• Congratulations to the Class of 2024 on your results!
    Let us know how you went here
    Got a question about your uni preferences? Ask us here

Help/criticise my extended ideas for my creative please! (1 Viewer)

Arys

New Member
Joined
Feb 22, 2012
Messages
11
Gender
Female
HSC
2013
Hi.
My trials are coming up quite soon and I have not sorted out the sequence of my creative piece yet. I know that I am writing it about a recluse, but I do not know why she is a recluse, if she is happy sad or deluded, if family plays a role in her life or if in her utter aloneness she has gone mad or found the truth. I don't know if she will be juxtaposed against regular people or if she goes through an internal breakdown.
I thought of basing it on Tenzin Palmo, a Buddhist nun who lived in a cave for 12 years in deep meditation, but this I think requires too much research.
Here is what I have written so far, it is only introductory, but you can get an idea of my descriptive style

"She arose slowly, her skirt gradually unfolding itself from tight tunnels to become sweeping falls that whispered to the hard pine floor in gentle caresses. Her hand, spotted, trembling, reached for the fire iron, its décor blackened and hidden under rust. The fire crackled as she tended to it, its sound permeating the cottage as the only absence of silence. The small room, faintly illuminated by the flickering light lay draped in rich patterned curtains and dust, heavy from years of hanging. A large armchair stared emptily at the fire while a small, ornately carved dining table brooded in a dark corner. Through the window opposite the fireplace, an endless expanse of dense forest spread its leafy tendrils, only to be abruptly severed by a cliff drop not 50 metres away from the cottage."

I would really appreciate any further ideas or criticism/encouragement on my vaguely formed ones.
Thanks!
 
Last edited:

JT145

ON is my homeboy
Joined
Mar 4, 2012
Messages
1,678
Gender
Female
HSC
2016
Not sure if you're being too descriptive of the setting, for me it's a little over the top (but I'm not sure if being too descriptive is a good or bad thing). In Belonging short stories it's better to have a short plot and heaps of description rather than an elaborated plot (which is what you're doing). I also don't think you address 'belonging' too much in this extract, a few descriptive hints at belonging would be nice (although is your discussion of 'black' indicating not belonging? idk... I find pathetic fallacy works well).
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top