Mental Health. (1 Viewer)

[KatherinePierce]

I have depression, except I don't take anti-depressants or any sort of medication for it.
Why? Because my parents are aware but they either don't know how serious it is [Probably because I'd rather they not know] or because they'd rather not acknowledge that their daughter has depression.
It's been affecting me quite a bit recently.
I've had consultations with my gp and basically it's just nerves or whatever. I didn't exactly open up about everything; revealing what is possibly causing me to feel this way to someone who could quite likely hint [the gp can't exactly reveal anything I say to them due to confidentiality] to my folks. And hint, they did.
But yes, it's kind of under control. I can manage.

My issue now is basically this;
I'd been called a 'Narcissist' quite a few times, except I honestly don't see how I am one, after all I hate myself; absolutely low self-esteem, confidence. [But then at times I admire myself and basically have incredible self-worth]
I'm not sure if Narcissism is inherited or anything. My uncle, who's relatively young, confesses to being a narcissist. I've witnessed him countless times doing things that would support his claims.
So anyway that got me thinking, I hate myself but love myself?
I looked up "Self loathing Narcissist" on Google and I find a lot of information on this disorder, which I had no idea even existed.
Rather than automatically assuming I have this disorder, I started to take tests, and awkwardly enough the results always said I could very well have it.
I know better than to self-diagnose, which is why I took multiple different tests, personality tests, etc. Even so, I shouldn't be believing such tests. And I'd watched numerous videos on Youtube about Narcissism, and the sort. It kind of scared me at first so I denied the factors stated in these videos and websites which would deem a person to be one. After all a narcissist doesn't go looking, right?
I mustn't be one then.
After a while, I looked back into it and I sort of thought to myself that some [if not most] described me but I wasn't that extreme. But I still did have these 'symptoms'.
I wasn't sure and still not sure.
Just recently I took a personality test. The results were kind of alarming; disorders I wasn't aware of were showing high to very high results. Yeah, as if I wouldn't get freaked out by that.

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: Very High
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

The only ones I've either heard of or know about are paranoia [kind of know what it is], narcissistic [because I had searched it up as previously stated], and dependent and OCD - I'm pretty sure I know what they are, although the results are making me worry.
The link is where I took the test.

Yeah, I don't know, I'd like someone to say I'm over thinking things and it's nothing.

 

[swizzler]

eat some catfood

 

[Earl Luper]

eat some frosty flakes

 

[Earl Luper]

yummy

 

[Earl Luper]

 

[Earl Luper]

 

[KatherinePierce]

Gee, swizzler and Earl Luper. That sure helps quite a bit.

 

[Graney]

I have depression, except I don't take anti-depressants or any sort of medication for it.
Why? Because my parents are aware but they either don't know how serious it is [Probably because I'd rather they not know] or because they'd rather not acknowledge that their daughter has depression.

I don't see why it matters what your parents think. If you think you might need additional help, which may include medication, you're old enough to seek it out yourself, there's no reason you can't take responsibility for your own care in this situation.

Why don't you want your parents to know how serious a problem it is for you?

The people calling you 'narcissistic' aren't medical professionals, don't give it a second thought. Those online personality tests are bullshit, everyone gets every disorder.

 

[harrisony]

I have depression, except I don't take anti-depressants or any sort of medication for it.
Why? Because my parents are aware but they either don't know how serious it is [Probably because I'd rather they not know] or because they'd rather not acknowledge that their daughter has depression.

No, because your doctor hasn't prescribed them for you. Meds aren't the answer half the time.

It's been affecting me quite a bit recently.
I've had consultations with my gp and basically it's just nerves or whatever. I didn't exactly open up about everything; revealing what is possibly causing me to feel this way to someone who could quite likely hint [the gp can't exactly reveal anything I say to them due to confidentiality] to my folks. And hint, they did.

They can't help you, if you don't help them.

But yes, it's kind of under control. I can manage.

