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!!!Read my brief draft for English Adv!!! (1 Viewer)

sando

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Plz read my breif draft and tell me any ideas or suggestions on what i should do. its due on monday as a in class. we get roughly 40 min

Essay Question: “A significant concern for humanity is its relationship with the natural world and nature’s influence on human behaviour and human interaction. The quality and importance of humanity’s relationship with the natural world, or its response to the absence of natural world can vary across different times and cultures”.

Intro
The comprehensive yet inquisitive futuristic prose fiction novel “Brave New World”, written by Aldous Huxley, published in 1932, can be strongly compared with the sci-fi repulsive world of that in the noir film “Blade Runner- the Director’s Cut”, composed by Ridley Scott in 1992, in the ways how both texts are linked with the natural world.

Not only do both texts share a common link through the dystopia created as a result of the way the world functions, but both Brave New World and Blade Runner also depict that humanity plays little significance with a relationship between the natural worlds.

Nature’s influence on humanity is just as great as humanity’s influence on the natural world. It is shown in Blade Runner how when nature is neglected, it will have an equal and opposite reaction on humanity. Brave New World is much the same, there has to be some control over the amount humanity can control nature, otherwise the society is actually isn’t under control in the first place.

Point 1
Brave New World was written in a long tradition of dystopic works and holds the concerns of post WW1. Huxley was influenced by current totalitarian dictatorships and current values and thoughts of the 1900’s. Brave New World is set in a futuristic world where mass production has become the central element for the creation of a stable, economically and socially advanced society.

By critically examining Aldous Huxley’ Brave New World, it is further shown to emphasise the disparity of two civilisations and the reactions of each society with their relationship of the natural world.
The municipal structured World State “Utopia” controls nature to an extensive degree. Humans have no freedom of choice as their minds are controlled through conditioning; a process in this world where everyone is deliberately trained to behave a certain way. In this case it is to be: fearless of death, afraid of nature, accept their place in society, crave soma and to basically accept the World State’s rules and guidelines.
Natural birth is a thing of the past as science has established a test tube- clone like procedure to create thousands of similar babies. This is known as Bokanovsky’s process.
Pre-birth everyone is placed into one of five caste systems: alpha, beta, delta, gamma or an epsilon. Every caste has a different role in society and everyone has been conditioned and drugged up on soma to accept and appreciate what they do.
It can be seen in these three examples in Brave New World that nature is controlled to an incredible extent. Nature is extinguished from everyone in their pre-birth, producing a distinguishable difference in the world almost immediately. It is shown with humanity’s complete lack of relationship with the natural world, that it is certain to either create vivid and virtually visual advantages or flaws for the World State.

Point 2
Blade Runner stands in sharp contrast to Brave New World. The 1980’s was a period of social unrest and globalisation was growing and growing, giving society reason to question the direction in which humanity is travelling.
Blade Runner is set in a post-apocalyptic world where human technology is so advanced that humans are now “playing God” to create and destroy life at will.

Ridley Scott has created in Blade Runner a film that is driven by technology. Blade Runner presents the issues about the dehumanising effects that technology can have on society as humans could lose their concern for human rights.
“Replicants” (Artificial humans) are used to perform things that are considered to be incongruous to humans. Replicants are deemed to be “more human than human”. The void comp tests whether they really are replicants by asking a series of emotional response questions and focussing the machine on the eye. The only flaw of replicants is that they aren’t emotionally programmed like humans. During the fight between Deckard (a Blade Runner/replicant detective) and Roy (a replicant), Roy refuses the chance to kill Deckard when empathy sinks in Roy’s mind. This example brings up the question: “What does it mean to be human?” as it is now relatively impossible to tell apart Replicants from Humans.

Point 3
BNW- Control is parodied by hypnopaedic sayings, “ending is better than mending”.
Will talk about in the wild and the importance of humanity’s relationship with the natural world with direct references to BNW

Point 4
Will talk about in the wild and the importance of humanity’s relationship with the natural world with direct references to BR
Show how it is different from BNW

Point 5 and 6
Talk about techniques used to show above points

Point 7
Sum up points and conclusion
 

Riviet

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I posted my opinion in the other thread ("discusssion of the 2006 hsc" forum). I hope it helped :)
 

sando

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What the hell, the other one has been deleted, i couldnt read the other comments.

