Lack of sophistication in essays (1 Viewer)

[magoshitsjosh]

My Ancient History teacher said I lack sophistication in my essays, and some of them are largely narrative. How do I make my essays sound sophisticated? Do you guys have any big, fancy words you use in place of simpler words? (If you do, please tell me!) And how do I make my essays more analytical rather than narrative based?

(Sorry if this seems like a stupid thread, I'm just worried and need help)

 

[khorne]

Sophistication comes from ideas, not word usage. It refers to how your ideas are examined, how they are connected together, in what manner are they presented and what insightful analysis has been used to present them. I can't comment on History, I have never done it, but I imagine narrative is: how it happened, who it was, when it was etc compared the analytical, which is, what effects did it have, why did it happen, how did it change this/that etc.

 

[enoilgam]

Sophistication comes from ideas, not word usage. It refers to how your ideas are examined, how they are connected together, in what manner are they presented and what insightful analysis has been used to present them. I can't comment on History, I have never done it, but I imagine narrative is: how it happened, who it was, when it was etc compared the analytical, which is, what effects did it have, why did it happen, how did it change this/that etc.

This exactly.

 

[magoshitsjosh]

Sorry, what the teacher meant by "not sophisticated" was "you need to use scholarly terms" and also, she said something else about word usage. Example:In Modern History I wrote something like "Von Moltke rose to the top very quickly because he came from a well respected family, and he had a good relationship with the Kaiser.." and my teacher told me to replace all that with the word "nepotism". And I just wanted to know if there were any "go-to" words people have so that I could improve on my use of words. Eg instead of "in conclusion...", I've learned to say "subsequently..." or "overall..."

 

[magoshitsjosh]

Sophistication comes from ideas, not word usage. It refers to how your ideas are examined, how they are connected together, in what manner are they presented and what insightful analysis has been used to present them. I can't comment on History, I have never done it, but I imagine narrative is: how it happened, who it was, when it was etc compared the analytical, which is, what effects did it have, why did it happen, how did it change this/that etc.

and thanks for helping me differentiate between narrative-based and analytical

 

[Huang-Paradigm]

you need to use scholarly terms

I think what you're teacher means is that you need to use the correct terminology as much as possible. For example, in Pompeii, instead of saying 'freed ' in your essay, 'libertinus' would be the more appropriate term.

And also, try and avoid colloquial language. Instead of saying 'Von Moltke rose to the top very quickly' you could say something like 'Von Moltke's fame was quickly rendered prominent due to his heritage from a prestigious/aristocratic family as well as his mutual relationship with the Kaiser.."

 

[magoshitsjosh]

I said something a little less colloquial than "Von Moltke rose to..." I was just giving an example, but thank you so much! I definitely didn't say anything as sophisticated as what you just wrote. That really puts things into perspective. I don't think my writing is of that caliber. Is there any way I could improve upon this?

 

[khorne]

read lots

 

[Skeptyks]

Thesaurus.

 

[Bobbo1]

I would say the key to sophistication is not gobbling a thesaurus but active wide reading about the subject area which you are writing about - in your case ancient, and then trying to adapt this analytical skills into your own writing. This will take some time but I'm sure if you give it effort by the end of the year you should be on top of it. As for a temporary "quick-fix" I would say stick to the basics, i.e. no first person language or opinions and try and use as much JARGON, quotes from histories, historical dates etc...

 

[Mr L]

To improve the sophistication of your essays I suggest reading a thesaurus. It proved to be an immense help throughout the duration of my history extension project and helps you to add that sprinkle of sophistication into the essay mix

 

[Skeptyks]

uhh, I thought we were talking bout quote: "scholarly terms"?

 

[sick_kent]

couple of words;
instead of but; however, nevertheless
to connect ideas instead of and; similarly, concurrently, furthermore.

However my top advice would be to read alot as this enhances vocabulary and increases your knowledge of syntax so you can use sophisticated language

I see that you're also doing modern, do you have the same problem in that??

 

[sick_kent]

also check this thread, pretty helpful http://community.boredofstudies.org/showthread.php?t=191488

 

[magoshitsjosh]

It's really weird. My Ancient teacher always criticises my writing, saying theres a lack of sophistication, it's narrative-based etc. however, i'm averaging about 92. For Modern, everyone (teachers and students) thinks I'm brilliant but I'm not doing as well as I am in Ancient.