El Magnifico
Member
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2009
- Messages
- 34
- Gender
- Male
- HSC
- 2010
Hey wondering what you all thought of my English Creative, if you could tell me what you think and what mark i'd get, it would be greatly appreciated 
Oh and yeah i relise could have been more creative with the names.
Stimulus: "Home is often the end of a journey. Explore the concept of homecoming in the form of a narrative"
“Suck it in, big fella” Jill said as she grasped Gills britches and gave an almighty heave similar to that off a champion weightlifter. “Do…Do we really have to go…” Gill spluttered whilst clutching for air. “Now dear you know if your parents are willing to give reconciliation ago, it’s best we at least try to as well, if you don’t do it now it will soon be too late!… and don’t forget it’s your brothers wedding so you can at least be happy for him”. Jill spoke with an expression that made Gill instantly recognize that there would be no mediation here what so ever, and with this let out a heavy sigh and with a gloomy look upon his face trudged out of the room dragging the soles of his feet on the cream coloured tiles.
Gill had been feeling quite squeamish and nauseous at the idea of attending his brothers wedding, it wasn’t at all his brother that was giving Gill the queasy feeling in the pit of he’s stomach which at any moment could divulge the details of this morning breakfast; infact they had managed to stay best of mates. It was the thought of his parents; the last time Gill had spoken to them he was dusting the gravel off of himself after being thrown out as if no more than a day old newspaper. This however did coincide with the news that Gill had just recently gotten his same aged 15 year old girlfriend, off who he had been dating since period 2 of last week pregnant. Gill can still vividly recall that day not just the waves of disappointment that had swept over his parents face making it unbareable to look them in the eye or the spit that had rained down on him when his father had yelled with such brutal and harsh tone to “GET OUT!” but what came to Gill as clear as crystal was the numbness of the realization of that at the tender age of 15 he had nowhere to go, hunched down upon the cracked, dirty, ant infested curb 2 blocks down and drowning in a pool of despair, misery and self loathing.
Now here stood Gill 15 years down the track he had still not since spoken a word to his parents since that day, not even after the miscarriage or even after when the expectant mother had disappeared without a trace never to be seen by anyone again. “Quick get in, we’ll be late for the reception” Jill barked at him as he entered the car Gill began to anxiously fidget with his poorly tied tie. Once again it dawned on him how much he mad missed out on without having a father for such a period of time in his life, it was the everyday activities such as being able to tie a tie, or being able to change a tire on a car, the simple things which are normally passed down from father to son that Gill was incapable of doing. This thought slowly simmered in Gills head as he reassured himself that he had done just fine in riding the windy path of life whether he’s parents were on board or not. Sure he enjoyed his fast-food a little too much and was evidently a little on the wrong end of the scales, but he had managed to maintain a steady income working at his local car dealership, in fact last month he had even taken home the employee of the month. He too had a beautiful fiancé in Jill to which they upheld a mortgage of a house in a quiet neighborhood with a garden path driveway and neatly trimmed lawns and hedges. “What more could I really want?” Gill thought to himself but no matter how much he tried to reassure and calm his nerves the thought of what happened that day and having to finally deal with it still lurked in the shadows of the back of his mind.
It was no later and Gill was stepping out of the car his face turning a lighter shade of avocado following behind in Jills shadow with his tail between his legs until out of nowhere a big set of lanky arms had wrapped themselves around him “Glad you could make it bro! Just wouldn’t be the same with out you” a bald man with small squinty brown eyes let out with a crooked smile, instantly recognizable to Gill as his brother Phill he had still after all these years maintained a babyishness to his face. Out of the corner of his eyes Gill captured the look of the same eyes that had shown him such disappointment those many years ago, it was his father, he could still make him out even though his hair now become as white as a snowflake and was now long matted and untamed. The man Gill used to refer to as father now approached the shade of green on Gills face was slowly beginning to turn white he was experiencing the same numbness he felt all those years ago. “Would you perhaps care to give a foolish old man another chance?” a soft fragile broken voice said indistinguishable from the harsh tone Gill could recall. Gill could only let a smile as he beckoned his father to come and take a seat.
