Someone please read over my creative writing based on belonging (1 Viewer)

[090860]

So i made this last year, came across it again and thinking ov using it for the exam, can someone please tell me if it's good or what to cgange

 

[barbernator]

you say "belong" 9 times. probs not the best idea.

 

[090860]

I just looked over it again, this was the draft copy i guess you could call it, my orginal was basicly the same except i shortened it slightly and i actually changed the word with synonyms. other then that i don't know what to change reall. Any ideas?

 

[barbernator]

an idea would be to have started it a week ago. go do that.

 

[dawooddaman]

The best story ever!!!

I just jizzed =O

 

[090860]

an idea would be to have started it a week ago. go do that.

I was doing everything before hand already, i started this a year ago to be honest, i just had been memorizing my essays, and remembered the creative writing, i couldn't think of one since trials anyway so i just looked through my old usb and found this, hence asking for some more tips about it to know what i can improve on

 

[onedaysnotice]

NEVER...EVER...START WITH AN ONOMATOPEIA. Or at least that's what my teacher says. It sounds too corny. Soz but ceebs reading the rest xD

 

[090860]

NEVER...EVER...START WITH AN ONOMATOPEIA. Or at least that's what my teacher says. It sounds too corny. Soz but ceebs reading the rest xD

Guess that's just each teachers different perspective. Anyone who has read the entire thing: what do you think?

 

[ncoul]

To be honest, it's balls..... Admittedly, I'm horrible at creative writing, but this is a new level.

 

[fakermaker]

Dude, the story is shit. Seriously.

I'm not the best at creative writing, but I managed to score a 15/15 in my hsc for it...PM and I'll help you out

 

[joeltogo]

I'll be honest, it's shit...
Try and make it a shorter time period, so basically your reflection period at the start should be the whole story, or something along those lines.
and don't tell the reader '10 minutes later', '2 hours later' it's boring.
explore a max 10 minute period, but in great depth...makes the imagery a lot more vivid and markers love that shit...