Help Please! (1 Viewer)

[krystalp]

im scared of plagarism now

 

[666_blessings]

Full credit to you. It's the first SS posted on BoS i've read where i've managed to get past the first line. I like the style, but some of the descriptions are a bit cliched. Best of luck!

 

[fleepbasding]

Ben folds 5- Emaline... I love that song.

 

[bonniejjj]

hi. I wasn't going to post, but seeing as I read it all I may as well (won't be too detailed i'm tired.)
Started off well, but I feel as though the fact that the first narrative was written by the character in the second should have been intorduced earlier. Some great motifs and descriptive language used in the first narrative.
Much of the teenage thoughts and dialogue (using words such as "sucks") may appear a bit teenage angsty, and lacks the sophistication of other parts of your work. I really did enjoy your story, but I didn't like part 2 at all, I think it would be better to just work on expanding part 1 (if you have time in the next week I mean...although no-one probably does.) Part 1 felt like it could really go somewhere, and the whole postmodern idea of the story being burnt and not finished doesn't work for me at all.
Anyway, best of luck, sorry I couldn't be more specific hope this helped.

 

[OutOfOrder]

i admit i didn't read all of your story sorry, rather skimmed through cos im tired, but i like what i did read, it's written pretty well. like the others said, some bits seem a bit cliche and angsty, but i dont think it is "overly" cliche.
Again, i didn't read all of it, but I like the layout and the way you did it.

 

[krystalp]

thank you very much!

i had an expanded part one that went for the full 8000, but my teacher told me it was too long and to try for a second story that connects.

should i go back to my original one then?

 

[jhakka]

Any posts of this nature can be followed up here:
http://community.boredofstudies.org/showthread.php?p=1801648#post1801648