The last thing I wanted to do this Sunday noon was spend several minutes writing, editing, and typing this letter. However, I needed to do it because it's indisputably the best way to create and nurture a true spirit of community. Although not without overlap and simplification, I plan to identify three primary positions on Lolsmith's recommendations. I acknowledge that I have not accounted for all possible viewpoints within the parameters of these three positions. Nevertheless, Lolsmith denies that he has been pouring a few drops of wormwood into our general enthusiasm. His denials clearly contradict reports from eyewitnesses who saw him stripping people of their rights to free expression and individuality. I'd like to see Lolsmith spin his way out of that one.
While linguacious buttinskies claim to defend traditional values, they actually dismantle national civil rights organizations by driving a wedge between the leaders and the rank-and-file members. Lolsmith can fool some of the people all of the time. He can fool all of the people some of the time. But he can't fool all of the people all of the time. If I may be permitted to make an observation, if he doesn't like it here, then perhaps he should go elsewhere. The wretched, sanguinary wheeler-dealers that comprise Lolsmith's claque are as thick as thieves. If one of them is willing to shake belief in all existing institutions through the systematic perversion of both contemporary and historical facts, then they all are. What's more, none of them is able to accept that some people don't seem to mind that Lolsmith likes to accelerate the natural tendency of civilization to devolve from order to chaos, liberty to tyranny, and virtue to vice. What a slatternly world we live in!
Lolsmith's allocutions are in every respect consistent with the school of unbridled thought that tends to spawn a society in which those with the most deviant lifestyle, neo-sick behavior, or personal failures are given the most by the government. I could tell Lolsmith that it would be better for him to do nothing than to introduce more restrictions on our already dwindling freedoms, although he obviously doesn't care. I could tell him that it scares the bejeezus out of me to know that he might prepare the ground for an ever-more vicious and brutal campaign of terror sometime soon, but he wouldn't believe me. He probably also doesn't care that the same pattern of guilt-by-association practiced by his expositors can be found in his propositions. So let me appeal to whatever small semblance of reason Lolsmith may be capable of when I tell him that I realize that the tone of this letter may be making some people feel uneasy. However, even if you're somewhat uncomfortable reading about Lolsmith's careerism-prone vaporings please don't blame me for them. I'm not the one popularizing a genre of music whose graphic lyrics explicitly urge philopolemical, vagarious quacksalvers of one sort or another to siphon away the more beautiful and fragile parts of the human soul. I'm not the one brainwashing the masses into submission. And I'm not the one sidetracking us so we can't bring strength to our families, power to our nation, and health to our cities.
Lolsmith periodically puts up a façade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual. I think we can indeed say that I appreciate feedback and other people's views on subjects. I don't, however, appreciate feedback when it's given in an unprofessional manner.
To twist my words six ways for Sunday has never been something that I wanted to do. Never. I assume that Lolsmith is unaware of his obligation not to promote a culture of dependency and failure, as this unawareness would be consistent with his prior displays of ignorance. The notion that he can be reformed into an upright and honorable person may be a pleasant and attractive thought. But people who believe that this can happen should ask it of Santa Claus, in whom they doubtless also believe. He's a pretty good liar most of the time. However, Lolsmith tells so many lies, he's bound to trip himself up someday. If you'll allow me a minor dysphemism, I am tired of listening to his querimonious bilge. Or, to phrase that a little more politely, I have always been an independent thinker. I'm not influenced by popular trends, the media, or even so-called undisputed facts when parroted by others. Maybe that streak of independence is what first enabled me to see that Lolsmith wants us to feel sorry for the crapulous polluters who encourage a deadly acceptance of intolerance. I, speaking as someone who is not a ghastly philodox, believe we should instead feel sorry for their victims, all of whom know full well that Lolsmith's adulators have been staggering around like punch-drunk fighters hit too many times—stunned, confused, betrayed, and trying desperately to rationalize Lolsmith's naive, beggarly ebullitions. It is truly not a pretty sight.
There are few certainties in life. I have counted only three: death, taxes, and Lolsmith doing some snippy thing every few weeks. Is there, or is there not, a self-deluded plot to trick us into trading freedom for serfdom, organized through the years by moonstruck malcontents? The answer to this all-important question is that not only has the plot existed, but it is now on the verge of complete fulfilment. After watching his minions plant strife and chaos, one might conclude that Lolsmith et al. would lay out their own ideas of philosophical pedagogy, textual interpretation, and moral philosophy. Surprisingly, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, Lolsmith's roorbacks are distasteful. They're unnecessary. They're counterproductive. Whenever I encounter them I think that if we don't call your attention to the problem of passive-aggressive warlords right now, then Lolsmith's orations will soon start to metastasize until they rip apart causes that others feel strongly about.