Here is my finald draft copy, i would appreciate any positive or negative feedback

The comprehensive yet inquisitive futuristic prose fiction novel “Brave New World”, written by Aldous Huxley, published in 1932, can be strongly compared with the sci-fi repulsive world of that in the noir film “Blade Runner- the Director’s Cut”, composed by Ridley Scott in 1992, in the ways how both texts are linked with the natural world.

Both texts share a common link through the dystopia created as a result of the way the world functions. Huxley and Scott present several issues to show that humanity is under growing threat from lack of relationship with the natural world. These texts mainly focus on how human beings relate to and interact with their surrounding environments.

Brave New World was written in a long tradition of dystopic works and holds the concerns of post WW1. Huxley was influenced by current totalitarian dictatorships and current values and thoughts of the 1900’s. Brave New World is set in a futuristic world where mass production has become the central element for the creation of a stable, economically and socially advanced society.

Blade Runner stands in sharp contrast to Brave New World. The 1980’s was a period of social unrest and globalisation was in a state of continual growth, giving society reason to question the direction in which humanity is travelling.
Blade Runner is set in a post-apocalyptic world where human technology is so advanced that humans are now “playing” God to create and destroy life at will. There is no real representation of nature at all, as even humans and animals are artificially created as ‘replicants. ‘

Brave New World shows the disparity of two civilisations and the reactions of each society with their relationship between the natural world.
The municipal structured World State “Utopia” controls nature to an extensive degree. This is shown by the way humans have no freedom of choice as their minds are controlled through conditioning. Everything that can be compared with the ‘natural’ world has been conditioned out of society, because an appreciation of nature doesn’t make people consume anything. This is shown in the episode where babies are being conditioned to hate flowers and books by electric shocking them until they dislike it.

Blade Runner presents several issues about the dehumanising effects that technology can have on society as humans could lose their concern for human rights.
The camera angles show a world which is crowded with high rise buildings and a black sky filled with pollution. All of these special effects have added to a claustrophobic feeling, making the viewer even more disgusted about the world they are observing.

All discomforts in Brave New World are being controlled to such an extent, that they are diminished from the world altogether. Control is parodied by the hypnopaedic saying, “ending is better than mending”, which shows the ridiculous mindset of the World State.
“Community, Identity, Stability” is such an important aspect to the way the World State is run that before birth everyone is placed into one of five caste systems. Every caste has a different role in society and everyone has been conditioned and drugged up on soma to accept and appreciate what they do. The character of John the Savage, and the reservation he comes from, shows the real love and spirituality that is absent from the supposed civilisation of the World State.

In Blade Runner, “Replicants” (Artificial humans) are used to perform things that are considered to be incongruous to humans. During the fight between Deckard (a Blade Runner) and Roy (a replicant); Roy refuses the chance to kill Deckard because empathy has overpowered his ‘feelings’. This example brings up the question: “What does it mean to be human?” This theme is further driven by the plot development and characterisation Huxley Scott uses. It creates confusion about what is human and what isn’t.

In Blade Runner the world is so technologically advanced, that Tyrell Corporation can deem Replicants “more human than human”. Although in time, the artificial world they are living in will eventually lose control, and the replicants will replace humans.
In a particular scene near the end, the focus is on what it means to be human as well as death (just about the only natural thing in this world), Duff comments “It’s too bad she won’t live, but then again, who does?” This quote further emphasises that the world has lost all stability that life is now beyond nature’s control.

Both Brave New World and Blade Runner reinforce just how big a role the natural world needs to have on humanity in order for the World to be stabilised. Both composers use a range of techniques in order to express their concern for humanity and nature. The theme ‘quality of life’ is pushed to the confinement of scientific and social transformation to show where humanity could stand in several years to come. Huxley and Scott have pushed the relationship between humanity and nature to new boundaries in order to explore new concepts of life’s qualities not presently found in today’s society.
 

Riviet

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Your essay question is not a question, it is only stating a theme that exists in either text. But i am assuming you are asked to compare the two texts with their relation to nature and humanity.


