tough, it's hard not to feel a little lousy especially if you really want the job.

woo got an interview for aforementioned thing so pumped for it

Congratulations man - let us know how it goes.