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Imaginative Journey "Generic" Essay..feedback please?? (1 Viewer)

emma_o2

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This is an essay I hope to adapt to the HSC question..comments would be great! I know I can write exactly this much (its like 1000 words I think) in the time limit so no worries there.

An imaginative journey requires imagination to begin and throughout, where thought is essential in propelling the journey. Imaginative journeys are undefinable, often inevitable and obstacles are unforseen. Melvyn Bragg’s non fiction text “On Giants’ Shoulders” takes us into a world of imagination, speculation and inspiration.

In an imaginative journey it is our imagination that compels us to journey and works as a propellant throughout the experience. In “On Giants’ Shoulders”, Bragg says of Michael Faraday “he was clearly an extremely curious individual”. Faradays work was sparked by curiosity and he essentially journeyed to discover whether what he imagined could be true. In “Journeys Over Land and Sea”, the voyagers “pushed beyond their own boundaries” and dared to “pursue the unknown”. They challenged what people originally thought saying the world wasn’t flat or there were no such thing as monsters and this compelled the pioneers to journey and discover whether their imagination was correct. In “The Thought Fox”, the persona witnesses an imaginative journey in his mind (“I imagine this midnight moment’s forest”) which leads him to finish the journey he was struggling to begin – writing a poem. Imagination is essential for journeying, as without it we struggle to begin but with it we can pursue and discover the unknown.

Symbolism can also be used in an imaginative journey. In “On Giants’ Shoulders”, Bragg discusses how Faraday used symbolism to bring his imaginative journey to the public. During seminars Faraday would light a candle and related it to the living combustion inside of us. This symbolism made his imaginative journey more accessible to others, possibly inspiring them to also go on an imaginative journey. “Perhaps because of its…simplicity it caught the imagination of the public”. In “Journeys Over Land and Sea”, the second picture has a moon and sun, both with faces. This symbolises “the ever expanding view of human kind” and the journeys we have already taken. We now know the sun and moon don’t have faces, because our imagination has led us to discover this. In “The Thought Fox” the fox represents the poet’s forming idea and the night symbolises the vast depth of imagination and the line “the window is starless still” is referring to his frustrating lack of imagination regarding the poem.

Journey’s are inevitable and the urge to journey and discover new things is apart of human nature. Some of the scientists interviewed by Bragg, in “On Giants’ Shoulders” believe that in the overall journey of science everything will be discovered and by whom it doesn’t matter. “If Galileo had not lived I am sure within a hundred years the ideas he came up with would have been found out…I do not think it would have made a lot of difference”. “Journeys Over Land and Sea” begins with “In every age, pioneers pushed beyond their own boundaries”, suggesting the author has also noticed that in every age, people are compelled to journey. Mary Shelley seems to agree and her novel “Frankenstein” suggests that curiosity is apart of human nature, and even if Victors attempt was less then successful, others will try. Shelley is also sending a warning to those attempting to mess with the journey of nature, Victors curiosity creates only trouble for him and though it is inevitable people will try to play God, some things are left better unknown.

One person’s imaginative journey can inspire or help others to journey themselves. In “On Giant’s Shoulders”, the title presents the idea of standing on Giant’s shoulders, meaning that further journeys are made possible through inspiration gained from previous journeys. Bragg gives an example of this in Galileo, who took the invention of Lippershey’s telescope and discovered much about the universe “Galileo made many famous discoveries by turning the telescope on the heavens”. Because Lippershey had already taken an imaginative journey, this made Galileo’s own journey possible. In “Journeys Over Land and Sea”, the pioneers “tales of discovery…compelled others to pursue the unknown”. The exhibition is said to “document the ever expanding world view of humankind” and it is forever expanding as each traveller built on the discoveries that had been made before them. In “The Thought Fox”, the imaginary fox’s journey instigates the persona’s writing. Hughes uses symbolism, to suggest the fox is the poets forming idea – considering this we see how inextricably linked the two journeys are, and without one the other could not have happened.

