What would you do? (1 Viewer)

[ujuphleg]

So heres the scenario:

I am going on holiday next year with my friends down to the South Coast for a week. After asking my parents for 3 years, they've finally said yes - they didn't let me go in Year 12, or last year, but finally, they've said yes.

I'll be almost 20 (I'll be turning 20 in March of 2007) and they figured that there was no real reason to say no - I'm paying for the whole thing myself, they won't have to pick me up or drop me off anywhere, NOTHING.

However.

My boyfriend will be coming on the trip with us, and they will have an issue with that. My parents (mother, in particular) is staunchly anti-sex before marriage and believes that I'll be the virgin mary until I'm married. Part of the reason they said No in year 12 was that they thought I'd be taking him along (same boyfriend) The fact that he'll be coming on holiday and potentially sleeping in the same bed as me will virtually guarantee that they'll change their mind.

I've been with this boy for 2 and a half years now so its not a situation that will change.


What would you do in my situation, knowing that telling them would lead to a strong possibility of having them say no to letting me go?

 

[mr_brightside]

Well if they dont ask, your not lying.

Its your choice about what you want to do, it your body.

 

[MrMilk]

You're an adult. You can do as you please, especially in regards to your personal life, so long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

I understand what it's like with family expectations, but seriously you're an adult. You shouldn't have to ask for permission to do things with your friends, especially if you're going to pay for it.

I've got friends whose parents still tell them when to come home and they're 22. It's ridiculous.

Hope it helps.

Oh and to answer your question, I'd tell them that he's coming, but you don't need to say any more or less about what you guys are going to do.

Enjoy the trip!

 

[priesty]

u wouldnt want to tell them after you come back, because then there's your future trips out the window, they might never trust you again

 

[jooobl]

You are almost 20 years old, I don't understand why you need to get 'permission' from them to go on a holiday- you are an adult!!

If I were in your situation and they were my parents- I would definitely not be telling them, regardless of whether or not you will be doing the deed.

 

[chelzmalee]

I guess it's time to sit your mum down and let her know that you do respect her beliefs (anti-sex thing), but also remind her that you are an adult and can make decisions on your own, and that you do love your boyfriend and want him to go along. If you're not sleeping with him, remind her that you're still the virgin mary she thinks you are etc, if you are sleeping with him... Don't lie about it..

 

[Kabeio]

Same as above. ffs you're 20.

 

[spank_meh]

having strict parents sucks, coz ur like trapped in this bubble they've created. they just don't want you to get hurt or to lose you.. but isn't it the whole part of growing up??
my mum is prety much that like too
but.. l8ly she's been improving. we had this talk a few months ago.. i guess she just remembered herself wen she was 18.. i think that's wat ur parents should do as well

 

[martin88]

haha...... i personally find it quite humorous that people's parents still basically decide what their children can and cannot do even after they leave school.....

 

[Marky24]

I have the same situation .. I told em .. and they said its ok .. but to be "careful" and " resist temptation " .. hmm but yeah it all varies parent to parent

 

[Gavvvvvin]

is your mum like the mum off the waterboy?

 

[Jiga]

Yeah ffs some peoples parents are control freaks. Like fair enough you inform them that your going, but thats the extent of it, you shouldnt need permission to go out somewhere at 19.... especially something like a holiday.

 

[Marky24]

Yeah ffs some peoples parents are control freaks. Like fair enough you inform them that your going, but thats the extent of it, you shouldnt need permission to go out somewhere at 19.... especially something like a holiday.

yup thats my parents grrr im 19 and they ring me up every 15 minutes when im out .. " when are you coming home ?? " ... " I dunno leave me alone !! "

 

[ujuphleg]

Hmmm.... ok.

To all of you who have said they are control freaks: Yes, I realise this, but thats the situation I'm stuck in (unfortunatley)

I guess the question should be more like, short of getting new parents, what should I do?

Well if they dont ask, your not lying.

Well this is the thing, they will definatley ask before I go who is going.

If they say to me: "Is Jason coming with you?" do I lie outright or do I say yes?

And further to that, I hate lying to my parents.

 

[ur_inner_child]

Don't tell them.

I know that sounds so cliche, but its one step at a time for your parents. They let you out on holidays for a week, and you know and I know that this is a significant step. Going with your boyfriend and getting them to approve of that is another step, and they've only just started to get comfortable with the first step....

Know what I mean?

EDIT: (cuz i just saw your post prior to this one)... Tell them everyone who's going except Jason. Everyone hates lying to parents but understand that "step" concept. Even though I no longer speak to my parents, I could relate prior to the craziness, and it usually works..

 

[jhakka]

You are almost 20 years old, I don't understand why you need to get 'permission' from them to go on a holiday- you are an adult!!

If I were in your situation and they were my parents- I would definitely not be telling them, regardless of whether or not you will be doing the deed.

There's the whole thing about respecting the people whose roof you live under/who provide for you/etc. But maybe that's a weird little belief that some people hold. No idea.


I would tell them. When, I'm not quite sure. There are issues whenever you time it. What it comes down to is still the fact that you're an adult. You've asked for permission to go (respecting their authority in the household), you're paying for it youself, and you're old enough and responsible enough to make your own decisions. Let them know that you're not going to do anything stupid and leave it at that.

 

[ur_inner_child]

Hmmm, leaving the thread to browse others, I just kept thinking about my answer.

I don't know. Weigh it up. They might say yes. How are they with trusting Jason anyway? I mean, how long are you usually able to stay out with him?

You never know...

 

[glitterfairy]

I would tell them. When, I'm not quite sure. There are issues whenever you time it. What it comes down to is still the fact that you're an adult. You've asked for permission to go (respecting their authority in the household), you're paying for it youself, and you're old enough and responsible enough to make your own decisions. Let them know that you're not going to do anything stupid and leave it at that.

I hope that "when" also covers after the trip... even a long time after!

I don't know Susan's parents heaps well but know their type well enough that if she tells them before in a perfectly reasonably manner that her boyfriend will be going with her down the coast, they will very likely respond in a totally unreasonable manner, just because that's the way they are.

I like Stef's steps concept, it makes perfect sense to me and I think it's the most suitable way to deal with the situation for now

 

[ujuphleg]

I've been going out with him for a 2 years and a half - you go figure...

They like him (as a person) but no matter what they say, they still have issues about the fact that he's my boyfriend.

I'm surprised that you of all people Stef, say dont' tell them, I would have thought that you'd be telling me to take a stand.

 

[glitterfairy]

In all honesty I'd like you to take a stand too, but I'm not sure it's the best option (assuming telling them = them forbidding you from going). I see it just causing unneccessary and unavoidable hassle... and with all the other stuff life throws at you, I'm sure you don't need it!