Oh and yeah i relise could have been more creative with the names.Stimulus: "Home is often the end of a journey. Explore the concept of homecoming in the form of a narrative"
“Suck it in, big fella” Jill said as she grasped Gills britches and gave an almighty heave similar to that off a champion weightlifter. “Do…Do we really have to go…” Gill spluttered whilst clutching for air. “Now dear you know if your parents are willing to give reconciliation ago, it’s best we at least try to as well, if you don’t do it now it will soon be too late!… and don’t forget it’s your brothers wedding so you can at least be happy for him”. Jill spoke with an expression that made Gill instantly recognize that there would be no mediation here what so ever, and with this let out a heavy sigh and with a gloomy look upon his face trudged out of the room dragging the soles of his feet on the cream coloured tiles.
Gill had been feeling quite squeamish and nauseous at the idea of attending his brothers wedding, it wasn’t at all his brother that was giving Gill the queasy feeling in the pit of he’s stomach which at any moment could divulge the details of this morning breakfast; infact they had managed to stay best of mates. It was the thought of his parents; the last time Gill had spoken to them he was dusting the gravel off of himself after being thrown out as if no more than a day old newspaper. This however did coincide with the news that Gill had just recently gotten his same aged 15 year old girlfriend, off who he had been dating since period 2 of last week pregnant. Gill can still vividly recall that day not just the waves of disappointment that had swept over his parents face making it unbareable to look them in the eye or the spit that had rained down on him when his father had yelled with such brutal and harsh tone to “GET OUT!” but what came to Gill as clear as crystal was the numbness of the realization of that at the tender age of 15 he had nowhere to go, hunched down upon the cracked, dirty, ant infested curb 2 blocks down and drowning in a pool of despair, misery and self loathing.
Now here stood Gill 15 years down the track he had still not since spoken a word to his parents since that day, not even after the miscarriage or even after when the expectant mother had disappeared without a trace never to be seen by anyone again. “Quick get in, we’ll be late for the reception” Jill barked at him as he entered the car Gill began to anxiously fidget with his poorly tied tie. Once again it dawned on him how much he mad missed out on without having a father for such a period of time in his life, it was the everyday activities such as being able to tie a tie, or being able to change a tire on a car, the simple things which are normally passed down from father to son that Gill was incapable of doing. This thought slowly simmered in Gills head as he reassured himself that he had done just fine in riding the windy path of life whether he’s parents were on board or not. Sure he enjoyed his fast-food a little too much and was evidently a little on the wrong end of the scales, but he had managed to maintain a steady income working at his local car dealership, in fact last month he had even taken home the employee of the month. He too had a beautiful fiancé in Jill to which they upheld a mortgage of a house in a quiet neighborhood with a garden path driveway and neatly trimmed lawns and hedges. “What more could I really want?” Gill thought to himself but no matter how much he tried to reassure and calm his nerves the thought of what happened that day and having to finally deal with it still lurked in the shadows of the back of his mind.
It was no later and Gill was stepping out of the car his face turning a lighter shade of avocado following behind in Jills shadow with his tail between his legs until out of nowhere a big set of lanky arms had wrapped themselves around him “Glad you could make it bro! Just wouldn’t be the same with out you” a bald man with small squinty brown eyes let out with a crooked smile, instantly recognizable to Gill as his brother Phill he had still after all these years maintained a babyishness to his face. Out of the corner of his eyes Gill captured the look of the same eyes that had shown him such disappointment those many years ago, it was his father, he could still make him out even though his hair now become as white as a snowflake and was now long matted and untamed. The man Gill used to refer to as father now approached the shade of green on Gills face was slowly beginning to turn white he was experiencing the same numbness he felt all those years ago. “Would you perhaps care to give a foolish old man another chance?” a soft fragile broken voice said indistinguishable from the harsh tone Gill could recall. Gill could only let a smile as he beckoned his father to come and take a seat.
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