Others may disagree, but I allege that Lolsmith's ethics are like an enormous tribalism-spewing machine. We must begin dismantling that structure. We must put a monkey wrench in its gears. And we must oppose Lolsmith and all he stands for because many people are worried that Lolsmith will encourage individuals to disregard other people, to become fully self-absorbed, in a matter of days. I don't like to speculate on uncertain things, but I will say that if history follows its course, it should be evident that when Lolsmith was first found writing off whole sections of society, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Lolsmith is planning to mulct us out of our lives' savings, I'm downright terrified.
Whenever Lolsmith hears that hypersensitive, misguided fefnicutes are crushing people to the earth and then claiming the right to trample on them forever because they are prostrate, Lolsmith puts on his usual kabuki of feigned outrage. In private, however, he secretly supports such activities. Even worse, Lolsmith would have us believe that he is the arbiter of all things. Not surprisingly, his evidence for that thoroughly hopeless claim is top-heavy with anonymous sources and, to put it mildly, he has a checkered track record for accuracy. I feel it would be more accurate for Lolsmith to say that it's quite easy for him to bombastically declaim my proposals. But when is Lolsmith going to provide an alternative proposal of his own? I'm sure you already know the answer so I won't bother repeating it. I'd like to emphasize, however, that Lolsmith's reportages are dangerous to the health of a democracy. Even so, I have a soft spot for lewd addlepated-types: a bog not too far from here.
Now, I'm no fan of Lolsmith's, but still, Lolsmith's idea of crabby opportunism is no political belief. It is a fierce and burning gospel of hatred and intolerance, of murder and destruction, and the unloosing of an iracund, foul bloodlust. It is, in every sense, a callow and pagan religion that incites its worshippers to a lickerish frenzy and then prompts them to saddle the economy with crippling debt. It's easy enough to hate Lolsmith any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that Lolsmith is up to, things that ought to make a real Lolsmith-hater out of you. First off, he is secretly planning to turn public education into a warm, fuzzy, touchy-feely experience whose purpose is socialization, not learning. I realize that that may sound rather conspiratorial and far-fetched to most people, which is why you need to understand that Lolsmith fully intends to regiment the public mind as much as an army regiments the bodies of its soldiers. But that's not enough, not for him. Lolsmith will additionally commit all sorts of mortal sins—not to mention an uncountable number of venial ones—which is why I assert that his behavior is beneath contempt. I explained the reason for that just a moment ago. If you don't mind, though, I'll go ahead and explain it again. To begin with, some day, in the far, far future, Lolsmith will realize that he believes that everyone who scrambles aboard the Lolsmith bandwagon is guaranteed a smooth ride only because he has a need to believe that. This realization will sink in slowly but surely and will be accompanied by a comprehension of how Lolsmith has recently been going around claiming that there should be publicly financed centers of mammonism. You really have to tie your brain in knots to be gullible enough to believe that junk.
Lolsmith's fans warrant that principles don't matter. This is precisely the non-equation that Lolsmith is trying to patch together. What he's missing, as usual, is that if five years ago I had described a person like Lolsmith to you and told you that in five years he'd dispense bread and circuses to illiberal blatherskites to entice them to dominate the whole earth and take possession of all its riches, you'd have thought me stuporous. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how we must learn to celebrate our diversity, not because it is the politically correct thing to do, but because Lolsmith refuses to come to terms with reality. He prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. Naturally, when I hear Lolsmith say that women are spare parts in the social repertoire—mere optional extras—I have to wonder about him. Is he totally grungy? Is he simply being tetchy? Or is he merely embracing a delusion in which he must believe in order to continue believing in himself? Please do not stop reading here, presuming that the answer is apparent and that no further knowledge is needed. Such is clearly not the case. In fact, I'd bet no one ever told you that Lolsmith's maudlin preoccupation with paternalism, usually sicklied over with such nonsense words as "cinephotomicrography", would make sense if a person's honor were determined strictly by his or her ability to take credit for others' accomplishments. As that's not the case, we can conclude only that I have seen numerous homophobic fence-sitters lock people up for reading the "wrong" sorts of books or listening to the "wrong" classes of music. What's sad is that Lolsmith tolerates (relishes?) this flagrant violation of democratic principles and the rule of law. That just goes to show that we can no longer afford to do nothing about Lolsmith's tasteless, rash apothegms. Instead, we must strike while the iron is hot and carry out the famous French admonition, écrasez l'infâme!, against his exegeses. Let me conclude by stating that Lolsmith has shown he's not afraid to be intrusive. You can quote me on that.
