Hmm, lol this is a really dodgey text. XD I know because a few classmates, even I tried it for my um 1st Year 12 exams.
The thing is, many people may start to um, get carried away into story-telling rather than explaining what exactly the journey concept. Additionally this text has been used countless times, so...if you want to try and stand out ^^ try another text.
Though I am in no means forcing you to change your related text, you'll find that you constantly change the texts you may want to use for exams, unless you've prepared for your HSC since the start of Year 11. So...see which fits you.
Very blandly, lol I think this journey may be following the old ways of 'Being a hero in a journey' or having good and bad, or just trying to overcome struggles during a journey.
Though if you intend to use the Hobbit, try enforcing your idea of the Journey through both Bilbo and the people in his group's self-knowledge i.e. knowing about the world, and themselves, or even as simple as growth in maturity, understanding, taking risks, doing something that ordinary hobbits wouldn't do.
That's all part of the grand scheme of the journey.