Are you sure?

My issue now is basically this;
I'd been called a 'Narcissist' quite a few times, except I honestly don't see how I am one, after all I hate myself; absolutely low self-esteem, confidence. [But then at times I admire myself and basically have incredible self-worth]

If that [bolded quote] isn't narcissistic then I don't know what is, but does it really matter?

I'm not sure if Narcissism is inherited or anything. My uncle, who's relatively young, confesses to being a narcissist. I've witnessed him countless times doing things that would support his claims.
So anyway that got me thinking, I hate myself but love myself?
I looked up "Self loathing Narcissist" on Google and I find a lot of information on this disorder, which I had no idea even existed.
Rather than automatically assuming I have this disorder, I started to take tests, and awkwardly enough the results always said I could very well have it.
I know better than to self-diagnose, which is why I took multiple different tests, personality tests, etc. Even so, I shouldn't be believing such tests. And I'd watched numerous videos on Youtube about Narcissism, and the sort. It kind of scared me at first so I denied the factors stated in these videos and websites which would deem a person to be one. After all a narcissist doesn't go looking, right?

Placebo effect.
Personality tests are stupid

I mustn't be one then.
After a while, I looked back into it and I sort of thought to myself that some [if not most] described me but I wasn't that extreme. But I still did have these 'symptoms'.
I wasn't sure and still not sure.
Just recently I took a personality test. The results were kind of alarming; disorders I wasn't aware of were showing high to very high results. Yeah, as if I wouldn't get freaked out by that.

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: Very High
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

The only ones I've either heard of or know about are paranoia [kind of know what it is], narcissistic [because I had searched it up as previously stated], and dependent and OCD - I'm pretty sure I know what they are, although the results are making me worry.
The link is where I took the test.

I'm pretty sure I could skew the results anyway I choose.

 

[swizzler]

i got mostly lows, a couple of moderates and

Narcissistic: High

 

[Cianyx]

That "self-loathing narcissist" thing sounds more like bipolar to me. However, I'm inclined to believe it's teenage angst. Will go away once you turn 18. If you are concerned about it, talk to the school counselor

 

[KatherinePierce]

I don't see why it matters what your parents think. If you think you might need additional help, which may include medication, you're old enough to seek it out yourself, there's no reason you can't take responsibility for your own care in this situation.

Why don't you want your parents to know how serious a problem it is for you?

The people calling you 'narcissistic' aren't medical professionals, don't give it a second thought. Those online personality tests are bullshit, everyone gets every disorder.

True but a part of me doesn't want to be treated. Like I constantly am at battle with myself. Wow, I'm actually exposing myself here. I sometimes hinder things or sabotage things purposely that could make me happy, or things that could benefit me.
And I really don't want to be any more of a burden to them.
I know, I was hesitant at first to believe any of it.

They can't help you, if you don't help them.

I know, and I just don't want to be any more of a burden to anyone.

Are you sure?

Well, I can manage it at times.

If that [bolded quote] isn't narcissistic then I don't know what is, but does it really matter?

Lol, that too, I only 'love' myself whenever I match my standards on how I should look like, [not quite perfection but I'm going to get there. No that does not mean plastic surgery.] and it's like I start to behave like my uncle does, I become a bit arrogant and then the mirrors! I hate looking at mirrors but then those times, it's like I'm constantly either fixing my hair or checking myself out. I never ever do that, and I find it strange as hell.
^ I'm pretty sure that counts as weird.

Placebo effect.
Personality tests are stupid

Hmm, yeah.

I'm pretty sure I could skew the results anyway I choose.

I know, :/

That "self-loathing narcissist" thing sounds more like bipolar to me. However, I'm inclined to believe it's teenage angst. Will go away once you turn 18. If you are concerned about it, talk to the school counselor

I've considered [and actually hoping] that it might be that. My school counsellor isn't much help.

Thank you all by the way.