The comprehensive yet inquisitive futuristic prose fiction novel “Brave New World”, written by Aldous Huxley, published in 1932, can be strongly compared with the sci-fi repulsive world of that in the noir film “Blade Runner- the Director’s Cut”
Use "to" instead of "with" because you are comparing one text "to" another.

Blade Runner stands in sharp contrast to Brave New World.
Nice linking there to the previous paragraph. ;)


All of these special effects have added to a claustrophobic feeling, making the viewer even more disgusted about the world they are observing.
Sounds a bit informal, especially when you used "making" as the verb. Use something like "evokes a disgusted feeling from the viewer about the world they are observing".

Brave New World was written in a long tradition of dystopic works...

Blade Runner stands in sharp contrast to Brave New World...

Brave New World shows the disparity of two civilisations...
Alternating between the texts confused me as i read through your essay and it will most likely confuse the marker as well. I recommend restructuring the essay by analysing all of Brave New World then all of Blade Runner or vice versa.

Your paragraphs are decent in length, and your entire essay is about 800ish words, and is just about right. You should be able to write it all out in the time limit as long as you know your essay well.

I hope that helps. :)
 

sando

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great advice riviet but i got it a little too late (read it after i wrote my respinse)

too bad tooday i didnt remember any of it and will be lucky to scrape a pass. Lucky for me it is only 10% and i have time to make up for it.
 

Riviet

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Dam dam dam... didn't know it was on Monday either.

Oh well... the help was my pleasure. :)
 

sando

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Shit... i got 10/20 for the in class.... i was hoping for a 13 or 14 at least
 

Riviet

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What went wrong sando?

I feel like i was at fault, with my slightly too late advice.
 

sando

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no my own fault riviet,

i only wrote 4 pages and forgot 3 vital points.

i was never goin to get a 17+ anyway, i guess with the tight markin
 

Riviet

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Ouch, you probably need to know the essay better, I was lucky to have mine open book. Oh well, there's still next year to improve... :)
 

sando

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It was 10% of my assesment mark, so that's 5% overall, right

so i can still get a potential 97.5, right?

i would really like a 80+, How much do i need to lift my game u reckon???
 

Riviet

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so i can still get a potential 97.5, right?
Yes. :)

i would really like a 80+, How much do i need to lift my game u reckon???
Do you mean 80+ in UAI or just english? Either way you will need to get some decent marks, you should aim for full marks even if you may not think you are able to achieve so high. Just work hard next and hope for the best.
 

Bobby George

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i'll just add my own little comment, which is relevant to you, and everyone else doin 'In The Wild'
the best way to get good marks in this section isnt necessarily about writing well- or using the 'correct' wording- four main things, which should be used in each paragraph
1 make a strong point
2 support that point with specific techniques- literary or visual
3 support it with context, context, context
4 COMPARE the texts intricately, and link where ever possible
Hope that helps
 

sando

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Do you mean 80+ in UAI or just english? Either way you will need to get some decent marks, you should aim for full marks even if you may not think you are able to achieve so high. Just work hard next and hope for the best.
I am aiming for a 80+ in english
and a UAI of around 85-91

i'll just add my own little comment, which is relevant to you, and everyone else doin 'In The Wild'
the best way to get good marks in this section isnt necessarily about writing well- or using the 'correct' wording- four main things, which should be used in each paragraph
1 make a strong point
2 support that point with specific techniques- literary or visual
3 support it with context, context, context
4 COMPARE the texts intricately, and link where ever possible
Hope that helps
Yeah that does help (cos our teacher hasnt even talked about the results cos we got em back last day), considering i only used one technique for each texty and only a few qoutes which i didnt explain well
 

Riviet

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sando said:
I am aiming for a 80+ in english
and a UAI of around 85-91
Obviously you will need to step up your marks, but also consider how you rank in the year. How did everyone else in your class/year go in the assessment?
 

sando

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Well a few people even doing extension 1 & 2 english managed to fail. But that was only a few.

However, the highest mark was 20/20. That makes it sound worse :(
 

Riviet

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Well what rank do you think you would be in the whole year? Because it's the rank that's more important in the hsc.
 

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