While journeying a person can become easily obsessed and consumed by the entire process. In “On Giants’ Shoulders”, Marie Curie was very preoccupied by her work and when she fell pregnant she continued to work but “the stress of such hard work took its toll. Marie suffered a miscarriage”. For Curie, the devotion to her work came with consequences. Toad, in ‘The Wind in the Willows”, becomes fixated by the preparation for his journey. He says “you’ll find that nothing whatever has been forgotten” and that’s because his obsessive preparation meant he remembered everything. Toad thinks only of himself and his impending journey and does not consider what others want, so when Rat says he doesn’t want to go, Toad ignores him and says “please consider it settled”. Toad’s obsession places a strain on his friendships, but at least he is prepared for his travels!
In “The Thought Fox”, as the persona watches the imaginative fox, he starts to write a poem and soon “the page is printed”. But he is so fixated by the fox that the act of writing goes unnoticed till the very end. Imaginative journeys can be consuming at all different stages, for Curie as she came closer to the end of her scientific discoveries, for Toad at the beginning and for the persona of “The Thought Fox” throughout the entirety of their short journey.

Imaginative journeys broaden the mind to allow a better understanding of the world. Through witnessing the journeys of those before us we can be taken into our own imaginative journey of imagination, speculation and inspiration
 

_Benji_

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its WAY too messy..... u havent introduced ur texts properly in the intro.... link each text more strongly to an idea... then prove using evidence how the composer has shown that idea... u need to engage in the text more... more textual features etc....

Id suggest doing 2 related and 1 stimulus- with no link to wind in willows

ur 2nd para is more like a intro- i suggest combining the 2- u only mention 1 text in the intro

" Symbolism can also be used in an imaginative journey"
this is a bit random to start off ur discussion of a text...

"Bragg says of Michael Faraday"
i dont think u really need to say it like this.... Bragg would be fine... or "through Braggs characterization of Faraday"

anyway keep working on it! :)
I dont do any of ur texts so i cant be of much help!
 

emma_o2

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thank you!

do u mean just the intro and second paragraph are messy? or the whole thing?
thanks for your comments! i get what u mean..i wont include the wind in the willows one unless the question asks for 2 stimmulus materials (hopefully it won't!)
 

_Benji_

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i just think u need to look at each text and think:
a) how can i relate it to the q
b) what ideas about journey does composer raise (this is not recounting the journey)
eg) journey presented shows that everyone reacts differently to journey (or something)
c) then u link the idea to all the textual evidence- eg this is shown with the use of symbolism <quote> which represents journey as...blah blah and the characterisation... blah
d) state ur idea again/relate to question

yes... hopefully the q wont ask for 2 or i will be screwed too!!
 

emma_o2

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ok does this sound better?

for the symbolism part - In an imaginative journey, symbolism can be important in representing metaphoric and figurative aspects of the journey

for the intro - In an imaginative journey it is our imagination that compels us to journey and works as a propellant throughout the experience. Imaginative journeys are undefinable, often inevitable and obstacles are unforseen. Melvyn Bragg’s non fiction text “On Giants’ Shoulders”, explores the journeys of many of the greatest scientists while taking us into a world of imagination, speculation and inspiration. “Journeys over Land and Sea”, text 6 from the Board’s Booklet, follows the imaginative journey of people who dared to “pursue the unknown”. “The Thought Fox” a poem by Ted Hughes and “Frankenstein” by Mary Shelley use language techniques such as imagery and symbolism to represent the entire process of an imaginative journey.

i kinda find it difficult to make one big statment about each text..unless ur meant to write about only one aspect of it eg saying On Giant's Shoulders explores the process of a journey and its consequences - it might do that but it also does so much more. does that make sense??

ps. its difficult to bring up language/textual features because On Giants' Shoulders is non fiction..any ideas?
 

ameh

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You need to qualify your argument in your first sentence and structure it better. When you refer to thought, which are you talking about i.e. thought can be self-reflexive. Why are they undefinable and inevitable? Ok use of rubric there, can you now integrate the words speculation, inspiration into your thesis later on? You don't need to mention Melvyn Bragg's ''non fiction'' text unless you're going to link it to techniques/meaning, don't clog up the intro.

Can you replace propellant/propelling with another word? *getting pedantic here* and no colloqualism's here please - especially ''says of''
Try this: ''Bragg claims that M. Faraday's journey as a scientist was sparked by the curiosity to discover whether what he imagined could be true.''

thought saying? this is colloquail, replace with something else or, atleast add a comma after the ''thought.'' Specify who the ''they'' in ''They challenged what people originally thought saying the world wasn’t flat or there were no such thing as monsters and this compelled the pioneers to journey and discover whether their imagination was correct'' is. Also can you shorten this sentence? Maybe chop it up into two sentences.

meanwhile I have to get to school now, good luck!
 

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