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Frontline Essay. Urgent Feedback Please! (1 Viewer)

sychikmoron

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2004
Messages
38
I'm in need of some desperate feedback for my Frontline Essay. It's not based on any question. I'm just going to adapt it to the question on the day of the HSC. But yes, I'd really like some feedback please.

Thankyou!
 

ashmax

New Member
Joined
Aug 30, 2005
Messages
17
Location
Sydney
Gender
Female
HSC
2005
First-your contents' good, you show alot of knowledge of frontline and its good that u can throw in so many references to different shows.
You can disagree with me if u like but these are just a few things u might want to look at:

1. "One way the composers of Frontline undermine such claims is through their use of caricature to bring forth the idea that personalities on current affairs shows are made up."
This could be phrased differently, just by changing a few words, making it a little more formal.
e.g (don't write this though cause its not all that good,jsut an example)
"... through their use of caricature to highlight the truth that the image we see of current affairs personalities is a fabrication"

2." One of the main issues brought out in this film is the issue of truth, fabrication and manipulation on the versions of truth."
Maybe change 'on' to 'of'

3. "Part of Frontline’s vision is to bring forth the idea that truth is sacrificed "
You say 'to bring forth' a couple too many times, maybe change this to something else

4.". It highlights the inadequacies of investigative journalism that does not have adequate protocols to check truths. "
Frontline doesnt have any protocols to check truths so u could rephrase that and say something like 'It highlights the inadequacies of investigative journalism and Frontline's blatant disregard of the Journalists Code of Ethics.'

5."We see this in Hugh’s editing of Mike’s “sweatshop” story in Dames, in which through the use of music and voice-overs, the story was “massacred” in order to promote female viewers. The story goes from depressing and serious to upbeat and fun at the touch of a few editing buttons"
If you have time, here you could mention that it presents the idea that those in power control the truth (i.e hugh's editing of the film-brian telling him it needs "major surgery", shows that the reporters have no say in what is reported, they are simply (as u mentioned earlier) a packaged, promotional image)

6."The media, in the relentless pursuit of ratings, becomes locked into a world of commercially exploitable voyeurism, exploiting perceived prejudice."
You repeat exploit, maybe grab a thesaurus.

7."Frontline brings forth the issues of bias and prejudice in the media through the idea "
Again, just the brings forth phrase needs change

8. And only 2 more things, don't forget a conclusion (which i'm assuming u havent put because u dont have a question which is cool!), and secondly don't forget to integrate the question through all your paragraphs, not just the first two!

Hope this helped in some way!
(if you get the chance you could check out my frontline essay and maybe give me some criticisms on mine! don't be afraid to be brutle! lol) thanks!
 

sychikmoron

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2004
Messages
38
Thanks Ashmax! I don't think you should trust my criticism. I can't criticise for crap. I'll probably make you fail. but yeah. Good luck in your exams! and thankyou!
 

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